Forgive and Forget
by Fyrefly12
Summary: This is my fanfiction about my female Hawke, Nasaraelia and her rivalmance with Fenris. It follows the story and quests of Dragon Age 2, but I add my own twists and turns. It starts in Act 2 outside the Hanged Man. Enjoy! *Mature Content
1. Chapter 1

She hated him. _Hated_ him!

He was a jerk. No, a bastard. No! A son of a bitch with a bastard ass hole father! The more she thought about him, the most she wanted to scream.

_Dick, dick, dick!_

"AHHH!" Her fingers roared into flames. Without a second thought she sent a molten fireball at the wall, shattering the window.

As tiny pieces of clay fell from the now marred wall, she knew she had to calm down. Standing perfectly still in the middle of her fire lit room, Nas tried to breathe. Air came slowly at first; her body was so stiff from tension that it felt like her lungs had clench.

Small little gulps of air started to cool her from the inside, and she felt her muscles starting to loosen one by one. Forget him... her mind cooed to herself.

_How can I forget him? After what he said? _

Rage bubbled up in her, igniting her dormant mana. Her body burst into magical energy and she knew if she didn't kill something soon she would bring the house down. Literally.

She grabbed her staff that was leaning against the wall, gently hook it through the leather strap on the back of her armoured blouse, and left the silent mansion.

Stepping in to the empty courtyard, Nas took another second to let the cold air blow through her cheeks. She knew she was being idiotic. _Wait, no! No, she wasn't being unreasonable at all. It was him! It's always fucking him!_

That lyrium sucking, white –haired fuckball! He could go and suck an ogres spike for all she cared. And she didn't care. Not one bit. Not one teeny weenie, itsy bitsy bit...

Oh who the hell was she kidding? He made her blood boil, in more ways than one. He would constantly criticize and tell her how bad mages were, how much of an abomination she was, and then he would have the nerve to grab her thigh. Grab her thigh with those strong, rough hands...

"Andraste's flaming fucking arse!" she shouted into the night.

Stomping off into the night, she knew where to go to find someone to kill. She could perhaps go to see Isabella... she knew a few good ways to relieve anger...

No, she wasn't in that kind of mood. She needed blood and magic coursing through her veins.

Maybe Anders? He enjoyed a good fight? It would definitely give Justice a bit of practise.

She worried her bottom lip as she thought about it. No, Anders maybe not a good idea. She saw the way he looked at her, even if he didn't think she did. He was a good guy, a fucking talented mage, but... he was a bit too... mushy, for her taste. If she got worked up in the fight and then saw him panting and sweating, she might give into her basic instincts – and she sure as hell couldn't deal with that in the morning.

Walking through Hightown at night didn't bother her much anymore. When she first came here, it did. She was a lot weaker then, not used to using her magic very often. After training with Merrill and Anders for a few years, she knew she was better. Even better than them.

Unlike Merrill, she had stamina which added extra charge to her mana, and Anders was more skilled in healing rather than combat magics.

The moon lit the walkway ahead of her as she started down the steps that would take her into Lowtown.

As soon as she stepped foot into that place, she felt the shift in the air. Fear, lust and misery mingled along with the smells of different smokes and brews. The arrogant self-importance in Hightown was sometimes over-powering, but she managed to deal with it. In all honesty, she enjoyed living in Hightown more. She liked to make the Noble boys blush. It was really too easy.

They would be walking along with their finely –clad women they were courting. The women wouldn't dare wear anything above the ankles, where as she couldn't stand all those layers. Her skin needed to _breathe._ And the dresses she wore sometimes, admittedly, would make Isabella blush. But it was funny. Well, to her anyway.

When she got closer to the Hanged Man, she realised that the walk had actually calmed her. Wondering if she should perhaps visit Isabella, she felt the familiar warmth of an aura. Turning around, even thought she couldn't see the men themselves, she could see seven outlines. They were a dull brown when she first saw them, but as they got closer the colour started to shift and change. six of them went a deep crimson while one became a shocking blue. Even though the events of the day had started to tug at her body, she felt the familiarity of her blood starting to turn, to pump faster.

It made her hands tingle and she knew she was starting to glow.

She smirked and changed her stance, putting her weight on her left leg, jutting out her hip. The men's faces came into her sight and she saw their aura's radiating waves of heat. Especially from the head man.

"Hello there gorgeous, lookin' for some fun?"

They all had the same curved tattoo on their left cheeks, marking them as some kind of gang.

_Good. A challenge. _

"Well, what are you offering?" she purred back, loving the way she enraptured all their aura's and made them shiver.

"You, love. Just you."

He took a step forward a little too quick for Hawke to manoeuvre her way out. He put himself into her personal space. He smelt like dirt, sweat and piss. Not an attractive smell.

Hiding a grimace, she chuckled lightly. "That's not paying fair."

"Whoever said we were playing fair, darlin'?"

He grabbed her waist, hard, and yanked her against him. His body was dirty and his aura glowed so bright that she had to turn away.

"Oh no, you _look_ at me."

There was a smooth metallic sound, like a knife against another blade. She felt the cold metal touch her cheek. It was such a shock that she jumped.

"Yes... I can smell your fear..."

Suddenly, she laughed.

"No, sweetheart. I can smell _yours_."

She called up her energy in a burst, igniting her skin with a green glow. There was a brief moment when she saw their aura's waver, but it was too late. She pushed the light through her bones and flesh until it exploded from her and into the gang like a solid wall. They were all thrown back and she cringed as the sound of crunching bones echoed in the silence.

Only a few were stunned, and Nas only had a moment to pull her staff from its holder. Swinging it in an arc over her head gave the thugs moment to pause. She leant forward on her left leg, bending her back slightly and placing her staff in front of her in a defensive stance. As the leader got up, she looked up at him and smiled from under her eyes. Seeing his aura flicker and change into a brighter, angrier red, she puckered her lips and sucked, making a kissing sound.

The leader roared in lustful hatred and lunged towards her, drawing a shortsword from its sheath on his hip. Two more thugs ran up with him, but Hawke was ready.

As if in a dance, Nas twirled her body with her cloak swooping just behind her dramatically. She felt her staff connect with his sword, but her momentum sent the leader's sword flying, but she didn't have time to celebrate. Summoning more mana, she felt her hand erupt into flames. Setting herself straight, she send the fireball high into the air before bringing her staff up to meet a blow from one of the thugs. The sword bit deep into the staff, deep enough to let her twist it and yank the sword roughly form his hands. He had a moment to gasp before the sky rained fire.

They landed with heavy swoosh's and bangs, shocking most men into fleeing. Some of them got caught, but they learned their basic duck and cover. One, however, stood right under a fireball. She tried not to think of the screams as she turned to meet the leader.

His aura and smell had changed into something a lot darker. She could see his face twisting and snarling into something ferocious, and she knew that he didn't just want her blood, he wanted _her_. All of her. From being near him she could sense what kind of man he was. A brutal murderer that had a compulsive need to dominate and control. It was so similar...

She shook her head. Not the time.

He lunged forward for another attack, but she was ready. She raised her staff but she didn't prepare herself for the force of his onslaught. Usually she had two or three comrades at her back, but with each hungry stroke he brought down at her, the more she realised how complacent she had become. She felt herself sweating on her back, and she saw the true evil in his eyes.

He was not going to stop unless he was dead.

As her moves became less pronounced, he took his advantage, knowing she was weakening. He started swiping at her furiously and she let out a yelp as she felt the blade slice cleanly over her wrists. He dove in as she lowered her defences ever so slightly, and was upon her. His weight and strength drove her to the ground with a tremendous thump and she felt her fear flaring up her mana. She conjured the power to her and it started to creep up her arms. She was about to send him flying through the air when he did something that made her truly afraid.

Grabbing her wrists, he yanked her arms down painfully. She felt something tear in her shoulder and cried out. No, no, no, no...

"You see, bitch. I know how to deal with you mage-fuckers. Your all mine now, and there is nothing you can do to stop me. You're powerless."

Powerless...

And then I t was upon her. The image. The memory.

_Her skin burnt from his weight. Her legs chaffed against his armour. He was too strong. She was too weak. His breath smelt like onions as he grunted against her neck. She felt the blood dripping down her thigh, felt the cold metal digging jutting into her stomach... but she was powerless. He had her arms behind her and she couldn't stop him. She could smell his sweat and she felt a drip fall onto her face from his forehead. It ran down her cheek, mingling with the salty sweetness of her own tears. All she could remember was thinking how much she hurt down there, and how mad her father would be that she wouldn't make it back in time for dinner..._

The image froze her. She couldn't breathe, couldn't think. As he held her wrists with one hand, he used the other to start pulling up on her skirts. She felt his greave scrap across her thigh, drawing blood. Suddenly she was that fourteen year old girl again, in that dirty back alley with that filthy templar...

"No... No. No. No! NO! GET OFF ME!" she screeched.

Suddenly the world became a vertigo world of pure white light. Her whole body jolted as if being electrocuted and her skin prickled and burnt. All she could do was scream. Scream at him. Scream at them. Scream at the pain.

As her voice cracked and the sound stopped, the world went black.

She felt as if every muscle in her body had died. Her bones felt like icicles, fragile and delicate. She couldn't do anything apart from blink and breathe. As her eyes started to adjust to the darkness, she started to see things clearer.

She was on her back with her skirts up and over her knickers, but she couldn't change that. She could see form the angle her head was dangling, that she was facing the Hanged Man. She saw the metallic figure dangling from the roof and resting just above the door. She could vaguely make out figures coming from the pub, and she couldn't be sure, but one of them looked a lot shorter than the rest.

She sent the request her brain to open her mouth, but it didn't comply.

All she could do was lie there with her underwear sowing to everyone. _Well_, she thought_. At least it's not my teddy weaved ones... _

"Maker - Hawke?"

She turned her eyeball as best she could to see the short man running over to her. His blonde hair glinted in the faint light as the shadow of his crossbow splayed across his body. He ran as fast as his legs would carry him, and if she could have, she would have made a comment.

Varric dropped by her side and she thought she saw his eyes go wide.

"Blondie! Get out here! ANDERS!"

She heard a commotion as more people started to crowd around her. She looked at Varric with her eyes, pleading. He seemed to understand her quiet request, as he quickly grabbed the hem of her dress and pulled it down.

Another figure landed beside her. "Hawke? Can you hear me?"

_Yes, Anders. I'm not deaf._

As she looked at them, she realised something that she had overlooked.

She couldn't see their auras.

Usually Varric's was a calm yellow and Anders was a constant bright blue because of Justice. But she couldn't see anything. Her heart sank as she noticed how dull things were without all the colour.

"Blondie, what the hell's wrong with her?" demanded Varric as Anders slowly searched her pulse and body for immediate injuries.

"From what I can see, she's completely drained her mana..." His voice was barely louder than a whisper.

"Bad?" asked Varric.

"Very. Come on, we've got to get her to a bed. Grab her staff."

The world span as she felt herself being lifted easily from the ground. He head fell stupidly over his arm and she had never felt so helpless. She would never let anyone carry her unless she was dying. Well, she would still probably walk then.

As if responding to her silent thoughts, a small patch or warmth started on her back. As it slowly trickled through her skin, she realised that it was reviving some of her muscles. As more and more energy started flow through her, she realised the warmth was coming from Anders' hands. Light suddenly pierced her eyes, making her squint. Noise filled her brain as she realised they must have entered the Hanged Man.

"Hey And - is that Hawke?"

She felt herself being moved quickly until the noise dimmed. There was a slam and her body was put down softly onto not-so-clean sheets. Anders looked over her, his line face filling her vision. Despite herself, she flinched.

The blonde hair...

She couldn't shake that feeling, and if she had the strength she would have locked herself in a room and cried herself into a restless sleep. But she couldn't. She was here, lying in a bed, not even able to move her own head.

"What can we do?" asked a husky voice that she pinned to Varric.

"I need to get as much energy into her as possible. Isabella, get me some whiskey."

"To give her energy?"

"No, for me to drink."

A silence followed that made Nas want to laugh, but she couldn't even tug at the corner of her lips. Frustrated and helpless, she felt her skin starting to prickle around her nose. They way it did when... no. _No_.

Lost in her own mind, she didn't pay any attention to her companions until she felt such a shock through her body, that it made her eyes water. Ander's sheepish look filled her vision again.

Hawke frowned at him and gave him a look that said _what-the-fuck?_

"Just trust me," he said. All she could do was blink.

Another jolt went coursing through her, so painful that she heard herself gasp. As it stopped, she felt her heart racing and her eyes were blurry with tears. Breathing as quickly as she could, she felt herself clenching her teeth.

Wait...

Slowly, she sent the signals to her brain to open her mouth. This time, ever so slowly, they complied. Her mouth fell open, but her tongue felt heavy and swollen. A warm and put itself on her cheek.

"Shush. Don't try to speak," said Anders softly.

The way he looked at her, all puppy-eyed and worried, made her want to get up and walk away. This was bad. Very bad. If she was all helpless and dying, and he saved her, she would feel like she owed him something. And what he wanted, she sure as hell couldn't give. She wouldn't give him. It would be... a disaster.

Another jolt pounded through her. She felt herself bite her tongue; the coppery metallic taste of her own blood filled her mouth. In her frustration, she felt a tear fall down her cheek. Hating herself, she tried to move. She was being weak! And crying. In front of everyone. Anders gave her a guilty look as he placed his hands on her chest. Nas managed to turn her head slightly and send a murderous look at Anders. Even so, he still didn't move his hands.

Oh, she was going to _kill_ him.

His ears started to go red as he kept his eyes away from her, concentrating on her chest. Which, in all honesty, wasn't any better.

_Go ahead, have a nice squeeze. Let's see how long you'll keep those precious hands of yours. _

Before she could try and raise her hand to punch him, another bolt went through her chest and directly into her heart. Before she could stop herself, a scream of agony ripped from her mouth. She felt her back arch as the lightning continued through her veins, boiling her blood. Her eyes were screwed shut and she felt a sob fall from her tongue as the surge stopped and she fell back against the sheets.

Beads of sweat fell from her head and she knew she was panting. A strand of hair fell over her eyes, mixing with her tears.

Nas managed to turn her head. She saw Anders. His face was paler and sweat was running down his face in little rivers. He held a bottle in his hand. Lifting it up to his mouth, he took a drink. As he pulled it away, he hissed. Shaking his head, he put the back of his hand to his lips.

"Dri..." she croaked.

Anders turned his head. Seeing she was watching him, and obviously surprised that she was still awake, he came over to her. Putting his hand gently under her head, he put the mouth of the bottle to her lips. Keeping her evil eye on him, she felt the sharp whiskey enter her mouth.

Pain flared up in her mouth as the whiskey touched the bite marks on her tongue. She swallowed it before she coughed it everywhere, and the burning continued down her throat, warming her from the inside out. Her tongue burnt as she was lowered back onto the pillow. He gave her an apologetic look as his faint amber eyes glowed in the light. The way he looked at her...

She turned her head away from him, feeling uncomfortable.

"Hawke, this is really going to hurt," he said, his voice husky.

Without looking at him, she gave him a sharp nod. She held back a wince as she felt her new energy depleting.

His soft, warm hands touched each side of her hip. She wanted to turn to him and slap him, but she couldn't. Settling with seething in silence, Nas tried to brace herself, but it was a futile attempt at the agony that came.

At first, the shock was bearable. It was painful, but she managed to get away with just clenching her fist. And then it changed.

The shock intensified and she saw the whole room go up in bright light. Her fists dug into her palm so hard that she felt her nails pierce her skin. Another scream came, but this time, she felt her whole body and soul go into it. Her throat vibrated as she screamed the building down.

Little black dots appeared in her vision, and for once, she didn't fight the inevitable darkness.

_Her feet were in front of her as she ran forward. Bloody Bethany! She had turned her back for just a second, and she was gone. Well, if it wasn't for Carver and his whining, she wouldn't have turned. They had been playing catch in the front of their house, but Beth decided that she had to run away. Following the sound of her little footsteps, she turned a corner, and then another._

"_Beth, get back here now!"_

_There was a giggle as Nas turned a corner. She saw a flash of dark black hair as Beth rounded another corner. Nas took a deep breath and continued. _

_Before she reached the corner, however, Bethany's giggled stopped with a yelp. Nas felt her heart drop as her instincts kicked in. Running forward, the sight in front of her stopped her dead._

_Bethany stood in between two men, one of them had her by the scruff of her neck. They turned as she stopped. Her mana flared uncontrollably as she saw the way they looked at her. Bethany whimpered in the blonde one's hand. Nas turned herself so she didn't look afraid._

"_What do we have here, then?" said the one with brown hair._

"_Is there a problem, ser?" asked Nas slowly, swallowing back the lump in her throat._

_The blonde templar came closer to her and she felt her hand come to life. She put it quickly behind her back so they didn't see her magic, but by the way he smiled, she knew he felt it._

"Two_ little maglings? I think we hit the jackpot here, Frederik."_

_The brown hair templar smirked and looked down at Bethany. Her tiny face was overflowing with tears and Nas felt her blood boil as the templar strengthened her grip on her neck. Before she could react, the blonde one was upon her. He grabbed her cheek with his hand and shook her. Involuntarily, her magic flared around her, reacting to her emotion. She felt it blow from her skin and send the templar backwards. _

_Nas took the distraction to move forward, throwing another glowing ball at Frederik. Bethany fell down and scrambled into Nas's open arms. Nas pulled her closer, knowing that they had been found. She squeezed tighter onto Bethany as two strong hands grabbed her shoulders. Beth was yanked out of her arms by Frederik, and she was held extremely close to blondie. He chuckled as his eyes roamed over her body. It was then she knew what they were after._

"_Please," she whispered. The templar looked at her with an amused expression._

"_Please, just let my sister go. I promise I'll do anything you want. I'll be quiet, I won't struggle. Please..." her voice broke on the last word. _

_Her heart jumped as she saw the blonde considering it. Nas knew she was on to something. She tried again._

"_Please, I'll be quiet. I swear!"_

"_You won't struggle?"_

_She shook her head desperately. _

"_Hmm... and you won't scream?"_

_She shook her head again as the grip on her arms got tighter. He turned to his companion. One quick nod sent Bethany to the floor. She scrambled up and looked at Nas. _

"_Go, sweet. Go home," she whispered as she felt a tongue touch her cheek. Bethany's big eyes looked at her in confusion as the other templar came up behind Nas. As he touched Nas's hips, Nas's first tear fell._

"_Go!" she shouted._

_Terrified, Beth turned on her heel and ran. _

_Nas felt her body start to tremble as hands touched her. Without notice, she was flung down into the dirt. The templars loomed over her, casting shadows over her body. They looked at each other with menacing smiles. Nas closed her eyes as the first kick was sent straight into her stomach._

"Hawke!"

Nas opened her eyes and sat up, feeling herself shaking violently. She could still feel their hands on her, smell the sweat...

"Hawke, are you alright?"

She felt herself coming back into her own mind. She started to remember who she was, where she was. As she opened her eyes, she saw Anders sat on the edge of her bed.

Curling her fist, she lifted it and caught him forcefully on his chin, sending him flying off the bed.

"You son of a bitch! You fucking electrocuted me!"

Anders stood up and she saw his body flash blue. He calmed himself down enough to clear his eyes. Putting a hand to his chin, he moved his jaw, feeling if it was broken. She felt the mana pulsing through her. That was when she saw the figures in the corner.

Varric sat with Isabella at a table. He was holding a fan of card in his hand but he was staring at her. Isabella was in the same shocked stance, but she held less cards. And then she saw him.

_Him._

He had his back against the wall in the shadows. She saw him glowing faintly, and she could smell the lyrium in his skin. He had one foot against the wall and his arms folded across his chest. Nas couldn't control her hands from flaring up in purple magic. Before she could conjure a spirit arrow to pierce his smirking face, she threw the covers off her.

Knowing full well she was naked, and even more pissed that she realised someone had to undress her, Nas headed over to the table at the end of the bed.

She felt Varric's and Anders' surprise, and the heat in the room flared up. She felt all eyes on her as she grabbed her armoured robe. Pulling her knickers up and leaving her bra, she pulled the robe over her head and onto her body. Shoving her feet roughly into her boots, she knew she needed to leave the room before she, Maker forbid, cried.

Without looking back, she ripped the door open. Grabbing her staff that was leaning against the wall, she walked into the tavern. Slamming the door behind her, she took a second to breathe.

OK, maybe she shouldn't have punched Anders. And she probably shouldn't have walked around naked. But she felt so... lost.

Before any of them could follow, she jogged out of the Hanged Man and into the bustling Lowtown. Walking with her head down, she marched herself back to her mansion.

As she slammed the door behind her, Bodahn came to greet her. His face froze at her expression, and he bowed slightly. Giving him a nod, she walked straight past her mother, up the stairs and into her room.

Falling onto the bed, she felt the exhaustion sweep over her.

Everything that had happened only hours ago flooded her mind. All those feelings she had forgotten. All those memories she had tucked away. All the pain. The scars. Before she could stop herself, the first tear fell. After that, she couldn't stop the sobs.

She didn't hear anyone approaching until something set themselves on the edge of the bed. Nas looked up briefly to see her mother brush a strand of hair from her eyes. Feeling like that terrified little girl again, Nas jumped into her mother's warm arms. Her mother cradled her and rubbed her hand down the back of Nas's head as she cried into her shoulder.

"Oh mamma," she whispered. "Mamma, it hurts."

She felt her mother jolt, and she knew why. They were the first words she muttered to her mother when they had found her in that back alley. She was broken and bleeding.

As if realising why she was crying, Leandra pulled her closer, held her tighter.

"It's OK baby, mamma will make the pain go away," she whispered.

Hawke, for the first time in a very long time, allowed someone to hold her as she let go of all the pain and heartache that had crushed her soul on that dark, dark day. 


	2. Chapter 2

The quiet crackling of the fire was the only sound in the room.

Nas lay on her front, her arm dangling over the side of the bed. The thin sheet was draped lazily over her backside, leaving the soft skin of her back visible. Her cheek was against the rough edge of the mattress and it dug into her skin, but she was too preoccupied to care.

A warm hand slid up her back, making her smile with her eyes closed.

"I should probably go."

Nas took a deep breath. She rolled over and landed on a wonderfully warm body.

"M'kay," she said sleepily. "See you tomorrow."

Nas planted a quick kiss on Isabella's mouth before turning back to her original position. She felt Izzy get off the bed and she could hear her getting dressed. There was a metallic swoosh, and Nas guessed she was sheathing one of her many daggers.

The rhythmic thumping of boots told Nas that Isabella had left.

Opening her eyes, she stared into the fire.

The idea that she was now alone relieved her and terrified her at the same time. Her fingertips brushed the smooth red carpet. Nas started to drag her nails slowly across it, feeling the individual strand of cotton getting caught under them.

As she closed her eyes and started to think, her fingers traced no particular pattern. She kept moving it softly, the same motion calming her whirring thoughts.

After her outburst the other day, her companions were a little weary of her.

She knew why Varric was. He had seen her naked – it was enough to make any dwarf blush.

Anders was pretty pissed, and the purple bruise on his cheek was evidence why. She hadn't really spoken to him, and she certainly wasn't about to apologise! That cheeky fuck had groped her chest. He tried to explain he needed to buzz her chest muscles, but she knew he just wanted a feel.

Isabella... ah, Isabella... the wonderfully uncomplicated Isabella. After seeing Nas in all her naked glory, Isabella had been after her like a bitch on heat. It was nice, until she gave in. The chase was always so much funnier.

_Ah, well. Can't be the hard ass all the time_, she thought.

And Fenris.

_Hmph, what about Fenris? Fenris should be wearing the bruise. He was just lucky she was too upset; else she would have rammed his sword so far up his arse that he would be spitting metal. _

The thought made her smile against the sheets. Oh, she was bitch sometimes.

A bead of sweat silently dripped down her cheek. Her brows were screwed up tightly in concentration.

"Now - light the candle."

Nas felt her arms starting to pull. She was standing on one leg with a pile of three books balanced on her head. In her left hand she held a huge rock in line with her shoulder. Her arm was starting to shake as her bicep started to burn.

In her right hand she held her staff in front of her.

"Yeah, say it like it's so fucking easy," she growled.

Anders chuckled. Nas's blood started to race and she felt herself unwillingly drawing mana to her. She saw Anders' blue aura waver slightly, and she knew he felt her pulling power.

He stood about twenty paces away from her behind a small crate where a tiny candle stood. She gave him a sharp look before setting her eyes on the barely visible wick. She closed her eyes as another bead of sweat dripped down her face.

She had been standing here for fucking hours – and she was getting annoyed with Anders' smart comments. She knew he was getting her back for walloping him, but it was starting to become un-funny.

Taking a deep breath, she opened her eyes.

Drawing a tiny string of mana from her chest, she willed it to comply with her commands. Seeing it in her mind's eye, the tiny glow of purple materialised in front of her vision. Narrowing her eyes, she sent it forward ever so slowly.

It snaked forward, and she wasn't sure if Anders could see it or not, but as it wound its way over the crate, it started to pulse brighter.

_Shit, shit, shit, shit._

Holding her breath, she willed the magic to stay on course and light the candle, but she felt her grasp slipping. Her arm was shaking furiously and she could feel the books starting to slip.

"Anders, I - what the hell?"

The slither of magic swelled drastically until it burst with a massive _pop!_

The books crashed to the ground, and Nas wasn't far behind them, landing heavily on her rump. She looked up at Varric with a sour look. He gave her a sheepish look before turning back to Anders.

"We're having a diamondback tournament at the Hanged Man tonight, you in?"

"Shit, don't invite me or anything," said Nas, getting to her feet.

Varric chuckled and offered her a hand. A hand which she did not take, thank-you-very-much.

"You're always invited, Hawke. Just don't start any brawls tonight though, eh?"

She gave him a sarcastic smile before turning and picking up her staff. Anders gave Varric a nod before turning to face Nas. She had her staff in front of her, and she had some payback to deal.

"My turn to teach."

She gave Anders time to draw his staff before turning in a circle and twisting her staff in an arc. The woods met with a crack. She danced backwards, easily avoiding his sweep. Just jumped forward slightly, teasing him to swinging for her and then darting back, making his face darken ever so slightly.

Oh she loved it when she did that.

Laughing, she twirled again, avoiding another blow.

"I'll, uh, just leave you two to it then," said Varric.

Neither of them turned as the dwarf turned and left. Nas took her staff in both hands as Anders started an aggressive sweep. Her metal clashed with his, sending vibrations through her wrists, making her glad that she had her supports on. She used the right end to stop another blow towards her stomach. As she blocked it, she raised the other end, tapping his chest with it.

She saw Anders' eyes flash momentarily blue.

She hated the way she shivered. What the hell was it with her and guy's glowing? Surely that should be a turn-off?

Anders face went serious as he swung his staff in another arch, and this time, Nas nearly missed. She was taken aback as he didn't stop, using his momentum do stab for her knees. Jumping up, she avoided the blow and used the advantage to take a swing for herself. It was blocked roughly.

As Anders started another onslaught, she realised he wasn't playing anymore. If any of his hits connected then he could break something. Starting back into a defensive position, she tried to slow his movements, trying to end the exercise. As he twisted himself and went for a blow near her chest, Nas found herself jumping backwards.

Her back slammed into a wall and she looked around the clinic, realising that she was cornered. Anders didn't stop however, and she saw that his whole body was a glow with the deep blue light of Justice. She felt his presence in the room, as if the Fade had personified itself. The power that surged around him was something that made her involuntarily tremble, and Anders' aura had been completely engulfed by Justice's power. Feeling her mana well up inside her, Nas put her staff in front of her.

She was not going to give the spirit a chance to smell her fear.

"Anders? Are you there?"

Justice put his hand in front of him and she saw his hand erupt into blue flames. Nas sent the mana through her hands into her staff, making it glow green. She spun it in front of her, creating a circle. It slowly covered her and pulsed faintly.

_Damn, Nas. Way to piss off the spirit of Vengeance. _

"Anders," she said, sternly.

She saw the flame glow brighter, but Anders' expression started to change. His eyes started to flicker until they became a golden glow. He looked around as if confused until he saw the flaming ball of fire in his hand.

Gasping, he closed his fingers, making the fire disappear.

Nas relaxed her stance and let the shield go down. Feeling the anger inside her, she raised her staff and gave him a sharp tap on the head.

"Hey!"

"You complete ass hole!"

Without another word, she stomped past him. Knocking his should as she passed him, she headed straight to the door without looking back.

A sudden grip on her arm had her twirling back around. Anders slammed her against a rough wall, but she had no time to protest. He crushed her lips with his own. For a second she raised her fist to put it straight into his gut, but as he leaned closer, she could feel the heat of his skin. His aura tickled as it started to merge with her own purple glow.

Hating herself for it, she felt her muscles starting to limp and her body started to react to his. Sensing her submission, Anders pressed himself closer.

Nas breathed him in. A sweet mix of sweat and magic. It was spicy yet pure, like fresh water mixed with spiced wine. Opening her mouth, she felt his tongue start to explore. Suddenly, she felt something else. Another presence. Before she had opened her eyes, she knew who it was.

She knew that smell. It was metallic against oil and leather.

Her hands became purple balls as she used her force to push Anders back. He only stumbled a few feet, but it was enough to make him give her a confused look. She looked behind him, and sure enough, there he was.

His aura was a deep, deep green and she inwardly smiled.

"Fenris?" she asked expectantly.

He wore his usually stony look, but she could see is aura getting bright, pulsing with the timing of his heart. _Ha! Ha, ha, ha! He's jealous!_

She wanted to dance around and laugh and point. But she didn't. She carried on looking at him expectantly.

"Hawke. There has been word of a disturbance around the Bone Pit mines. Your partner is looking for you."

She nodded. "Then let's go. Anders, grab your staff."

As she passed Fenris, she felt his aura and she could smell the lyrium burn.

As the men started behind her, she felt the tension emit around them. Anders was pleased with himself, and Fenris was silently seething. As she looked ahead, she couldn't help but smile.

A short while later, Nas found herself stood in the Hanged Man. Hubert had been whining about something to do with the Bone Pit. Apparently it had been sacked or something and he wanted her to check it out. She was leaning against the bar on one elbow, waiting for Isabella to hurry the hell up. Fenris stood somewhere to her left, hi ding in a shadow. But she could still the faint outline. It had turned to a very light green with blue flecks in it.

Anders, however, was right beside her. Like, almost humping her leg beside her.

Feeling his aura knocking into her own, she stood up straighter.

_Damn it, Nasara! You stupid, stupid girl! Now you've given the puppy a chew toy that's too big_.

She sighed, and prayed, that Isabella would be out soon.

As if the Maker Himself heard her plea, Isabella bounced down the stairs. Her aura was a pleasant pink, and she knew that colour all too well.

"Isabella, you couldn't have come back to it?" she asked as Isabella crossed the room.

"He was leaving in an hour."

"Mmm hmm. Yeah, sure, and I'm the queen of Antiva."

They started towards the door as Isabella gave her a surprised look and gasped.

"Your majesty!" she said grandly, bowing slightly.

Nas laughed and shook her head. Opening the door. Isabella bounced through, thoroughly pleased with herself and her latest conquest.

They walked into the mild sunshine, Anders directly behind her and Fenris somewhere near the back. Isabella started in depth about the man she had just had as they rounded the corner, heading towards the west exit of Kirkwall.

"So, where are we going?" she asked, while pulled a small throwing dagger from the belt around her waist. She looked down briefly as she used the tip to slowly drag under her left index finger.

"The Bone Pit."

Isabella screwed her nose up as if she had smelt something distasteful. "It stinks in there."

"It stinks in the Hanged Man."

"Well, yeah, but it has whiskey."

Nas chuckled. "Bad whiskey."

"But whiskey all the same."

Nas nodded her head slightly. She had a point.

It took them about an hour before they reached the outskirts of the Bone Pit. It was half way up a bloody hill, and Nas felt herself breathing heavily. She still hadn't fully recovered from her outburst a few nights ago. She had completely spent all her mana and it had taken nearly four days just for auras to start coming back. She had been getting worried that she had lost her ability to see it. But they had started to come back the night that Isabella had visited.

She followed her senses until they came to a small stream. Nas had bent down and started to scoop the water up like it had been going out of fashion. Isabella took a seat on a rock and Anders had saddled himself night to Nas, much to her dismay.

Fenris, on the other hand, stayed standing with his brooding face set in stone.

When Nas had satisfied her thirst, she sat up. Her hands sparked as she saw how close Anders was. She frowned at him and stood up. His aura shimmered as it turned a dark blue. Turning as if she hadn't noticed his face drop, she started towards the Pit.

As they closer, however, there was a tremendous crash.

Nas looked at Isabella who frowned. They started forward in a jog, unsure of what would cause the noise.

As they approached the rim of the Pit, Nas saw someone had started a little camp around the entrance. Dead corpses were scattered across the plain and she realised they were raiders. Isabella gave her a nod, to which she returned one, and stepped back.

Raising her staff above her head, she called upon her mana. She felt it coursing through her chest and down her arms like a welcome friend. It slithered into her palms and then finally into her staff. Holding it high, she built up the pressure until she felt it waiting to explode under her fingertips.

As quick as a flash, she flung the staff forward, sending the magic out with the force of an arrow.

The white ball raced forward before landing in the raiders' fireplace, blowing up into the air with a deafening crash. Taking it as her signal, Fenris and Isabella charged it.

As Nas threw another spirit ball at a raider, she watched Isabella grabbing knives from her belt and letting them loose with deadly precision. Fenris however had drawn his greatsword from the holder on his back and was tearing into a shortsword-wielding raider, with, in all honesty, very little chance of surviving.

She twisted her mana and changed it, manipulating the magic until she had her desired spell. Lightning wrapped itself harmlessly around her palm and up her arm until she pushed her palm outward, catching a raider and sending him up in spark.

Before she had any real time to work up a bloodlust, the fight was over.

Isabella went around pulling daggers from eyes as Fenris used the shirt of a dead raider to wipe his blade clean. Nas kept her staff in front of her as she and Anders walked into the camp. Fenris had blood splattered over his face and Isabella's white corset was now fleck with crimson droplets.

They walked forward silently, looking over the bodies for anything useful. Nas found a health poultice and Isabella a few coins, but other than that, nothing useful.

"Right then, in we go," said Nas, starting forward.

As they made their way through the winding maze of passages, Nas felt almost bored. She wasn't a great explorer. She mostly preferred fighting things.

They carried on forward into yet another half-built tunnel, but this time, something was different. She felt the change in the air as sure as Anders, and they both looked at each other. Nas summoned a small fireball into her hand, just in case as Anders started on a thin shield around them.

As they slowly went deeper, Nas felt eyes on her. She could feel the presence of something, but it wasn't human. She could smell blood and faeces, and she could smell fire.

Suddenly, it lunged at them. Nas sent the fireball out instantly, blocking the thing in its path. Fenris was upon it while it was stunned, running it through. The thing let out an ungodly shriek before it finally fell down dead.

Stepping closer, she was horrified at what she saw.

A small, purple drake lay at their feet. It must have been a hatchling because its wings were still curled. But it was a dragon.

A fucking dragon.

"Oh hell no! I am not facing another bloody dragon!" said Isabella, stepping back from the hatchling as if it was still alive.

Nas couldn't help but agree, remembering when they had faced their first one not three years ago. It had been huge and had nearly torn Isabella in half. She still had the claw marks on her thigh.

"It's alright, Isabella. We killed the dragon before. These were probably eggs left behind that have hatched."

Isabella did not look convinced. Nas smiled, even though her own doubts whirled through her mind.

"Come on, we'll have a sweep through. I bet this is the only one."

Nas started forward, taking the lead.

"You better be right, Hawke. Else I'm going to strangle you with your own stocking."

Nas chuckled. "Stocking? What stocking?"

The pirate queen smiled, if only briefly.

Two hours later, they had killed seven.

Nas had a new pair of teeth marks on her arm and Isabella had taken a few scratches, but they were just flesh wounds. Isabella was incredibly pissed, and Nas couldn't really blame her. She gave Nas a look that would make a Qunari tremble, but Nas just smiled sweetly.

Turning yet another corner, Nas was surprised to see an exit. The sun glared through brightly, and Nas had to squint. They walked towards it until the sun's soft rays danced over her skin. She took in the scene before her.

The hill sloped down until it came to a huge plain with dark hills rising over the sides. Spread along the pure white sand, were corpses. Some were whole, but other had been... nibbled on. In some areas, there was only a patch of blood and a few scraps of unknown origin.

Nas started forward when she felt something grab her arm. She looked back to see Isabella shaking her head. Her aura was a dull grey. It wasn't often Nas had seen the pirate truly scared, but there it was, as plain as day. Fear.

"Hawke, you know how I hate dragons."

Nas opened her mouth to give her a smart comment when something caught her attention. All four of them spun around and looked into the darkness of the mine.

As if materialising out of nothing, hundreds of bright little eyes came a light, and Nas felt Isabella gulp.

"Out we go then..." breathes Anders.

Slowly, they stepped backwards as the eyes advanced. As they got closer to the light, purple snouts and shining white teeth became visible. Nas felt naked walking into the open plain backwards. Anything could come up behind, but she didn't dare turn.

Slowly, she saw Anders' hands go out before him. To her left, Fenris' skin started to glow, sending the burning metal smell her way. Isabella had her long daggers in front of her, but Nas saw they were shaking oh so slightly.

"Now!"

The hatchlings lunched forward with high cried as Anders' hand came to life, creating a solid wall of spirit in front of them. The dragons charged into it without thinking, stunning some of them. Isabella took the advantage, slicing and slashing furiously. Nas sent small balls of ice their way, freezing them enough to let Fenris chop them in two.

Working in perfect momentum, the four of the dispatched more and more dragonlings until the ground before them was littered with purple carcasses.

More and more spilled out of the mines, sending the party further and further in the open plain.

As Nas sent an ice arrow through the head of a dragonling, something sent shadows across the group. There was a horrendous crash, to their right, and Nas felt her stomach flip at what she saw.

Opening its humungous jaw, the dragon let out a roar that vibrated through Nasara's very soul. The ground beneath them shook and Nas found it hard to stay balanced.

It was far bigger than the one they faced before.

Isabella's aura went black. Anders' aura went so faint it was barely visible. Fenris' aura lost its sparkle and it became a pale white.

"Oh, Maker."

The dragon stepped forward on its hind legs and lowered its head down towards Nas. Her eyes went wide as it opened its mouth. Throwing her hands before her, she created a wall of ice in time to block the wave of fire that poured from its mouth.

Her hands trembled at the force of the fire, but she separated her legs, bracing them. She managed to hold out longer than the dragon, but as it stopped, she felt herself trembling. She had used too much mana already. Before she could gather herself, something thick and purple flew towards. She couldn't even gasp as it smashed into her side, lifting off her feet and throwing her upwards.

She screamed as her body was crushed against the side of a hill. She fell to the floor with an _umph_, her back and neck completely numb. Her lungs were shocked and she couldn't breathe, the weight on her chest was overpowering and she felt her eyes starting to well. She was going to die here, in the dirt, through two collapsed lungs.

Maker, it would be worse than drowning.

She tried in a futile attempt to suck any air in, but her chest wouldn't comply. She knew she had crushed something. Her head started to pulse as she felt the lack of oxygen in her brain.

She reached up slowly and pushed her chest with her hands. Something moved and she felt her lung seem to come alive. Sucking in air hurt, but she didn't stop. The air was burning against her chest, but she knew she needed to absorb it.

Her head stopped spinning after a few moments and she felt more stable. Pushing herself up, she cried out as something in her chest moved. It moved when she knew it shouldn't. Shuddering, she got to her knees.

Looking over a small rock in front of her, she saw the scene below her as if through a cloud of fog. It was too unbelievable.

Anders stood back by the entrance to the mines. His whole body glowed as he sent spell after spell towards the dragon. Fenris parried with more of the dragonlings, but she could see a few slipping past his defences, getting behind him.

Isabella was at the feet of the dragon.

It snapped at her and slashed with its vicious claws, but she was too quick. She jumped back and forth, rolling from side to side. She moved so fast that Nas barely saw her swiping furiously at the dragon with her wicked daggers, drawing blood in a new place every time.

Nas shakily got to her feet, but she could feel places on her back bleeding.

Wiping sweat from her brow, she faced the mighty dragon. Seeing it swipe at Isabella made Nas's heart thump against her chest.

The pirate span just in time, but it was close. Putting her arms in front of her, not knowing where her staff had gone as she had been thrown around like a fucking rag doll.

She breathed in deep as she concentrated on gathering her mana. She could hear the grunt and shouts of her companions as she closed her eyes. She heard the snarls of the dragonlings and the growls of the mamma dragon. But she tried to block it out.

She heard a cry from Fenris, making the newly glowing mana around her arms waver.

_Hold on. Please, just hold on._

Isabella let out a cry, but Nas gritted her teeth.

Another cry made the urge to look overwhelming. She turned her fear around, letting it feed into her chest. She felt the magic pulsing, but it wasn't enough.

"DIE!" roared Anders.

The pain in his voice made her nostrils flare.

Fucking dragons! Fuck you! she screamed in her head.

Her fear suddenly exploded, becoming a beacon of anger. Her mana roared into life. She slowly raised it above her head, keeping her arms together, wrist to wrist. Feeling the mana lapping uncontrollably around her skin, she kept feeding her anger into it, making it pop and sizzle.

"HAWKE!" screamed Isabella.

Nas' eyes snapped open.

"Die, you fucker."

With a possessed war cry, Nas used as much strength as she could to throw the spirit arrow at the dragon.

The bolt moved as the world stopped. The dragon reared up on its hind legs as the bolt flew towards its open chest. Isabella was on her knees as the dragon was about to come down.

As the bolt connected, all sound and thought disappeared. A blinding white light exploded all around them, hiding their entire world in a blanket of light.

Nas felt herself breathing heavily as the light started to fade. Little black dots impaired her vision, but she heard an earth shattering crash as the dragon fell back, its chest completely ripped open by the magic. She felt her shoulders lump as she knew they had run.

Wanting nothing more than to just lie down, Nas felt her body starting to go into shut down. She felt her legs about to buckle when something flared up before her.

The feeling of such hopelessness smashed into her fragile frame with such a force she felt her stomach turn. She spun her head to see Fenris.

He was completely outnumbered by dragonlings. They were behind him, snapping and scratching. The elf's marking were almost hidden by his own blood. Nas felt her heart stop as a dragon reared up behind him.

"_FENRIS!"_

He turned, but it was too late.

The dragon was upon him. Nas screamed as she saw it go for his throat.

Calling up mana that she thought she had spent, she threw a shimmering ball of purple at them.

As it connected with the dragons, Nas noticed how strong the blast was. It sent every one of the dragonlings flying through the air. Isabella and Anders were upon them like vultures, but Nas' felt her heart beating wildly.

She sprinted towards the motionless figure on the ground.

Sliding to a halt beside him, her stomach dropped. Blood pumped over his throat openly. He gurgled as it flowed over his chin and down his shoulders, creating a puddle on the floor.

Nas reached out hysterically, putting her hand over his throat, willing the bleeding to stop.

So much blood... Oh Maker, please!

Fenris coughed, sending a fresh wave of crimson life through Nas' fingers. Tears fell down her face in hopelessness, as she knew he couldn't survive much longer.

He looked at her with a river of blood coming from his mouth. She shook her head. He gave her a look that said it was alright. He was pleading with her to let him go.

"NO! No, you cant!"

The corner of his mouth twitched, trying to smile.

"_NO!"_

Her whole body burst into blue light.

Her magic mingled with his and she felt it feeding into his aura. The shock of the magic made her jolt. She felt her magic pulling at her energy, taking the warmth from her body. Her fingertips became numb, but she felt the rush of blood starting to flow slower.

She watched as her aura started to merge with his. The desperation in her body mingled with the magic, pumping energy into him faster.

Her lips started to tingle, but she couldn't stop. She wouldn't stop.

Black dots appeared in her vision, but she didn't move. Her chest started to tighten, but she couldn't slow down. If she did he would die. He can't die...

Strong hands reached through the magic barrier, grabbing her shoulders and pulling her backwards. Nas gasped loudly as if she had been held underwater. She leaned into Isabella while panting, feeling her whole body shivering. She was so cold.

Isabella was saying something whilst looking up, but Nas couldn't make it out. She felt her eyes flutter as she shivered again. She knew that Isabella's hand on her cheek should have been warm, but it was like there was a barrier stopping any warmth coming through.

Nas looked up to see the worry in Isabella's eyes. It was something she had never seen before on the pirate queen's face. Worry. Concern.

Nas lifted her hand up slowly. She sluggishly touched Isabella's cheek with her finger. As her hand came into sight, Nas was horrified to see they were burning red. Red with blood._ His_ blood. Her mind couldn't take it. It started to go foggy as her hand dropped, leaving a red smear across Isabella's cheek.

_Fenris... please don't die..._

The world went black.


	3. Chapter 3

Birds sang as she lay perfectly still amongst the sweet, green grass. The sun caressed her skin lovingly and she revelled in the peace she felt within. A warm, callused hand brushed a finger gently down her thigh. She sighed in content, loving the feel of his skin against hers. She could lie here forever.

"This is perfect," she whispered.

There was a barely audible sound as he replied lazily. She laughed under her breath, leaving him to his silent dozing.

Why had she ever doubted him? She vaguely remembered anger, but she couldn't for the life of her remember why. What was she so angry about?

She shrugged her shoulders, letting the worry slip away.

_It doesn't matter now. I'm here, with him. That's all that matters. Him. _

She turned her body, leaning her hip bare hip against his. His skin glowed softly under her palm, and she loved the way the lyrium danced across her fingers. When she touched a vein directly, it would start to glow as if sensing her magic. She giggled as she moved her finger from vein to vein, making a glowing crescendo.

"Does that tickle?" she asked.

She waited a second, but he didn't reply. She sighed, guessing he had fallen asleep. She shook her head against his chest, letting her fingers wonder over his chest again.

As she felt herself starting to drift off, something warm touched her hair. She breathed in, frowning. Reaching up, her fingers came into contact with something wet.

"Fenris, you better not be dribbling on me because I swear -"

Her comment was cut off by a gasp. She turned her head. "Fenris?"

Nas felt her face drain of all colour as she took in the sight in front of her. Fenris coughed, sending a wave of blood running down his chest.

Nas jumped up onto her knees, leaning over him. She put her hands over his bleeding jugular but the liquid wouldn't stop. She closed her eyes as he gurgled, the sound making her cringe. She called the magic within her... but it didn't respond.

Her veins felt empty as she gently put pressure onto his throat. Shaking her head wildly, she looked down to see his white hair turning red and his eyes flying about wildly.

"No, Fenris, no!"

He tried to breath but he only managed to splutter. Nas felt herself starting to weep hysterically as she screamed at him to stay awake.

But he just stared at her. She saw the shock in his eyes, the pain. The accusation.

She felt her eyes go wide. She pleaded with him to understand. She couldn't summon her magic! She couldn't stop it! As he took his last shuddering breath, Nas felt his angry look bore into her soul.

And then he was gone.

Nas sat there in silence. She looked at his face, waiting for him to inhale again. His green eyes were glassy and far away. They were empty.

"Fenris? F - Fenris?" she whimpered.

Shaking his body, she felt his head move like a dead weight. The pain inside her chest, in the empty place that her mana was supposed to be, started to grow and twist and burn. Letting out a heart wrenching howl, Nas leant down to him, begging him to open his eyes.

"Wake up! Fenris! Wake up damn you! Please... wake up..."

The peaceful field echoed with the sound of her sobs, and all she could do was howl. _It was her fault. All her fault..._

She opened her eyes with a deep gasp. As if waiting for her to come out of her comatosed state, the pain pounced on her like a tornado. Her right side had its own pulsed as it sent waves of pain through her with every heart beat. She felt so swollen and didn't dare move. Just taking a breath made a tear come to her eyes.

She was lying in a bed, and looking at the dark ceiling above her, she guessed it was her bed. She had asked specifically for the swirls to be put in the plaster when they did the ceilings. She liked to follow them at night when she couldn't sleep. It would make her sleepy.

She couldn't turn her neck because she felt the swelling at the back. Her throat was swollen as well, and her mouth was so dry that her tongue felt like sandpaper.

Blinking at the ceiling, she tried to run her dream through her head. All she could remember was the pain. She wasn't sure if it was just the physical pain, or if her heart had actually felt like it had been crushed and then set on fire.

She could hear the fire crackling as the light danced across the ceiling.

The small crook in her chest where her magic usually sat dormant until she called it felt weak. Her entire body felt battered and bruised. She wanted to rub her eyes, they felt heavy. She moved her hand and then winced. Oh Maker, she felt bad.

Sighing in defeat, she stopped trying to fight it.

Lying completely still, she couldn't stop her mind from wondering. All that blood...

She gasped which made her cry out. The pain in her chest crippled her and she felt her hands curl up into balls. Clenching her teeth, she felt her eyes well up.

_Fenris. _

Was he alright? Was he... alive?

The idea that he was dead made her feel like gagging. She didn't want to think about the reason why her heart started to beat wildly. She didn't want to know why the image of his face covered in so much blood made her eyes sting with tears. She needed to find him. She needed to see him.

She took a deep breath and held it as her lungs burned. Letting it out, she took another. She breathed in and out rapidly until she started to get used to the pain. Her hands opened and closed as she tried to get her head around what she was about to do. Scrunching her eyes closed, she bit her bottom lip.

_Ah, hell._

Lifting her arms, she gritted her teeth as she managed get her elbows onto the bed for support. The movement had jolted her chest, but she knew she needed to get up. She needed to know. She needed to see him.

Her heart bounced around crazily as she braced herself. Closing her eyes, she took one last deep breath. She pushed.

There was a crack somewhere deep in her chest and the agony that followed had her howling. She dropped back onto the bed, writhing. She sobbed as the pain came back, wave after wave through her chest. Blinded by the white hot torture, she screamed to make the pain stop. She screamed for her mother. Screamed for Bethany. Screamed for _him_.

Someone burst through the door and within moments she felt herself being pinned down. The hands holding her biceps were warm. She felt something seeping through them into her blood. It spread through her like a poison, making its way slowly into her chest.

As it touched the pain, she waited for it to make it worse. Instead, the edge of the agony felt like it was about to dim.

Within seconds, the pain had changed and it was becoming a bearable a pulsing in her chest. Feeling herself panting like an overheated dog, sweat poured down her face. Something cool touched her forehead making her moan. Exhaustion tugged at her brain, but she couldn't rest. Not yet, not until she knew.

Forcing her eyes open, everything in front of her was blurry. She could just make out a figure leaning over her.

"Fenris...?"

The figure continued rhythmically wiping the cool material across her burning skin.

"He's alive, Hawke. Don't worry. Go back to sleep."

Her mind fluttered and danced even though her body didn't even twitch. Anders' words echoed around her head as she gave in to the exhaustion. She jumped gladly into the darkness knowing that her sacrifice hadn't been in vain.

The Maker granted her mercy as her sleep was dreamless. She awoke with the same pain in her chest, arms and neck. Her throat still felt swollen, as did her neck, but she felt more alive. She felt like there wasn't a fog over her mind anymore.

She managed to turn her head slight to the left. Sitting in a red velvet armchair was the sleeping figure of the lithe and innocent Merrill. Her black hair fell over her eyes as other bits suck up wildly, making her look like a snuggled up kitten. Her legs were tucked up under her body and her green scarf was pulled over her chin. Nas couldn't help but smile at how peaceful she looked. She hadn't spent nearly enough time with Merrill as she should have. She was like a babe in a new world.

"Merrill?" she whispered. She winced at the hoarseness in her voice.

The elf didn't stir and Nas felt guilty to disturb her. Lying silently, she watched Merrill's breathing. It was soft and quiet, but it had its own rhythm. As her eyes wondered over Merrill's small pointed chin and up to her button nose, she couldn't help but stare at her pointed ears. Her heart started to race as the elf before her made her mind wonder to another elf.

Suddenly, it wasn't so peaceful anymore.

"Merrill?"

The poor girl nearly jumped out of her skin. She looked around sleepily until she seemed to remember where she was. She looked over to Nas and her big green eyes went wide.

"Hawke!"

She jumped to her feet and bounced forward until she landed heavily on the bed. The force sent Nas up, making her gasp. Merrill's eyes went wider.

"I am so sorry!"

Nas felt the urge to swat the little thing, but that was just the pain talking. She grit her teeth and waited for the pain to pass. When it have turned into a dull ache, she opened her eyes.

Merrill stared up at her with such big eyes that she smiled. She looked so sad, as if she had done something grievously wrong.

"Hey," croaked Nas. "Its fine, Merrill. See, I'm already better."

Merrill smiled half-heartedly. She reached over and hovered over Nas's hand with one of her own small, dainty hands. She hesitated, unsure if she would hurt Nas more. Nas smiled and turned her hand palm side up. Merrill breathed out in relief and placed her frail fingers in Nas open palm. Nas curled her fingers.

"How's Fenris?" asked Nas, even though she dreaded the answer, she needed to know.

Merrill's eyes darted over Nas's face.

Her eyes went wide as she saw the pain in Merrill's face. Her heart dropped so low she thought it would burn in her stomach. Her breathing intensified as she stared Merrill down.

"He's... alive. Barely. Anders has been doing what he can, but he's... uncertain that Fenris will..."

Merrill couldn't continue. Such bad news coming from such a musical voice confused Nas. She shook her head even though it hurt.

She saw Merrill wince. Nas released the elf's hand instantly, realising she had been squeezing. Her heart fluttered wildly in her chest and the urge to move drove her crazy. She braced herself and pushed her chest forward but was defeated as a searing pain pierced through her, making her vision go blurry.

"Hawke! You can't move! You crushed two ribs and-"

"And what? I'm supposed to lie here like a broken fucking china doll while Fenris is dying because of me?"

Merrill's face dropped as Nas bit her tongue. She looked away from the elf as her eyes started to sting. She shouldn't take it out on the poor girl. She knew that. She just felt so... frustrated.

"Merrill, I..."

Her throat closed up and she realised if she said another word her emotions would explode. She turned back and faced her. Merrill saw the tears in Nas' eyes and her face became a blanket of warmth. She put her tiny hand on Nas's cheek. Nas was horrified to hear a sob escape her lips. A tear fell into her hair, making her even more frustrated.

They sat together in silence as the grieving for their friend took other both their minds. Nas grieved for Fenris, and Merrill grieved for Nas. But they stayed in quiet understanding until Nas felt her eyes fluttering closed and her exhaustion won the battle, again.

_Four days. Four fucking day's I've been in this pissing bed! If I don't get out soon I'm going to blow a hole in this goddamn wall and run out of it! _

Nas was on edge. She felt like every nerve had been strung so tight she could hardly breathe. The pain in her chest had dimmed, but it still burnt like a bitch when she moved. She had been able to get out of bed a few times thought when Anders helped her walk around the room. And help was him holding her around the waist as if she would break.

She had gotten a good look at her body when she had a bath though. And dear Maker, she looked like she had been painted with black and blue paint.

The entire right side of her body was bruised beyond recognition. The mark of the dragon's tail was plain to see, and the bruising around her shattered ribs was turning a violent orange. She had a few deep cuts somewhere on her back, but overall, she had more shattered bones than stitches. The swelling in her neck and throat had gone down, but her neck still hurt when she turned too quickly.

Her mana had started to regenerate too. She could faintly see auras, and the spot in her chest felt like it was getting stronger. She didn't dare summon any mana to her, but she knew it was still alive, that was the main thing.

She took a deep, calming breath.

A tray of steaming food lay across her lap. For the first two days, she couldn't move her arms properly. She remembered the horror she felt when Anders came in and tried to feed her porridge.

Now, Nas was a strong woman. She would only ever ask for help when she desperately needed it. She had always been the protector. She protected Bethany; she had cleaned and bandaged Carver's cuts and bruises. She was always the strong one – so when he put the spoon to her mouth, she wanted to crush him. Not because he had done anything wrong, but because he was testing her pride. There was only one person who would ever feed her. The only person who had ever fed her.

Her mother watched with a keen eye as Nas reached for her spoon. Her hand trembled so badly that she felt like punching something. Her jaw clenched and her eyes narrowed as she slowly scooped her spoon into the steaming broth.

She tried to lean forward but stopped as her ribs screamed out in protest. Anders had been able to put them back together, but they were still cracked.

Using all of her concentration, she brought the spoon towards her. She tried to get it under control, but her hand shook so badly the liquid spilled from the spoon onto the sheets. Crying out in frustration, Nas felt her anger boil over. Casting the spoon against the wall, she cried out as a shot of pain raced through her side. She fell back with her arm wrapped over her chest protectively.

"Now that's your own fault for acting like a child!" scolded her mother.

Nas seethed as she watched her mother get up and pick the spoon from the floor. She wiped it clean with the skirt of her dress before sitting back down gently on the edge of the bed. She gave Nas such a look that she felt her cheeks burning in shame.

Her mother dipped the spoon back into the bowl and held it steadily in front of Nas's lips. Nas started at it with a hate she had never known. She turned her head away, feeling her pride being sucker punched.

"Nasaraelia Ellouise Hawke, if you do not stop acting like a stubborn child then I will leave this room and send that mage boy in here to feed you."

Shame and anger mixed and became red splotches on Nas's cheeks. With a tense jaw, she turned back to her mother. Leandra gave her a _I mean it look_, and Nas knew she would do it. She loosened her jaw and tried to let go of her anger. She opened her mouth and her mother put the spoonful of food into it.

Nas chewed the finely chopped vegetables. She swallowed it. With pouted lips and frustrated eyes, she looked at her mother.

"It's good," she grumped.

Her mother smiled in triumph, scooped another spoonful and raised it to Nas's lips.

The next morning, she had had enough. Before the sun had risen, Nas had awoken. She felt the urge to see Fenris building inside her, and she knew she couldn't fight it anymore. She needed to see if he was alright. She had been getting daily updates from Anders, telling her that Fenris was alive. He had lost a lot of blood but was managing to pull through. He had been awake for a few hours yesterday while Varric was there, but then he had almost passed out.

Nas managed to sit herself up. She had stuffed the end on her sheet in her mouth to muffle her grunts and moans as she lowered her feet onto the carpeted floor. Her body trembled with the effort and her brow was starting to get slick with sweat. She panted deeply at the impossible task ahead of her. Fenris' mansion was only a five minute walk down the alley, but for all she knew, she would collapse as soon as she stood up. She put her hands on the edge of the bed and lowered her head, preparing herself.

There were dark splodges and red scratches down her arms and legs. A dragonling had also managed to get a swipe at her face too, making an angry red line from her right eyebrow, across her cheek and ending on the tip of her nose.

Holding her breath, Nas pushed with all her might.

Her legs shook violently under the weight and her chest prickled painfully. She put a hand over her side, willing the pain away. As if it had a mind of its own, her mana flared under her hand. She felt the warm glow pouring into her side, numbing it.

_Hmph, didn't know I could do that..._

But then again, she didn't know she could transfer energy into another being...

Standing perfectly still until her legs felt stronger, Nas dared a step forward. She knew if she fell, she would we writhing in agony for hours.

She smiled in triumph as she managed to stay upright after her first step. Pushing her luck, she did it again. Breathing deep, she kept her feet steadily going, one in front of the other. Before she knew it, she stood in front of her dresser. She was only wearing her knickers.

Knowing full well she couldn't bend down to put any kind of greaves on, she shuffled through until she pulled out beautiful red fabric. The robe opened at the front so it was easy to tie around her. Leaving the idea of boots, Nas limped lamely forward until she got to the fireplace. Leaning against the mantle, she felt sweat on her back and forehead.

_Shit, if I'm this tired just walking across the room, how the hell am I supposed to make it to the mansion? _

She sighed heavily.

Something suddenly caught her eye. Turning her head, she smiled as she saw her beautiful whitewood staff leaning against the wall. Limping forward until she reached the wall, she took the staff in her hand.

Her mana danced as it was reunited with its old friend. She put the smooth wood against her forehead until she caught her breath. Turning to face the door, Nas held her staff close.

Entering the small hallway, she watched her mother's room like a hawk, as she limped her way towards the stairs. The staff helped, but if she leaned on it too hard her chest flared in pain. She had one hand on the banister and one on her staff as she painfully made her way down the stairs.

Hearing noise coming from the kitchen, she hobbled her way as fast as she could towards the front door. As her fingers touched the handle, she heard footsteps behind her. Turning as quick as she could, she saw Anders walking sleepily from the parlour towards the kitchen. His blonde hair was loose and it was spiked messily. He yawned and rubbed his eyes as he disappeared from view, not even noticing Nas.

She wanted to giggle, but she couldn't take the chance. Pulling the door open, she managed to awkwardly slip into the empty Hightown courtyard.

Her lungs screamed as her breath came in quick bursts. She leaned against the cold metal door, letting it cool her burning skin. Her chest ached beyond description and her legs were quickly getting weaker. Her breath was ragged and she made a horrible wheezing town every time she inhaled. Her mouth felt like parchment and she probably stank, but she had made it.

_Ha! Take that injuries!_

She smiled through the pain. The sun had come up not too long ago, and she knew they would realise she was missing sooner rather than later. Grabbing the latch, Nas opened the door into the dark foyer of the mansion.

She limped slowly through the broken room, her toes curling at the coldness of the floor. She had stepped on a stone on her way there and had nearly toppled over. She wondered how Fenris and Merrill could go without shoes.

Making her way slowly up the stairs, she walked in a straight line, through two door before she made it to the back of the mansion where Fenris usually kept himself. As she push the door to, she saw the room lit with a single flickering candle. The mattress was pushed up in the corner with numerous bottles, salves and bandages around it.

Her heart slowed as she realised there was no one else in the room. The fire had died and only a few coals were still glowing in the bottom. If she found the energy later, she would stoke it again.

As she limped closer, she saw him.

The candle only splashed a little light over his face, but it was enough. He had his blanket under his arms and his veins pulsed gently to the rhythm of his breathing. He had his head turned towards the wall, his pure white hair splayed across his cheek. Her heart contracted as she saw the white bandage around his neck. Guilt pulsed through her as she realised it was her fault. She had gotten him into danger. He nearly died because of her.

She wasn't sure if she should stay or go. She wanted to stay, Maker she did want to stay. She hated the way she was drawn to him. Since the night she had met him he had been nothing but hostile. He never agreed with her. He insulted her for being a mage. He blamed her for demons and blood magic. He thought she was scum. But he had also told her that her eyes glowed. He told her that he enjoyed following her. He was so irritating and sweet, so rude and caring.

He made her blood boil and her heart race. She wanted to punch him, but she wanted to kiss him.

Sighing, she felt her usual confused feelings come pouring back as if returning with the tide. Seeing a bench by the fire, she made her way slowly there, feeling her legs shaking under the strain.

Looking at him again, she saw the bandage had pink splotches. When he slept, his face lost all those worry lines, all the brooding looks. She saw how young he actually was. He couldn't have been much older than her twenty four years.

She worried her bottom lip. _God damn you, Fenris!_

She lowered her staff and rubbed her tired eyes. She didn't even know why she had come. Why would he want her there? Why did _she_ want to be here?

_Because you wanted to see if he was all right. Well, you've seen. He's breathing perfectly fine and you have no more reason to stay. So, stand up, turn your back, and walk out of the room._

_Ha, yeah right. _

She painfully pushed herself to her feet again and hobbled slowly over to him. As she leaned over his sleeping form, she saw that he was shirtless. She put her fingers to her temple and shook her head. Maker, he gave her a headache.

A whimpering drew her from her thoughts. She looked down and saw him frowning. He jerked his head and raised his hand, touching his face. He mumbled incoherently into the pillow, but she couldn't make it out. He started to twitch as she realised he was dreaming. She would have laughed if not for the pained look on his face.

As he jerked his head again, she saw the bandaged get tugged. Crimson started to absorb into the bandage and she knew he had pulled either a scab or a stitch.

Stiffly and ungracefully, she managed to get her rump onto the edge of his mattress.

She felt awkward as her hands hovered over him. She was never very good playing nurse, especially not with lyrium-engraved, half-naked elves anyway.

He raised his arms and dropped them again. Nas flinched; worried that he would smack her right where it hurt. She reached for his cheek but her hands stopped, curled up and pulled away. She worried her bottom lip again. She was _never_ this unsure. She was _always_ in control. Always.

And now she felt like child trying to comfort a crying stranger. Unfortunately, she couldn't just pat him on the head.

Sighing once again in frustration, she put her hand on his arm.

He gasped so suddenly she felt herself jump.

"Shit, Fenris!" she said as her heart raced against her fragile ribs.

He sat up so quickly that she was suddenly all too close to him. He looked at her so intensely that all she could do was stare back. His emerald eyes filled her vision and his look had her moving backwards ever so slightly. She had never been so... watched.

"What?" she asked at last, feeling uncomfortable.

He blinked, as if coming back into his own mind. "Hawke?"

His voice was barely audible and by the way he winced, she knew he hurt. His bandage was so filled with blood that a drop broke free down his neck. She swallowed back the lump in her throat and coughed. Sadly, she winced as she did so.

His eyes shot down to the place her hand covered on her chest. She shrugged him off and reached for his neck.

Shocked, the elf jumped backwards.

She dropped her hands and gave him a don't-be-an-idiot look.

"You're bleeding," she said matter-of-factly.

His wild eyes searched her face. She raised an eyebrow, wondering what the hell he was looking for. Finally, he reached up to his bandage. Pulling his finger away red, he looked up at her again. His eyes darted to the salves, bottles and bandages.

"Lie down," she ordered as she reached slowly over to a bottle. As she bent, she grunted, feeling it pull sharply against her chest.

"You're hurt," he croaked.

She looked over to him. "Yes I am. It's what happens when a dragon throws you into the side of a cliff."

She gave him a smirk to tell him she was teasing. He didn't smile back, but he didn't frown either, which wasn't necessarily a bad sign.

She pretended like she didn't care and brought the small bottle towards her face. Pulling the cork her nose was suddenly overwhelmed with the sharp tang of antiseptic. She shoved it away from her nose before it burnt her nostrils.

"That's what we need," she said, more to herself than him.

Grabbing a wad of bandages she turned to him. He gave her a doubtful look.

"I've been cleaning cuts since before you could walk so don't give me that look. Now, lie down."

That was probably untrue, but it fit the moment. She watched him, waiting for his smart comment... which didn't come. She wanted to frown but she wouldn't give him the satisfaction. Either he was too tired or in too much pain to argue because he did as she ordered and lowered himself onto his back.

She blinked a few times before clearing the shock. Inwardly shaking her head, she carefully pulled herself closer to him. She sat by his shoulder and felt her skin prickle as he looked up at her. She put the bottle by her foot.

Why was he looking at her like that? All doe-eyed and mushy...

Oh Maker, he didn't remember did he? Oh shit. He remembered. He remembered her crying, the way she screamed for him, at him.

Panic flared through her brain. Before she did anything stupid, however, Fenris turned his head, giving her access to his neck. She inwardly slapped herself and reached over to his bandage.

With shaking fingers, she got her nail gently under the edge. Peeling it off slowly, Nas felt herself gasp as she saw what was underneath.

It was a mass of torn flesh, stitches and lyrium.

"That bad?"

"Shush," she said.

She was surprised to hear him chuckle.

Nas tried to swallow back the urge to poke him. She put the bloodied bandage on the floor and grabbed the bottle and a fresh bandage. Pouring some of the antiseptic onto the bandage, she slowly put it against his skin.

Fenris hissed so violently it made her jump. A shooting pain surged through her making her eyes water. She bent over with her head lowered until the pain passed. Looking up again, she saw him watching her from under his dark lashes.

Nas sniffed and looked back at his wound, her face neutral. She started again on his neck, brushing away the blood slowly. As his skin became visible, she made out the bite marks. Some of them had torn creating a jagged slash. There were other puncture marks in the shape of an arc. He would have a fierce scar.

The lyrium on his skin however, was untouched.

It pulsed slightly as she continued to clean. She could smell it. A metallic burning smell. It wasn't unattractive, just very sharp and almost tangy.

"Will you stop?" she asked, the smell was beginning to overwhelm her.

"What?"

"The glowing thing, can you control it?" she asked. She tried to be as polite as she could.

"Is it bothering you?" Even though he could barely talk, she could still hear the bitterness in his voice.

"A little. I can small it and its becoming a bit... potent."

She saw his body go stiff. "You... smell it?"

She sighed. _Ah, here we go._

Nas didn't look at him as she found the cut that had started bleeding. She put the bandage over it and pushed slightly, hoping the pressure would stop it.

He didn't say anything else and she tried to be the better person, even though she could see the disgust in the yellow-green of his aura. She tried not to let it bother her that he was disgusted by her. She felt her hurt starting to turn into anger, like it always did.

A few minutes later, she pulled the bandage away. The small puncture had stopped bleeding so heavily, it just wept a little.

She remained silent as she grabbed a clean piece of bandage. She took a small box of salve and lined the corners with the clear goo. Leaning forward, she gently stuck the bandage back onto his neck. As she pulled away, she saw him turn.

Nas felt her jaw tighten as she put the bottles back where they were.

Then she saw it. The blood.

Her fingers were red and she couldn't help the pain from flaring up. She stopped and stared at her hands, the horror of feeling all the blood washing so freely through her fingers. That hopelessness...

"Hawke?" asked Fenris.

She closed her eyes and brought her hands back into her chest. She wiped them vigorously over her skirt, trying to get rid of the blood. Here she was with the man she had nearly killed and then only just saved, but she didn't even want to look at him.

"Nasara?"

Her head snapped up, causing her neck to crack. She winced but looked at him. Did he just...?

His dark green eyes watched her from under his white fringe. She felt as if he was looking right through her. Her heart fluttered involuntarily and she felt her palms going sweaty.

His aura shimmered and she smiled to see it turn a pale orange.

He tilted his head, and she felt his confusion. She shook her head and looked down, letting him stay confused. She rocked herself gently, trying to gather momentum to get herself to her feet. As she was about to make a move to her feet, a warm hand touched her skin.

At his touch her mana flared with her emotion. Her palm glowed a calm purple before she could stop it. She saw his veins pulse in reaction, but his aura didn't. The orange glow faded and was replaced with that dirty yellow. Her heart dropped and she looked down. She called her magic back into her chest, willing herself to stay strong.

Without gaining momentum, she pushed herself to her feet, causing her to cry out. She felt herself sway slightly on her feet as the blinding pain wracked her whole body. She gasped and spluttered, bending over and cradling her chest. She felt the inevitable buckling of her knees and she waited for her connection with the ground.

Instead, she landed in strong arms. Fenris looked down at her, worry so clear on his face. She looked at him, wishing that he were somehow different. She wished she could be with him, but she just hated him too damn much – just as he hated her.

She felt herself being lowered slowly onto the soft mattress. The spot was still warm as her body completely moulded into the wonderfully spongy bed. Her eyes were closed before the blanket was even put over her.

Opening her eyes slightly, she saw him watching her, his aura glowing a warm gold. The sadness inside her came up in waves.

She would have really cared for him – if he had only let her.

Her eyes fluttered closed before the tiny clear droplet fell from her lashes.


	4. Chapter 4

The quiet crackling of the fire was the only sound in the room.

Nas lay on her front, her arm dangling over the side of the bed. The thin sheet was draped lazily over her backside, leaving the soft skin of her back visible. Her cheek was against the rough edge of the mattress and it dug into her skin, but she was too preoccupied to care.

A warm hand slid up her back, making her smile with her eyes closed.

"I should probably go."

Nas took a deep breath. She rolled over and landed on a wonderfully warm body.

"M'kay," she said sleepily. "See you tomorrow."

Nas planted a quick kiss on Isabella's mouth before turning back to her original position. She felt Izzy get off the bed and she could hear her getting dressed. There was a metallic swoosh, and Nas guessed she was sheathing one of her many daggers.

The rhythmic thumping of boots told Nas that Isabella had left.

Opening her eyes, she stared into the fire.

The idea that she was now alone relieved her and terrified her at the same time. Her fingertips brushed the smooth red carpet. Nas started to drag her nails slowly across it, feeling the individual strand of cotton getting caught under them.

As she closed her eyes and started to think, her fingers traced no particular pattern. She kept moving it softly, the same motion calming her whirring thoughts.

After her outburst the other day, her companions were a little weary of her.

She knew why Varric was. He had seen her naked – it was enough to make any dwarf blush.

Anders was pretty pissed, and the purple bruise on his cheek was evidence why. She hadn't really spoken to him, and she certainly wasn't about to apologise! That cheeky fuck had groped her chest. He tried to explain he needed to buzz her chest muscles, but she knew he just wanted a feel.

Isabella... ah, Isabella... the wonderfully uncomplicated Isabella. After seeing Nas in all her naked glory, Isabella had been after her like a bitch on heat. It was nice, until she gave in. The chase was always so much funnier.

_Ah, well. Can't be the hard ass all the time_, she thought.

And Fenris.

_Hmph, what about Fenris? Fenris should be wearing the bruise. He was just lucky she was too upset; else she would have rammed his sword so far up his arse that he would be spitting metal. _

The thought made her smile against the sheets. Oh, she was bitch sometimes.

A bead of sweat silently dripped down her cheek. Her brows were screwed up tightly in concentration.

"Now - light the candle."

Nas felt her arms starting to pull. She was standing on one leg with a pile of three books balanced on her head. In her left hand she held a huge rock in line with her shoulder. Her arm was starting to shake as her bicep started to burn.

In her right hand she held her staff in front of her.

"Yeah, say it like it's so fucking easy," she growled.

Anders chuckled. Nas's blood started to race and she felt herself unwillingly drawing mana to her. She saw Anders' blue aura waver slightly, and she knew he felt her pulling power.

He stood about twenty paces away from her behind a small crate where a tiny candle stood. She gave him a sharp look before setting her eyes on the barely visible wick. She closed her eyes as another bead of sweat dripped down her face.

She had been standing here for fucking hours – and she was getting annoyed with Anders' smart comments. She knew he was getting her back for walloping him, but it was starting to become un-funny.

Taking a deep breath, she opened her eyes.

Drawing a tiny string of mana from her chest, she willed it to comply with her commands. Seeing it in her mind's eye, the tiny glow of purple materialised in front of her vision. Narrowing her eyes, she sent it forward ever so slowly.

It snaked forward, and she wasn't sure if Anders could see it or not, but as it wound its way over the crate, it started to pulse brighter.

_Shit, shit, shit, shit._

Holding her breath, she willed the magic to stay on course and light the candle, but she felt her grasp slipping. Her arm was shaking furiously and she could feel the books starting to slip.

"Anders, I - what the hell?"

The slither of magic swelled drastically until it burst with a massive _pop!_

The books crashed to the ground, and Nas wasn't far behind them, landing heavily on her rump. She looked up at Varric with a sour look. He gave her a sheepish look before turning back to Anders.

"We're having a diamondback tournament at the Hanged Man tonight, you in?"

"Shit, don't invite me or anything," said Nas, getting to her feet.

Varric chuckled and offered her a hand. A hand which she did not take, thank-you-very-much.

"You're always invited, Hawke. Just don't start any brawls tonight though, eh?"

She gave him a sarcastic smile before turning and picking up her staff. Anders gave Varric a nod before turning to face Nas. She had her staff in front of her, and she had some payback to deal.

"My turn to teach."

She gave Anders time to draw his staff before turning in a circle and twisting her staff in an arc. The woods met with a crack. She danced backwards, easily avoiding his sweep. Just jumped forward slightly, teasing him to swinging for her and then darting back, making his face darken ever so slightly.

Oh she loved it when she did that.

Laughing, she twirled again, avoiding another blow.

"I'll, uh, just leave you two to it then," said Varric.

Neither of them turned as the dwarf turned and left. Nas took her staff in both hands as Anders started an aggressive sweep. Her metal clashed with his, sending vibrations through her wrists, making her glad that she had her supports on. She used the right end to stop another blow towards her stomach. As she blocked it, she raised the other end, tapping his chest with it.

She saw Anders' eyes flash momentarily blue.

She hated the way she shivered. What the hell was it with her and guy's glowing? Surely that should be a turn-off?

Anders face went serious as he swung his staff in another arch, and this time, Nas nearly missed. She was taken aback as he didn't stop, using his momentum do stab for her knees. Jumping up, she avoided the blow and used the advantage to take a swing for herself. It was blocked roughly.

As Anders started another onslaught, she realised he wasn't playing anymore. If any of his hits connected then he could break something. Starting back into a defensive position, she tried to slow his movements, trying to end the exercise. As he twisted himself and went for a blow near her chest, Nas found herself jumping backwards.

Her back slammed into a wall and she looked around the clinic, realising that she was cornered. Anders didn't stop however, and she saw that his whole body was a glow with the deep blue light of Justice. She felt his presence in the room, as if the Fade had personified itself. The power that surged around him was something that made her involuntarily tremble, and Anders' aura had been completely engulfed by Justice's power. Feeling her mana well up inside her, Nas put her staff in front of her.

She was not going to give the spirit a chance to smell her fear.

"Anders? Are you there?"

Justice put his hand in front of him and she saw his hand erupt into blue flames. Nas sent the mana through her hands into her staff, making it glow green. She spun it in front of her, creating a circle. It slowly covered her and pulsed faintly.

_Damn, Nas. Way to piss off the spirit of Vengeance. _

"Anders," she said, sternly.

She saw the flame glow brighter, but Anders' expression started to change. His eyes started to flicker until they became a golden glow. He looked around as if confused until he saw the flaming ball of fire in his hand.

Gasping, he closed his fingers, making the fire disappear.

Nas relaxed her stance and let the shield go down. Feeling the anger inside her, she raised her staff and gave him a sharp tap on the head.

"Hey!"

"You complete ass hole!"

Without another word, she stomped past him. Knocking his should as she passed him, she headed straight to the door without looking back.

A sudden grip on her arm had her twirling back around. Anders slammed her against a rough wall, but she had no time to protest. He crushed her lips with his own. For a second she raised her fist to put it straight into his gut, but as he leaned closer, she could feel the heat of his skin. His aura tickled as it started to merge with her own purple glow.

Hating herself for it, she felt her muscles starting to limp and her body started to react to his. Sensing her submission, Anders pressed himself closer.

Nas breathed him in. A sweet mix of sweat and magic. It was spicy yet pure, like fresh water mixed with spiced wine. Opening her mouth, she felt his tongue start to explore. Suddenly, she felt something else. Another presence. Before she had opened her eyes, she knew who it was.

She knew that smell. It was metallic against oil and leather.

Her hands became purple balls as she used her force to push Anders back. He only stumbled a few feet, but it was enough to make him give her a confused look. She looked behind him, and sure enough, there he was.

His aura was a deep, deep green and she inwardly smiled.

"Fenris?" she asked expectantly.

He wore his usually stony look, but she could see is aura getting bright, pulsing with the timing of his heart. _Ha! Ha, ha, ha! He's jealous!_

She wanted to dance around and laugh and point. But she didn't. She carried on looking at him expectantly.

"Hawke. There has been word of a disturbance around the Bone Pit mines. Your partner is looking for you."

She nodded. "Then let's go. Anders, grab your staff."

As she passed Fenris, she felt his aura and she could smell the lyrium burn.

As the men started behind her, she felt the tension emit around them. Anders was pleased with himself, and Fenris was silently seething. As she looked ahead, she couldn't help but smile.

A short while later, Nas found herself stood in the Hanged Man. Hubert had been whining about something to do with the Bone Pit. Apparently it had been sacked or something and he wanted her to check it out. She was leaning against the bar on one elbow, waiting for Isabella to hurry the hell up. Fenris stood somewhere to her left, hi ding in a shadow. But she could still the faint outline. It had turned to a very light green with blue flecks in it.

Anders, however, was right beside her. Like, almost humping her leg beside her.

Feeling his aura knocking into her own, she stood up straighter.

_Damn it, Nasara! You stupid, stupid girl! Now you've given the puppy a chew toy that's too big_.

She sighed, and prayed, that Isabella would be out soon.

As if the Maker Himself heard her plea, Isabella bounced down the stairs. Her aura was a pleasant pink, and she knew that colour all too well.

"Isabella, you couldn't have come back to it?" she asked as Isabella crossed the room.

"He was leaving in an hour."

"Mmm hmm. Yeah, sure, and I'm the queen of Antiva."

They started towards the door as Isabella gave her a surprised look and gasped.

"Your majesty!" she said grandly, bowing slightly.

Nas laughed and shook her head. Opening the door. Isabella bounced through, thoroughly pleased with herself and her latest conquest.

They walked into the mild sunshine, Anders directly behind her and Fenris somewhere near the back. Isabella started in depth about the man she had just had as they rounded the corner, heading towards the west exit of Kirkwall.

"So, where are we going?" she asked, while pulled a small throwing dagger from the belt around her waist. She looked down briefly as she used the tip to slowly drag under her left index finger.

"The Bone Pit."

Isabella screwed her nose up as if she had smelt something distasteful. "It stinks in there."

"It stinks in the Hanged Man."

"Well, yeah, but it has whiskey."

Nas chuckled. "Bad whiskey."

"But whiskey all the same."

Nas nodded her head slightly. She had a point.

It took them about an hour before they reached the outskirts of the Bone Pit. It was half way up a bloody hill, and Nas felt herself breathing heavily. She still hadn't fully recovered from her outburst a few nights ago. She had completely spent all her mana and it had taken nearly four days just for auras to start coming back. She had been getting worried that she had lost her ability to see it. But they had started to come back the night that Isabella had visited.

She followed her senses until they came to a small stream. Nas had bent down and started to scoop the water up like it had been going out of fashion. Isabella took a seat on a rock and Anders had saddled himself night to Nas, much to her dismay.

Fenris, on the other hand, stayed standing with his brooding face set in stone.

When Nas had satisfied her thirst, she sat up. Her hands sparked as she saw how close Anders was. She frowned at him and stood up. His aura shimmered as it turned a dark blue. Turning as if she hadn't noticed his face drop, she started towards the Pit.

As they closer, however, there was a tremendous crash.

Nas looked at Isabella who frowned. They started forward in a jog, unsure of what would cause the noise.

As they approached the rim of the Pit, Nas saw someone had started a little camp around the entrance. Dead corpses were scattered across the plain and she realised they were raiders. Isabella gave her a nod, to which she returned one, and stepped back.

Raising her staff above her head, she called upon her mana. She felt it coursing through her chest and down her arms like a welcome friend. It slithered into her palms and then finally into her staff. Holding it high, she built up the pressure until she felt it waiting to explode under her fingertips.

As quick as a flash, she flung the staff forward, sending the magic out with the force of an arrow.

The white ball raced forward before landing in the raiders' fireplace, blowing up into the air with a deafening crash. Taking it as her signal, Fenris and Isabella charged it.

As Nas threw another spirit ball at a raider, she watched Isabella grabbing knives from her belt and letting them loose with deadly precision. Fenris however had drawn his greatsword from the holder on his back and was tearing into a shortsword-wielding raider, with, in all honesty, very little chance of surviving.

She twisted her mana and changed it, manipulating the magic until she had her desired spell. Lightning wrapped itself harmlessly around her palm and up her arm until she pushed her palm outward, catching a raider and sending him up in spark.

Before she had any real time to work up a bloodlust, the fight was over.

Isabella went around pulling daggers from eyes as Fenris used the shirt of a dead raider to wipe his blade clean. Nas kept her staff in front of her as she and Anders walked into the camp. Fenris had blood splattered over his face and Isabella's white corset was now fleck with crimson droplets.

They walked forward silently, looking over the bodies for anything useful. Nas found a health poultice and Isabella a few coins, but other than that, nothing useful.

"Right then, in we go," said Nas, starting forward.

As they made their way through the winding maze of passages, Nas felt almost bored. She wasn't a great explorer. She mostly preferred fighting things.

They carried on forward into yet another half-built tunnel, but this time, something was different. She felt the change in the air as sure as Anders, and they both looked at each other. Nas summoned a small fireball into her hand, just in case as Anders started on a thin shield around them.

As they slowly went deeper, Nas felt eyes on her. She could feel the presence of something, but it wasn't human. She could smell blood and faeces, and she could smell fire.

Suddenly, it lunged at them. Nas sent the fireball out instantly, blocking the thing in its path. Fenris was upon it while it was stunned, running it through. The thing let out an ungodly shriek before it finally fell down dead.

Stepping closer, she was horrified at what she saw.

A small, purple drake lay at their feet. It must have been a hatchling because its wings were still curled. But it was a dragon.

A fucking dragon.

"Oh hell no! I am not facing another bloody dragon!" said Isabella, stepping back from the hatchling as if it was still alive.

Nas couldn't help but agree, remembering when they had faced their first one not three years ago. It had been huge and had nearly torn Isabella in half. She still had the claw marks on her thigh.

"It's alright, Isabella. We killed the dragon before. These were probably eggs left behind that have hatched."

Isabella did not look convinced. Nas smiled, even though her own doubts whirled through her mind.

"Come on, we'll have a sweep through. I bet this is the only one."

Nas started forward, taking the lead.

"You better be right, Hawke. Else I'm going to strangle you with your own stocking."

Nas chuckled. "Stocking? What stocking?"

The pirate queen smiled, if only briefly.

Two hours later, they had killed seven.

Nas had a new pair of teeth marks on her arm and Isabella had taken a few scratches, but they were just flesh wounds. Isabella was incredibly pissed, and Nas couldn't really blame her. She gave Nas a look that would make a Qunari tremble, but Nas just smiled sweetly.

Turning yet another corner, Nas was surprised to see an exit. The sun glared through brightly, and Nas had to squint. They walked towards it until the sun's soft rays danced over her skin. She took in the scene before her.

The hill sloped down until it came to a huge plain with dark hills rising over the sides. Spread along the pure white sand, were corpses. Some were whole, but other had been... nibbled on. In some areas, there was only a patch of blood and a few scraps of unknown origin.

Nas started forward when she felt something grab her arm. She looked back to see Isabella shaking her head. Her aura was a dull grey. It wasn't often Nas had seen the pirate truly scared, but there it was, as plain as day. Fear.

"Hawke, you know how I hate dragons."

Nas opened her mouth to give her a smart comment when something caught her attention. All four of them spun around and looked into the darkness of the mine.

As if materialising out of nothing, hundreds of bright little eyes came a light, and Nas felt Isabella gulp.

"Out we go then..." breathes Anders.

Slowly, they stepped backwards as the eyes advanced. As they got closer to the light, purple snouts and shining white teeth became visible. Nas felt naked walking into the open plain backwards. Anything could come up behind, but she didn't dare turn.

Slowly, she saw Anders' hands go out before him. To her left, Fenris' skin started to glow, sending the burning metal smell her way. Isabella had her long daggers in front of her, but Nas saw they were shaking oh so slightly.

"Now!"

The hatchlings lunched forward with high cried as Anders' hand came to life, creating a solid wall of spirit in front of them. The dragons charged into it without thinking, stunning some of them. Isabella took the advantage, slicing and slashing furiously. Nas sent small balls of ice their way, freezing them enough to let Fenris chop them in two.

Working in perfect momentum, the four of the dispatched more and more dragonlings until the ground before them was littered with purple carcasses.

More and more spilled out of the mines, sending the party further and further in the open plain.

As Nas sent an ice arrow through the head of a dragonling, something sent shadows across the group. There was a horrendous crash, to their right, and Nas felt her stomach flip at what she saw.

Opening its humungous jaw, the dragon let out a roar that vibrated through Nasara's very soul. The ground beneath them shook and Nas found it hard to stay balanced.

It was far bigger than the one they faced before.

Isabella's aura went black. Anders' aura went so faint it was barely visible. Fenris' aura lost its sparkle and it became a pale white.

"Oh, Maker."

The dragon stepped forward on its hind legs and lowered its head down towards Nas. Her eyes went wide as it opened its mouth. Throwing her hands before her, she created a wall of ice in time to block the wave of fire that poured from its mouth.

Her hands trembled at the force of the fire, but she separated her legs, bracing them. She managed to hold out longer than the dragon, but as it stopped, she felt herself trembling. She had used too much mana already. Before she could gather herself, something thick and purple flew towards. She couldn't even gasp as it smashed into her side, lifting off her feet and throwing her upwards.

She screamed as her body was crushed against the side of a hill. She fell to the floor with an _umph_, her back and neck completely numb. Her lungs were shocked and she couldn't breathe, the weight on her chest was overpowering and she felt her eyes starting to well. She was going to die here, in the dirt, through two collapsed lungs.

Maker, it would be worse than drowning.

She tried in a futile attempt to suck any air in, but her chest wouldn't comply. She knew she had crushed something. Her head started to pulse as she felt the lack of oxygen in her brain.

She reached up slowly and pushed her chest with her hands. Something moved and she felt her lung seem to come alive. Sucking in air hurt, but she didn't stop. The air was burning against her chest, but she knew she needed to absorb it.

Her head stopped spinning after a few moments and she felt more stable. Pushing herself up, she cried out as something in her chest moved. It moved when she knew it shouldn't. Shuddering, she got to her knees.

Looking over a small rock in front of her, she saw the scene below her as if through a cloud of fog. It was too unbelievable.

Anders stood back by the entrance to the mines. His whole body glowed as he sent spell after spell towards the dragon. Fenris parried with more of the dragonlings, but she could see a few slipping past his defences, getting behind him.

Isabella was at the feet of the dragon.

It snapped at her and slashed with its vicious claws, but she was too quick. She jumped back and forth, rolling from side to side. She moved so fast that Nas barely saw her swiping furiously at the dragon with her wicked daggers, drawing blood in a new place every time.

Nas shakily got to her feet, but she could feel places on her back bleeding.

Wiping sweat from her brow, she faced the mighty dragon. Seeing it swipe at Isabella made Nas's heart thump against her chest.

The pirate span just in time, but it was close. Putting her arms in front of her, not knowing where her staff had gone as she had been thrown around like a fucking rag doll.

She breathed in deep as she concentrated on gathering her mana. She could hear the grunt and shouts of her companions as she closed her eyes. She heard the snarls of the dragonlings and the growls of the mamma dragon. But she tried to block it out.

She heard a cry from Fenris, making the newly glowing mana around her arms waver.

_Hold on. Please, just hold on._

Isabella let out a cry, but Nas gritted her teeth.

Another cry made the urge to look overwhelming. She turned her fear around, letting it feed into her chest. She felt the magic pulsing, but it wasn't enough.

"DIE!" roared Anders.

The pain in his voice made her nostrils flare.

Fucking dragons! Fuck you! she screamed in her head.

Her fear suddenly exploded, becoming a beacon of anger. Her mana roared into life. She slowly raised it above her head, keeping her arms together, wrist to wrist. Feeling the mana lapping uncontrollably around her skin, she kept feeding her anger into it, making it pop and sizzle.

"HAWKE!" screamed Isabella.

Nas' eyes snapped open.

"Die, you fucker."

With a possessed war cry, Nas used as much strength as she could to throw the spirit arrow at the dragon.

The bolt moved as the world stopped. The dragon reared up on its hind legs as the bolt flew towards its open chest. Isabella was on her knees as the dragon was about to come down.

As the bolt connected, all sound and thought disappeared. A blinding white light exploded all around them, hiding their entire world in a blanket of light.

Nas felt herself breathing heavily as the light started to fade. Little black dots impaired her vision, but she heard an earth shattering crash as the dragon fell back, its chest completely ripped open by the magic. She felt her shoulders lump as she knew they had run.

Wanting nothing more than to just lie down, Nas felt her body starting to go into shut down. She felt her legs about to buckle when something flared up before her.

The feeling of such hopelessness smashed into her fragile frame with such a force she felt her stomach turn. She spun her head to see Fenris.

He was completely outnumbered by dragonlings. They were behind him, snapping and scratching. The elf's marking were almost hidden by his own blood. Nas felt her heart stop as a dragon reared up behind him.

"_FENRIS!"_

He turned, but it was too late.

The dragon was upon him. Nas screamed as she saw it go for his throat.

Calling up mana that she thought she had spent, she threw a shimmering ball of purple at them.

As it connected with the dragons, Nas noticed how strong the blast was. It sent every one of the dragonlings flying through the air. Isabella and Anders were upon them like vultures, but Nas' felt her heart beating wildly.

She sprinted towards the motionless figure on the ground.

Sliding to a halt beside him, her stomach dropped. Blood pumped over his throat openly. He gurgled as it flowed over his chin and down his shoulders, creating a puddle on the floor.

Nas reached out hysterically, putting her hand over his throat, willing the bleeding to stop.

So much blood... Oh Maker, please!

Fenris coughed, sending a fresh wave of crimson life through Nas' fingers. Tears fell down her face in hopelessness, as she knew he couldn't survive much longer.

He looked at her with a river of blood coming from his mouth. She shook her head. He gave her a look that said it was alright. He was pleading with her to let him go.

"NO! No, you cant!"

The corner of his mouth twitched, trying to smile.

"_NO!"_

Her whole body burst into blue light.

Her magic mingled with his and she felt it feeding into his aura. The shock of the magic made her jolt. She felt her magic pulling at her energy, taking the warmth from her body. Her fingertips became numb, but she felt the rush of blood starting to flow slower.

She watched as her aura started to merge with his. The desperation in her body mingled with the magic, pumping energy into him faster.

Her lips started to tingle, but she couldn't stop. She wouldn't stop.

Black dots appeared in her vision, but she didn't move. Her chest started to tighten, but she couldn't slow down. If she did he would die. He can't die...

Strong hands reached through the magic barrier, grabbing her shoulders and pulling her backwards. Nas gasped loudly as if she had been held underwater. She leaned into Isabella while panting, feeling her whole body shivering. She was so cold.

Isabella was saying something whilst looking up, but Nas couldn't make it out. She felt her eyes flutter as she shivered again. She knew that Isabella's hand on her cheek should have been warm, but it was like there was a barrier stopping any warmth coming through.

Nas looked up to see the worry in Isabella's eyes. It was something she had never seen before on the pirate queen's face. Worry. Concern.

Nas lifted her hand up slowly. She sluggishly touched Isabella's cheek with her finger. As her hand came into sight, Nas was horrified to see they were burning red. Red with blood._ His_ blood. Her mind couldn't take it. It started to go foggy as her hand dropped, leaving a red smear across Isabella's cheek.

_Fenris... please don't die..._

The world went black.


	5. Chapter 5

Dedicated to *moredot and DragoninK21 ^_^

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It took two weeks for Nas to be able to touch her toes. Her body was now turning incredibly unattractive shades of yellow and green, and it hurt to have anyone touch her. Isabella had taken her arm, but it was enough to bring tears to Nas's eyes.

She had mostly stayed inside, brooding.

_Stupid fucking bruises... stupid body..._

She rubbed her eyes, putting the open book flat on her chest. She winced for a second before sighing deeply. Her friends had visited her often, bringing her gossip. She had even managed a trip to the Hanged Man for a diamondback tourney, but she had lost. Which hadn't helped her mood.

It had been the first time she had seen Fenris after she had passed out in his bed. He looked better, less about-to-drop. He still had a small bandage around his neck, but it was covered by his shining white hair.

She put her thumb and forefinger on her temples, willing the forming headache to go away.

That's what he did to her now, gave her a headache. He had been acting strange that night. He was... shy almost. His aura changed colours every other minute, making it impossible to tell what mood he was in. It was orange when he wasn't looking at her, and when he did, it went darker, redder until it started to go pink. Then it would instantly go blue. When he looked at Anders it went green and then blue, and then at Isabella it went white.

It was so overwhelming sometimes that she had to leave the table to 'buy another round'. It had depleted her coin purse something awful.

She found herself yawning as she looked over her room. The fireplace crackled and popped to her right while her wardrobe stood tall and proud to her left. She yawned again, even though she knew she wasn't tired. She had slept so much during the past few weeks, she felt like she should go jogging for twenty four hours straight.

Her belly had started to turn to jelly.

Even after only a few weeks, she saw a definite change on her hips. They jiggled a little as she walked, which irritated her to no end. She was usually taught and fit, but now she just felt lazy. She needed to _do_ something other than rest; else she would start tearing her hair out.

There was a rapping noise against her door, jolting her from her thoughts.

"Messere, your companion Varric is at the door," sounded Bodahn.

Nas yawned again.

"OK, let him into the parlour. I'll be down in a minute."

She heard Bodahn shuffle away.

Wondering why Varric would be here so late, she slowly got to her feet. Undoing the silk ribbon holding her dressing gown together, she let it slide off her shoulders like water. It pooled around her in a crimson wave. She walked slowly over to her chest of drawers. Pulling out a long pair of thick trousers, she searched for something to wear on her body.

Finding a deep green cotton tunic, she managed to bend over awkwardly and pull her trousers up. Pulling the tunic over her chest, she felt it falling over her rump comfortably.

Leaving her feet bare, she ran her fingers through her hair. Starting forward, Nas made her way into the hall. She only had a slight limp now but she still felt self conscious. It was a feeling she didn't feel often.

Walking down the stairs, she saw a figure standing by the blazing hearth in the parlour.

As she got closer, she saw Varric closely examining a book on the table. Nas smirked as she realised what it was. _'A Lay Sister in Love.'_

"Isabella thought I could use some passion in my life, apparently."

Varric spun on his heel, greeting her with a warm smile.

"Hawke! How you doing?"

Nas headed towards the dark brown sofa, gesturing for the dwarf to do the same. He sat himself down heavily in the armchair opposite the sofa, setting his back to the fire.

"So, what's up Varric? It's a little late for social calls," she teased.

He smirked. From the inside of his thick jacket, he produced an unidentifiable bottle filled with dark liquid. Nas' eyebrows went up in surprise, partly because she wasn't expecting it, and partly because she wondered how something so big fit in a jacket that small.

She gave him a questioning look.

He shoulders slumped as he looked at her in disbelief. She kept her face still as she frantically searched her mind for something she had missed. A date? A special occasion?

"Don't tell me you've forgotten your own birthday again, Hawke."

She sat for a moment in stunned silence. Ah...

She looked up at the dwarf and smiled, realising that it was indeed her twenty fifth birthday. She heard him chuckle as he passed her the bottle.

"Oh, Varric," she cooed. "Is this it?"

He gave her a mock hurt look. Nas smirked at him before turning her eyes onto the bottle. Squinting in the faint light, she made out a foreign language.

"Antivan?"

The dwarf smiled proudly.

"The finest."

"Who'd you have to bump to get this?" she asked, pulling at the cork.

"Hey," he gave her a sharp look. "No one. I bribed him fair and square."

Nas smiled as the cork came out of the top with a loud pop. Holding it gently over her nose, a strong acrid smell burnt her nostrils. She pulled it away with her eyes half closed.

"Phew. That _old_..."

"As I said, the finest in Antivan brandy."

She looked up at Varric, a mischievous twinkle in her eye. He frowned, giving her a questioning look.

"How about I grab two glasses and we try out this extra special brandy?"

He smiled. "Hawke, you know you're not a very good drinker."

She laughed. "It's my birthday!"

Varric rolled his eyes. Nas smiled again and got to her feet. She walked into the kitchen, grabbed two small clear tumblers and headed back into the parlour. Setting the glasses and bottle onto the table, she lined the bottom of both with the brown liquid.

Varric took his tumbler and held it up. "Happy birthday, Hawke."

She tapped her tumbler against his. The sweet ping echoed around the room.

"Thank you, Varric."

A couple of hours later, the Antivan brandy bottle sat half empty on the table. Nas was lying on the sofa and Varric was still in his seat. He had put Bianca lovingly atop his jacket on the floor.

Nas laughed out loud, so hard that her ribs ached.

"And the damn elf turned around saying, 'What? Isn't that what you wanted?'"

A new wave of laughter rippled through her, making her wince and smile at the same time. She waved her arm towards him heavily.

"Stop it! You're going to shatter my ribs again!"

Varric laughed openly, the sound making Nas giggle again. They laughed for a few minutes, mostly at each other, but Nas guessed that it had something to do with the brandy. It had been strong stuff, making her head swim after the second tumbler.

Nas gave her last giggle before she sighed contently, looking up at the ceiling.

She felt a yawn come over her as she realised it must have been quite late. Her groggy mind tried to think of something worth thinking about, but she couldn't grasp any kind of idea. In the silence, her mind wondered to a single image. An image that made her insides mushy and her face flush in anger.

"Hawke, you alright?"

She lolled her head to the left, seeing the blurry outline of Varric in his chair.

"Hm? What do you mean?"

"It's just lately you've seemed... preoccupied. Is there anything you wanna talk about?"

She smiled at his serious face, her giggles threatening to come back. He mirrored her expression, his own drunkenness marring his vision.

"Varric," she sighed. "When have you ever known me to not be alright?"

He smiled, but his face turned thoughtful again. He turned his warm eyes onto the tumbler in his hand, letting the firelight play off its crystal surface.

Nas couldn't keep her focus for long, but she saw the concern in his drawn brow. She cocked her head, wandering why he suddenly looked so sad.

"Varric?"

"You looked so bad, Hawke. When Isabella came running into the Hanged Man shouting for help, I... I just knew it was bad."

Nas frowned. She had never heard Varric talk like this. So serious. So emotional.

She pulled herself up slowly, sitting back on her rump. She faced Varric, but she saw he was still studying his glass. She frowned, not knowing what to say.

"And when we got there... Maker, it was a mess. The dragon corpse lying on the ground with its chest hanging open... Fenris, covered in so much blood. And Anders leaning over you. I've never seen him in such a state. I thought for sure you were dead, Hawke. You were so pale and your lips were so blue..."

She felt the shock in her system as she heard him sniff. Through the cloud of alcohol, Nas felt her mana flare. She knew that she had been in a bad state, but it never crossed her mind how her friends felt. Maker, did it shock Varric so much? Did they really care that much?

He coughed and looked up, but his smile couldn't hide the sheen of moisture in his eyes.

"Varric, I..."

She couldn't think. She put her tumbler down in frustration. What did he want her to say? Sorry? What could she say?

"It doesn't matter though, you're alive and so is the elf. Let's drink to that!"

He reached for the bottle, popping the cork and pouring more brandy into their glasses. As Nas reached for hers, she studied the dwarf. His eyes never met hers but she saw by the flush in his cheeks that he was holding back his emotions.

She opened her mouth, but the words didn't come. She was never the one that dealt with emotional problems. She didn't have the patience or the skill for it. Did he want a hug and a backrub to feel better? Or did he now just want to sit in silence, change the subject and forget it was never said?

He looked at her, his casual smile back on his face.

"I tell ya though, Hawke. I've never seen Isabella so worried. Apparently, the Rivaini has some emotions bottled up there."

He laughed quietly as Nas smiled.

She leant forward with her glass in both hands. Looking down, she tried to think straight. She rolled the glass slowly between her fingers, wondering what she should do.

Looking up, she saw his caring eyes watching her. His face was a picture of trust and concern. It was an expression she had never given in to. It was a face she certainly wasn't used to. She had never felt the need to be 'emotional', to talk anything out. Her problems were her own.

Perhaps it was the brandy, or maybe the way he looked at her questioningly, but she felt the walls within her starting to quiver. She never wanted anyone to have anything to use against her. But looking up, she realised that she was a stupid fool. She had had wonderful friends for the most difficult times in her life, and she had never given them their due. She had never shared herself like they had done to her. She had never even given them a second thought after she had been injured.

She was a selfish bitch.

"I..."

Varric kept his eyes on her patiently as if he knew what she was trying to do.

Nas studied her hands, the image of them covered in blood flickering in and out of her vision.

"So much blood... There was so much blood, Varric. I... I've never seen so much..."

A warm hand covered hers. She looked up, ashamed and embarrassed as she felt the moisture building up in her eyes. She sniffed and smiled, shaking her head.

"I just... I couldn't let him die. I led them there, I told them it was safe... I nearly got them killed Varric, and for what? Coin?"

"Everyone knows the price they could pay, Hawke –"

"Do they? Really? Because when Fenris was coughing up his own blood, it certainly didn't look like it."

She slammed her drink onto the table. Clenching her hands tight, she closed her eyes, willing the tears to go away.

"Hawke..."

"Don't. It doesn't matter."

"Nasara-"

She snapped her head up. Varric's expression was a mixture of concern and sympathy. She felt herself searching his wildly for a sign of pity. Maker, she hated pity. It was the only look she ever got after...

Varric held her stare, never flinching away. Never backing down.

Something inside her broke and she felt the dam open. The wave of every emotion she had ever felt flooded through her. The pain, the shame, the hate, the lust, the fear. Especially the fear.

"Hey..." he cooed, gently wiping a tear from her cheek.

She didn't look up – couldn't look up. She couldn't face it; the reflection of her weakness in his eyes.

"It's too much, Varric. I've done too much... I've failed so many times. I couldn't save my father. I couldn't save Bethany... I couldn't stop Carver; I couldn't comfort my mother... Damn, I can't even face Fenris. What good am I if I can't save them? What _good_ is a broken mage?"

She looked up then, catching his eyes. He stared at her and she waiting for the pity and patronisation to come. Her magic came to her, wrapping itself around her wrists and chest, warming her, comforting her.

"Hawke, you are so much more than you think. People love you, they follow you, they look up to you. You have no idea how powerful you are. Not just your magic, but your essence. Your presence. You bring people together, hell; you braved the Deep Roads and got us out alive. If it wasn't for you, we would be nothing but gnawed on bones. You inspire the people around you. Why do you think that they followed you onto that plain? They trust you; they respect you, and no one blames you for what happened that day. You nearly gave your life trying to save the elf and we all know you'd do it for any of us, just as we would for you. You're our leader, our companion and our friend."

Nas felt her lip starting to quiver. She forced her mouth shut, forcing back the emotions. But it was too late.

A small sob escaped her lips.

Varric put a comforting hand on her shoulder. She placed her own atop of his and looked up.

"Thank you, Varric... my friend."

Waking the next morning, the first thing that hit her was the foul taste in her mouth. She didn't dare move her head because she knew as soon as she did it would hit her. She turned her head slightly and saw Varric opposite her on the chair. His head was lying awkwardly on his shoulder and his right arm was hanging over the arm rest.

She smiled to herself before turning on her side.

_Maker._

She didn't know if she should be happy or worried.

After her blubber, they had gotten to talking about their lives before. Varric talked about his brother and his family for a while before it was her turn to talk. She had told him everything.

It had been hard at first. She didn't know where to start, but once she did, it came out as easily as tears.

She realised that she had needed to talk about it. She needed someone else to know. And now they did, she didn't know how to feel. Would be wake up and treat her like some fragile doll? Or would he simply give her that pitiful look that made her want to smash things?

A sound to her left caught her attention.

Bodahn stood at the door looking over them. She gave him a small wave making him smile. He gave her a knowing nod whilst mouthing _tea._

_Maker, bless him._

It took her until the smell of freshly cooked bacon before she moved. Varric seemed to be stirred by the smell of breakfast too, opening his eyes and stretching.

She watched him nervously, wandering what he was going to do.

He yawned and then noticed her anxious look. He frowned, oblivious to her scrutiny.

"What?"

Nas carried on eyeing him, wondering what he was going to do. He stared back at her with one eyebrow raised. Suddenly, he seemed to remember.

"Hawke, what you told me is never going to leave this room."

"Maybe not, but you're not going to treat me like glass are you?"

He chuckled. "Don't bullshit a bullshitter, Hawke. I know damn well you're not made of glass. You proved that by killing a bloody dragon. Now, can we eat? I smell sausages."

Relief washed over her, making her smile.

She gestured towards the kitchen, following the dwarf while gently rubbing her forehead. Maker, it hurt.

Varric had left not long after breakfast. He gave her a pat on the back and wished her a happy birthday whilst shoving another sausage in his mouth.

Bodahn had made her a strong tea, and he also gave his own birthday wishes. She smiled politely whilst starting up the stairs. She had intended to go back to bed, but she saw steam coming from her bathroom.

Walking inside, the room came alive with the sweet smell of honey. She saw a full steaming bath, with the honey butter oil poured lovingly into the water. She had felt her insides go mushy before she closed the door with her foot, yanked off her clothes and melted into the water.

The oil made her skin soft while it gently nursed her headache. She leaned back with her eyes closed, running the tip of her fingers gently across the water's surface. The soft sound of the water being pushed and cut made her shoulders relax. Nas rarely felt relaxed, and she never seemed t find the time to enjoy a bath. There was always some urgent matter, some important message or –

"Messere? The young Merrill is downstairs. She says you were taking her to the Hightown markets?"

Nas let her arm drop into the water, sending droplets splashing into her face. She sighed whilst trying to find the will to move.

"Messere?"

"I'll be down in a few minutes. Thanks Bodahn."

Walking slowly down the stairs, Nas smiled at the small creature standing by the door. She was studying an Antivan vase that was given to Nas's mother by some friend or another. Nas watched as Merrill reached out with curious fingers, brushing the smooth porcelain with her fingers.

Nas smiled as the elf touched a flower, but misjudged her actions, causing the whole thing to topple backwards.

Merrill lunged for it, grabbing it before it hit the ground.

"Merrill?"

The poor girl jumped so high that the vase was sent crashing to the ground.

Nas winced as the vase shattered loudly. Merrill stood completely still with her hands still curled as if holding the vase. She opened one eye to see if Nas had gone into a rage.

Nas chuckled and shook her head. "Merrill," she sighed.

"I... I'll fix it!"

Nas watched as Merrill got to her knees and started scraping up the tiny fragments. She shook her head and bent down, helping the mage to her feet. Merrill smiled sweetly whilst holding tiny pieces of porcelain.

"What's up, Merrill?"

Nas led the girl into the other room as Bodahn came walking from the kitchen, holding a broom.

"Well, remember how you said the other week that if you were feeling better then you'd take me around the Hightown market to look for a new scarf? I tried it myself the other day and I was chased out by a dog..."

Merrill turned to face her. Nas opened her mouth, wandering how she was going to tell Merrill that she was too tired. The tattoos on her face moved as her eyes expanded, going impossibly big while glittering emerald.

Nas's mouth snapped shut.

She sighed. "Alright, but don't steal anything!"

Merrill's face broke into a smile as Nas turned towards the door. She grabbed her staff that was leaning against the coat rack. She swiftly fastened her thin cloak around her should and sheathed the staff in the holder on the back.

Merrill bounced in front of her, knocking a picture from the wall as she did so.

She was exhausted.

Merrill had dragged her around the Hightown market for hours, pouring over all the luxurious materials and trinkets.

She had wanted a scarf but had come back with an armful of different things. Quills, parchment, jewellery, fine clothes, books in other languages and even a hair clip with a blue feather on it. But no scarf.

Nas had sighed, relieving the elf from some of her burdens.

By the time they had sat down on a bench with freshly baked sweetrolls, Nas felt her chest burning. She ached everywhere, especially behind the eyes, and she wanted to sleep.

As much as she adored Merrill and all her childish curiosities, she was starting to get twitchy.

"Oh, after this, we should go to Lowtown. Apparently they have new robes-"

"Merrill, I – what? New robes? Armoured robes?"

Merrill smirked knowingly. Nas felt herself chuckle before taking a bite of her raspberry filled sweetroll.

She dragged her feet as she closed the last few steps to her front door. The day had only just ended, the pink light of the horizon still lined the sky, but Maker she was exhausted. Merrill had so much energy that she felt as if she could throttle her.

It was always, _What's this? Why do they do that? Shouldn't they just marry each other instead? Isn't that what your kind does?_

She turned the handle whilst trying awkwardly to hold her packages under her arm. They did indeed have new armoured robes in the back alleys of Lowtown, and some of them were irresistible. She had emptied her coin purse, however, which concerned her.

She was usually extremely sensible with her money, but she did love her robes.

Pushing the door open, she pulled herself and her burdens inside. The hall was dark, which surprised her. Bodahn would usually have lit the sconces by now.

"Bodahn? Mother?" she called, walking into the entrance hall.

She turned her head towards the parlour but the room was dark as well. She sighed, too tired to even care.

Nas dumped her packages on a small table in the corner before walking down the hall. She was about to head into the kitchen when something caught her eye. The door to the room that they usually entertained guests in was slightly ajar. Nas looked forward, seeing a soft glow coming from the inside.

She sighed. _Mother, you and your social life._

She brushed her hair down, trying to tame the spiked mess. Breathing deeply, she pushed the door open and stepped inside.

Nas felt herself frown as she looked around the empty room. The hearth danced merrily, but the huge room held nothing but couches and armchairs. Taking a step forward, she squinted her eyes. She was sure she saw something flickering in the corner.

She could definitely see something... a light perhaps, coming from behind the sofa.

Suddenly, it jumped out.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!"

Nas's heart bounced up and down as face upon face jumped out from behind sofa's, corners, chairs and doors. She felt her mana soaring through her, awaiting her command from the ambush.

Nas took a deep breath as her mother walked around to her. She gave her a hug before Nas was pulled into the mass of people who were clapping, cheering and shouting at her.

She saw Bodahn and Sandal walking into the room followed by other people she didn't recognise. They carried platters filled with food, multiple bottles of wine, whiskey, brandy ale and other unidentifiable beverages. On another platter were stacks of glasses, plates and cutlery. They were laid on a table that Nas realised had been put there for that exact reason.

She smiled and turned, giving everyone a mock glare.

Standing in front of her were her mother, Isabella, Anders, Varric, Merrill, Aveline and Donnic, Sebastian, Gamlen and a few faces that she didn't recognise. She guessed her mother had invited possible 'suitors'.

Nas laughed as a glass was put into her hand. Somewhere at the back, loud music began to play and she saw three men playing instruments. The tune was merry and lively, making the people cheer. She took a deep drink from her glass before she was pulled into the fray of music, noise, and alcohol.

Only Varric noticed how her face had faltered when she didn't see the elf.

Nas spent the better part of the night dancing and drinking. After the first few, people had lost their self consciousness and even her mother had been twirled around by Varric. Sandal and Bodahn had joined in after much persuasion.

And Maker, Sandal could _dance._

She felt herself starting to wobble as she was led by the hand. She stood next to Isabella with a drink in her hand as the band swung into another song. The fiddle played rapidly with high notes, making Nas smile. She knew this song.

Isabella started clapping, making the mass of people cheer. After a few seconds, they were clapping and stomping their feet to the beat of the song. Isabella turned to Nas, who shook her head before laughing loudly.

"Oh come on!" shouted Isabella, moving her hips to every beat.

Nas laughed.

"_A pirate's life is one of many_

_Where the men are drunk and the women are easy._

_Sleep all day, and drink all night,_

_Sink the ship in song and might!"_

The mass cheered and shouted as Nas finished the first verse. She laughed and turned to Isabella who was starting the next verse.

"_Raise the flag and draw the sword,_

_Sing out men, for treasure and war!_

_In gold we live, in gold we stay,_

_Drink all night and sleep all day!"_

Nas clapped along with her friends, listening to Isabella's rough voice chant the vulgar song. Nas joined in at every chorus, and after a few, so did her friends.

The night disappeared in a whirl of alcohol and laughter. Nas had never felt so important, so cared for. She had been given presents later on in the night when the noble from the house next door had called the guard. Aveline had sent them away, but the band had had to stop. A few of the guests had left, but her friends stayed.

Nas pulled away the soft ribbon, exposing a beautiful shining dagger. Its blade was curved and it was no longer than her forearm, but a swirling pattern danced along its edge, making it come alive. It came inside a holder, but she was surprised to see a belt attached to it.

"It goes around your calf, sweet thing. Here." Isabella took it off her.

Nas squealed as Isabella grabbed the edge of her skirts. Pulling them up brought a cheer from her drunken friends. Nas waved a hand at them as Isabella revealed Nas' pale and bruised calf. Giving her a wink, the pirate attached the dagger quickly, but not before brushing her skin with the edge of her nail.

Nas shook her head and thanked Isabella.

She had been given a new pair of leather wrists supports from Aveline and Donnic. From Anders she had been given a surprisingly beautiful jade hair pin. The top was in the shape of a rose. She had smiled, making his yellow aura go bright pink. Varric had produced another bottle of brandy which they had divided between the group. Her mother had bought her a beautiful tailor-made ball gown. It was deep red with silver patterns along the skirts and trim. Sebastian had given her a gold chain with an amulet on the end. Carved intricately inside it was Andraste's holy symbol.

Merrill's gift made her smile and shake her head at the same time. It was a deep blue scarf with patterns of birds sewn into it.

They sat in a circle, drinking wine and talking. Nas felt her head swimming and the exhaustion was tugging at her. Aveline sat with Donnic, leaning against him peacefully. Looking up at them, Nas couldn't shake the melancholy feeling.

_Maybe I had expected Fenris to come after all..._

As her eyes fluttered, she felt a soft hand on her shoulder. Her mother looked at her with understanding eyes. Nas smiled and turned to the group.

She didn't have to speak as their eyes turned to her. She sat for a moment, watching them. The way they watched her... their eyes so full of... respect? Admiration?

Love?

She shook her head before she let her emotions come pouring back. It had been... and interesting couple of weeks.

Getting shakily to her feet, she felt hands pat her as she went by. She gently touched Aveline's hand and playfully pulled a strand of Merrill's hair. They all said their good night's before turning to Varric who had started on a story.

Nas hated the way the world span as she walked. Only falling over once, she managed to make it to her bedroom without serious injury. As she closed the door, she roughly rubbed the back of her hair, making it stand on end.

Breathing in sleepily, she grabbed the hem of her skirts and pulled them up and over, intending on nothing more than falling asleep in her bed.

_This is idiotic. She will kill me._

Fenris clenched and unclenched his fists. He was torn. Ever since seeing her lying so peacefully in his bed, he had wanted nothing more than to bring her back to it. Not just physically, but he almost _enjoyed_ seeing her there. No matter how much she riled him.

And now here he stood, on the balcony outside her bedroom, crouching in the shadows like some kind of assassin. He hadn't wanted to join the party that Aveline had been planning for days. He wasn't good with... crowds.

And so, he had decided to wait for her here, in the quiet of the shadows. But now it seemed foolish. He was being foolish. If she found him here waiting for her, she was as likely to turn him into a fish as he was to kiss her. _Bah!_

He paced the small balcony, wandering if he really should be here.

And then he heard it. The slam of a closing door.

He spun on his heel and stealthily walked to the open curtains. Pulling one aside slowly, he saw her figure in the firelight. He watched as she yawned and ruffled the back of her hair. It stuck out in all directions like a wild hedgehog.

He looked down. _Bah! What am I doing? She doesn't want you here, Fenris. _

He turned to walk away when he felt his lyrium come to life. Ever since touching the mage's magic, it had started to become... uneasy. Every time he thought of her, it would flare into life and he would have a yearning so strong in the pit of his stomach that he had had to get up and pace his mansion.

Breathing deep, he turned again, facing the curtains. He gently took the edge of the curtain, ready to pull it aside, when another sound rang through the silence.

"Mm, waiting for me I see?"

Fenris looked through the gap. The sight before him made his skin glow eerily. The whore.

"Hello, Isabella. Can I help you?" asked Hawke suggestively.

He watched as the pirate walked forward with her hips swaying. He saw Hawke draped in a crimson robe as Isabella grabbed her hips, pulling her closer. He saw Isabella leaning in, but he couldn't take it.

Pulling himself away, he felt his jaw tighten. He closed his eyes, trying to gather his raging thoughts. He swung himself over the balcony railings, landing soundlessly on his feet. Looking back up into the slit of light behind the curtains, he couldn't stop his heart feeling heavy.

_Foolish..._

Nas turned her head sharply. She had heard something. A thump of some kind.

Isabella's warm hands gently grabbed her hips, and Nas felt her uncontrolled body fall into the pirate's embrace. Her soft lips touched Nas's neck, making her shiver.

A sudden wave of impenetrable anger soared through her, making her stomach turn.

She frowned and pulled away from Isabella.

"Something wrong, sweet thing?"

Nas frowned again, touching her forehead with her hand.

_If I could only think..._

"I'm... I'm fine, Isabella. Just tired... I think I may have to pass tonight though, my bruises are still sore. Maybe another time?"

Isabella gave her a lustful smile. "Anytime, sweet thing."

She ran her nail down Nas's arm before turning. As she left, Nas smiled to see how her sultry hips swayed. She gave Nas one last heated look before opening the door and leaving the room.

Nas let out a breath, but she still couldn't shake the feeling. She knew it wasn't her own, it was too alien. But it was coming from somebody, somewhere. Walking forward, she slowly pulled back the curtains the sheltered the room from the chilled night.

She stepped onto the balcony and looked out into the empty darkness of Hightown. She stared for a few minutes, not really knowing what she was looking for. Her mana stirred in her chest. Nas gently rubbed it, calming herself.

Sighing, she walked back inside.

_Goodnight Hawke._

Fenris turned and faced the dark alley before him. Walking quickly, he wanted nothing more than to put a distance between that mage and his uncontrollably conflicting self.


	6. Chapter 6

Nas yawned loudly, gaining a glare from her mother.

She smiled sweetly and turned back to the quest at hand.

She sat on a very, very hard wooden chair, which actually made her arse rather sore. Sitting in front of her was Raphael Yvianni, an Antivan noble now living in Kirkwall. His black hair was brushed back with so much oil that it reflected light onto her face. He had a very greasy face and his nose stuck out so prudently that she swore she could have balanced a cup on it.

_Seriously._

His mother sat to his left. She was a very plump woman and her dress was bright scarlet. There were so many feathers pinned into her hair that Nas had tried to spot a bird somewhere in there. She had the same dominant nose and it was all Nas could do not to stare.

"We would never have left if it wasn't for the assassination attempt on my husband, Horatio."

Nas's mother nodded politely, bringing her fragile tea cup up to her lips. Nas giggled under her breath. She had never seen her mother socialise with nobles, but the way she sat so straight-backed and talked with such a pronounced accent made Nas want to laugh out loud.

After much persuasion, Nas had agreed to accompany her mother to the Yvianni household where they would have tea and discuss some such bullshit. She now wished she had taken Isabella's invitation to visit the dock for new seamen.

Nas stifled a giggle.

She felt the sharp tip of her mother's boot on her shins. She raised her cup to her lips and smiled into the rim.

"And what of you, Leandra dear? Where is Lord Amell?"

Nas felt her jaw tighten. She was all for polite conversation, but walking of the dead. Especially her father, made her skin crawl. She saw her mother's expression went blank and Lady Yvianni's face dropped.

"He, he died. Seven years ago now, in Lothering. It was our home before the Blight, back in Ferelden."

Lady Yvianni nodded respectfully, her face saddened.

"I am sorry, Lady Amell, Lady Nasaraelia. I did not know."

Her mother smiled. "Don't be sorry. We had a good life together, and I'm happy now."

Lady Yvianni and Raphael smiled politely. Nas rolled her shoulders, uncomfortable and just a little pissed. Bringing up her father brought up memories of Bethany, and she couldn't face those brown eyes. Not yet.

She got to her feet.

"Excuse me. Lady Yvianni. Messere Raphael."

Her mother didn't give her any angry looks as she said goodbye.

She found her own way out of the Yvianni household and into the clamour of Hightown. She wondered down the main streets, lost within her own mind. Nas didn't hear anyone calling her name until she felt a string hand grab her arm.

She looked up whilst calming her mana. "Hey, Anders. What's up?"

The healer smiled at her, but she saw he was uncomfortable being in such a crowded place. He wore common clothing, but his eyes darted around wildly. She nodded and headed south, towards her estate. As they walked, they had to pass Fenris' mansion. She studied the door as they did so, and she saw Anders' aura turn emerald before going a deep, angry red. She smiled to herself, wondering what kind of argument they had had this time.

Opening the door, she gestured for Anders to go in first. He did so without so much a backward glance.

Bodahn greeted them warmly and Nas asked for drinks in the parlour. She walked straight through, dumping her cloak on the back of an armchair. She sat on the sofa heavily, tucking her legs underneath her. Anders took a seat opposite her, watching her curiously.

She frowned at him as Bodahn came in with a bottle of freshly opened wine and two glasses. Nas poured half a glass each and handed one to Anders before taking her own. She leaned back and took a sip of the fruit wine.

She curiously looked over at the label before putting her glass back on the table.

_Fucking Agriggio. _

"So what's up?"

Anders watched her, an almost timid look on his face.

"Well, I've been thinking about this for a while now. I try to forget it, but try as I might... I just can't. I don't know how to feel about it or how to handle it... and I need you to put my mind at rest."

She frowned. "What are you talking about Anders?"

His aura shimmered bright orange. She watched him, wandering what she had done to inspire this kind of reaction.

"Before you were hurt, before we were ambushed... you... well, _we_ kissed. Just before we went to the Bone Pit..."

She felt her stomach turn.

_Ah, had hoped he forgot about that one._

"Anders I –"

"If you tell me it was just a spur of the moment thing, I can't accept that. I felt you against me, I felt the heat. Your mana flared up just as bright as mine."

Maker, she wasn't in the mood for this.

"Anders, look... I like you, I do. And you were right, I did want you then. But that was after a furious fight. I was out of my mind like I always get after a good fight... I... You're a treasured friend, Anders. I don't want to lose you because of a mistake-"

"Mistake? Is that what I am? Or is because I'm not dripping in lyrium with a brooding expression?"

"Anders, that had nothing-"

"No? Then look me in the eye and tell me you care for me – more than that rabid dog."

Her jaw tightened. She felt her mana stir in her chest and it took all her newly formed strength to hold back a fireball.

"I don't have to tell you anything! How dare you come here, into my home, demanding answers. Look, I'm sorry if you thought that me kissing you was some kind of proposal, but you were just there at the right time."

She saw his face drop and she instantly wished she could take the words back.

They had all been getting on so well...

_Ah, Maker let me take it back. _

But it was too late. Hurt spread over his face like wildfire. His warm amber eyes went big and glassy before he looked down and nodded.

"Right. I get it. Right place at the right time. Fine."

He got to his feet at the same time as Nas. He turned and started forward.

She reached towards him. "Anders-"

"Don't touch me." His eyes burnt bright blue and his skin opened to reveal cracks of smoking blue light.

Nas dropped her arms and silently readied herself in case Justice wanted a fight. But instead, it disappeared. His golden eyes gave her one last sad look before turning. He walked quickly from the mansion, his hands clenched into balls.

As the door slammed closed, she sighed.

_Fucking great, Nas. Just fucking great._

She grabbed the bottle of Agriggio from the table and slammed it to her lips. Raising it high, she drank from it deeply. Lowering it, she stared at the label. Her mana burnt crimson in her palm. Letting out a frustrated cry, she launched the bottle against the wall.

As it shattered into a thousand pieces, a sense of de ja vu came over her. She wrapped her arms over her stomach, trying to shake the bottomless feeling in the pit of her stomach.

She shook her head, grabbed her cloak, and stormed from her mansion.

Walking into the Hanged Man, she was glad to see it only had a handful of patrons in it. Walking towards the stairway that led to the accommodation section of the tavern. She walked down the narrow corridor until she came to the door at the end.

Rapping on it three times, she waited for Varric's call...

Which didn't come.

She banged again, but after another few minutes of silence, she realised he wasn't there. Taking another sweep of the tavern, she saw Isabella wasn't there either.

She leant on the bar and ordered herself a large ale. It tasted like watered-down piss, but it was a drink all the same. She grimaced as she swallowed another mouthful. Turning around, she rested her tail bone on the rough edge of the bar. For the first time in a while, she didn't particularly want to be alone.

There was a small group of dirt smeared men watching her in the corner. One of them whistled and raised his eyebrows suggestively. She gave him a disgusted look before turning around. The only people she saw were either with someone else or sleeping on the table. She sighed.

As she was about to leave, a patron got to his feet, revealing another table in the corner. Sat alone was a man nursing a mug of ale. His hair was sandy blonde and it spiked up uncontrollably. He wore a blue and gold tunic, but it looked like he hadn't washed it in a while. She couldn't see his face properly, but she saw a line of stubble up his chin and down his neck.

_What the hell. _

Picking up her mug, she started over to him.

Standing in front of the table, she waited a few seconds before he realised she was there. He looked up with a confused expression. He had a strong jaw and under the stubble, she saw he was a lot younger than he first appeared.

"Want some company?" she asked.

Before he could answer, she sat opposite him. He raised an eyebrow at her before watching her as she got comfy.

"Um, hello then, I guess."

She smiled and held out an arm. He watched her suspiciously for a moment before slowly reaching out and taking her hand. She shook it quickly, surprised to feel his hands were calloused and used to holding a blade.

"Nas."

"Alistair."

She nodded. "Nice to meet you Alistair. What brings you to this shithole then? Don't tell me it's the whiskey."

He smiled and looked down into his mug. She watched him curiously as his expression went from bad to worse. She saw such a haunted look on his face that she was almost glad she came over to him. He seemed just as lonely as she.

"It's, uh... a long story."

She smiled. "Don't worry, Alistair. You don't have to tell me shit, make it up if you want. I just wanted someone to talk to. That OK?"

He looked back up at her, searching her face. When he realised she was serious, he seemed to almost relax a bit.

"OK."

They sat in silence for a few minutes, taking small sips of their drinks. He turned around and looked at her. Nas raised her eyebrow questioningly.

"You know you're the first person here to talk to me without asking or money."

She laughed. "Well, it's probably because I'm not a Marcher."

"Oh?"

"Nope, I'm not."

She watched as he eyed her, obviously wondering where she was from.

"Ferelden?" he asked in a high tone.

"Does that bother you?" she asked, adding a wisp of debate into her voice, preparing to defend herself.

"What? No! Not at all! I'm from Ferelden."

She looked him over before realising his boyish curiosity wasn't a rouse. She smiled.

"No shit. Where abouts are you from?"

"Redcliffe."

"Shit, I lived there for a while. Nice, but the Tower didn't half scare me."

"Yeah, and I've been inside it. It's even worse,_ especially _when I was there."

"Oh really?" he has spiked her curiosity. "Pray, do tell."

He smiled at her whilst shaking his head. "You wouldn't believe me."

Nas gave him a smart look. "Mate, I've killed a dragon. Trust me, nothing you tell me could be worse than that."

Alistair laughed into his mug. He eyed her for a second before realising she was serious. He smiled at her, and replied to her challenge.

"Alright then, but you've got to buy the next round."

She raised her arm, beckoning a serving girl over. "You're on."

Nas laughed so loudly she got a glare from the other patrons. She rolled herself backwards and the forwards, slapping Alistair's arm. He laughed along with her stupidly.

"Seriously! Zevran was so pissed that he laced the dwarf's blade with an itching serum. Maker, he had me and Lou in stitches..." He trailed off, looking back into his blade.

"Here's to Louisa Cousland and Anders. Fuck 'em both!"

She raised her glass, waving it slightly as she swayed. Alistair chuckled and rapped his mug against hers, sending watery ale over their hands. They fell into another spout of foolish laughter. She raised her mug sluggishly to her lips, slurping it up unattractively.

Alistair shook his head. His cheeks had gone a bright pink after the first few shots of whiskey, but he had been able to hold his own.

"What?" she giggled.

He shook his head again. "You remind me of her."

Nas raised an eyebrow. "Louisa? Well, I can tell you one thing. I wouldn't exile you."

She saw the pain flicker over his face and she mentally kicked herself.

"Alistair, I-"

"It's alright, Nas. It's been so long now, I should be over it by now."

She gently put her hand on his shoulder, not knowing what else to do. He gave her a smile before bringing his drink back up to his lips. As she took another sip of her own, she felt a wave of pure rage slam into her.

Her eyes watered from the force and it took her a second to balance herself. She blinked a few times before looking up. The sight in front of her shocked her so badly that she nearly toppled backwards onto the floor.

Smoothing her face of all surprise, she smiled warmly.

"Fenris! Come and meet Alistair!" she put her arms around Alistair's shoulder, pulling him closer. He giggled at her as they both wobbled dangerously.

The elf continued to glare daggers.

She frowned at him, seeing his aura going a deep blood red.

"What's wrong with you?"

"You're drunk," he said shortly.

Nas looked at Alistair and they both burst out into fits of giggles. She saw Fenris' markings start to get a bit brighter, and she felt his anger bubbling.

"Come and have a drink. Stop being so moody," she said, bringing the mug to her lips.

Before she could take a sip, however, the mug was wrenched from her hands. Fenris slammed it onto the table and grabbed the top of her arm, hard.

"Ow, you're hurting me," she said as she was pulled roughly to her feet.

"Hey, buddy, there's no need for that," started Alistair, getting to his feet.

Fenris turned on him, his markings blazing brightly. She frowned as she saw Alistair stand straighter. She half expected him to cower.

"Back off, human."

"Or _what_?" hissed Alistair.

They stepped closer towards each other. Nas ripped her arm from Fenris' iron grasp and pushed herself in between them. She shoved Fenris by the chest, knocking him backwards.

"What is _wrong_ with you?"

Fenris gave her a murderous glare before looking back at Alistair. She saw a vein in his neck pulsing as he gritted his teeth.

Without a word, he turned and stormed from the tavern. All eyes turned to Nas. She shook her head and turned around, her hand on her throbbing arm. Alistair came closer to her.

"You OK? Who was _that_ twit?"

She sighed and looked up at him. "_That_... was Fenris."

Alistair looked back at the door with a surprised look. "Seriously."

Nas grabbed her cloak that was under the bench.

"Yep. Seriously."

Alistair watched as she threw the cloak over her shoulders. He then realised what she was doing.

"You're going after him?"

She stopped and worried her bottom lip. "Yep."

He watched her for a moment as she watched him. A small smile crept onto his face. He chuckled lightly before patting her shoulder.

"Then I wish you luck, Nas Hawke."

She put her hand atop of his. "And you, Alistair."

Nas pulled her hood up and walked towards the door without looking back.

She ran as quickly as she could. The alcohol in her system had disappeared as soon as Fenris had walked into the tavern. She was still stumped why he was angry at her. If anything, she should be angry at him. He hadn't come to her birthday party and then he had avoided her like poison. She had thought he simply didn't want to be friends anymore, but she realised it wasn't true. They never had been friends. But he liked being around her, that much she could tell.

Turning a corner, she saw a blue light turn a corner at the end. She ran forward, hoping to catch him before he disappeared.

"Fenris-"

The dark alley lay bare before her, with no signs of her glowing elf.

Nas felt her mana spark into life at her emotions. It circled her hands, awaiting her command.

"Fenris, don't be such a coward!" she shouted into the darkness. She didn't care if it was late. She didn't care if she woke someone up. He couldn't have gotten far and she knew he had heard her.

Her magic slowly spread up her arms, covering her in a warm embrace.

She waited in the cover of night, wandering if he would show himself. She couldn't hear any footsteps, but she could feel his presence... somewhere.

"I know you're here. Why don't you show yourself, huh? Aren't you supposed to be some kind of warrior? Fearless? Does one little mage frighten the big bad elf? Eh?"

Rage radiated through her, partly his, partly her own.

She had had enough of his games. He would face her now, or she would turn her back on him. She was too fed up and too emotional to handle anymore.

"Come on, Fenris!" she cried. "Come and face me."

There was a delicate thump behind her. She saw the blue glow reflecting on the walls and his hatred pooled around him making the hairs on the back of her neck stand on edge.

She turned slowly, painfully slowly.

All that greeted her was a pair of blazing green eyes illuminated by burning lyrium. Her own snarl matched his.

"And here I stand."

She snorted. "Makes a change."

His eyes turned into slits and she saw the strain in his muscles. _Good_, she thought. _Get angry. This has been coming for a while. I finally get to kick your ignorant ass._

"Why did you call me?"

"Why did you come?"

She saw him flex his hands and she wandered how much longer he could stand still. She knew he wanted to run her through, just as much as she wanted to send him up in flames.

"You... you are..."

"What?" she quipped. "What Fenris? What am I, hmm? An abomination? A threat to all humanity?"

She raised her hand up to his face, her mana dancing in the palm of her hand. She saw him flinch.

Nas felt it coming, but she couldn't stop herself. She had never been this angry. She had never felt this cruel.

She laughed.

Fenris roared, reaching behind him in a flash. The silver blade glinted in the light as he pulled it forward. She had expected it, jumping back.

Sending her mana forward, it hit him like a brick wall. He slammed into the wall behind him, giving her time to grab the dagger from her calf. She held it in her right hand, setting it alight with her magic. In the other hand she held a bolt of lightning.

Fenris charged at her, a fierce warcry escaping his lips. She managed to turn quickly, raising her arms away from his deadly greatsword. With as much speed as she could manage, she brought her dagger down quickly. She felt it slice cleanly through a gap in his gauntlet.

She stopped dead. His lyrium exploded, blinding her.

Before she could do anything, something slammed into her side, shoving her against the concrete wall. She felt his weight against her, but she lashed out with her head. She felt it smack into his cheek, stunning him.

Using her momentum, she rolled her fist forward, expecting it to miss. Instead, it connected with him.

Before she could do anything else, something crashed into her legs, sending her onto the floor. All she could see was blue light as he pinned her down. She reached out blindly, feeling her nails come into contact with soft skin. Fenris recoiled enough for her to get her knees under him.

Using all her force, she managed to get out from under him. As soon as she got to her feet, however, something hard hit her chin, stunning her. Her head span as she was knocked back into the wall. Something cold and sharp was put against her bare neck, and she knew she had lost.

The light dimmed enough so she could see his face. Looking into his green eyes, she challenged him. He had his teeth bared, and she could see murder in his eyes.

"Go on," she hissed.

Fenris grabbed her shoulders and slammed her against the wall again, so hard she felt the foundation shake. She gasped, the force knocking the wind from her lungs. The metal was pressed harder against her neck.

As she looked at him, she felt her anger twist and turn. She had wanted to be this close to him for so long, but not like this. Not with a blade at her throat.

She felt her eyes fill with water, and she hated herself for it. He saw the tears and his eyes went wide. He slammed her against the wall again, but this time a little softer.

"No! Don't you dare! Fight me!" he shouted, pushing the blade against her skin harder.

She felt a small drop of blood fall silently down her neck. She blinked, sending another droplet down her skin.

"No!" he roared. "Stop it! Fight me!" his voice cracked on the last word.

Nas felt her breathing getting faster as she tried to stop the flow of emotions washing over her. He looked down as she saw his own eyes going glassy. The pressure on her neck was slowly released.

Before she could stop herself, she pushed herself against him.

Their lips connected before either of them could protest. She felt his lyrium ignite against her skin, making her mana respond. He hesitated before his body melted into his.

Fenris grabbed her arms again, shaving her once more against the wall. But this time, he pressed himself up against her. She sucked in a shocked breath before deepening their kiss. His hand grabbed her thigh, the metal of his gauntlets pinching her skin.

Nas grabbed the metal plate on the front of his armour and shoved him with all her might. They both crashed into the wall behind them and Fenris gave a grunt as Nas crushed herself against him.

Their kiss became frantic as their hands searched each other, desperate for the feel of skin. She felt him bite her lip, drawing blood. She pulled away and gave him a suggestive smirk. Before he had time to frown, she pulled herself away and ran out into the alley.

Running down the street, she could hear his frantic footsteps just behind her.

As she turned another corner leading into Hightown, Fenris crashed into her. They fell heavily on the floor, but they didn't think about the pain.

He locked their lips again with such force that Nas felt her head starting to swim. He sucked and nibble her lip until she felt it throbbing against him. Shiver upon shiver ran through her as she felt his weight on top of her. He gently rolled his hips, making her gasp and moan at his every movement.

As she felt the conscious thought go through her, Fenris sat up. She opened her eyes in time to feel him grab her hand. He yanked her roughly to her feet, but she didn't give him a chance to move. Jumping up, she wrapped her arms around his shoulders, her weight sending them into another wall. He wrapped his arms around her side, pulling her so closely. She could feel every inch of his warmth against her and she wanted nothing more than to feel his skin against hers.

He pulled his head backwards but she found other places to kiss. Her lips traced his smooth jawline, planting kiss after kiss. She revelled in the way he shivered under her, it made her feel powerful and wanted.

"_Nas..."_

It was her turn to shiver as his breathy voice touched her ear. Goose bump spread over her arms and the need to feel him grew almost unbearable.

She felt him reluctantly pull his head away, catching her attention.

"Hawke," he said, looking up.

Nas blurrily followed his stare and smiled as she saw her bedroom balcony just above them. She laughed and pulled away from him, the sudden lack of his warmth making her magic jump and roll unhappily. She grabbed the wall vine on the wall and pulled herself up without looking back, familiar with the route to the top.

As she pulled herself over the railing, she was started to turn to see if he had followed her.

His weight slammed against her, making her cry out but only until her mouth was engulfed in his. She giggled against his lips as she fumbled with the doors. They slid open in time for them to fall through.

Nas felt the rough carpet under her as she frantically grabbed his chest. She pulled at the armour, roaming it for any sign of release. She felt him rip his gauntlets from hands in time to slip his soft hands under the hem of her dress.

She gasped as his bare fingers dragged his nails slowly up her calf. The closer he got, the harder she tugged at his armour. As his finger touched her centre, her mana burst into light.

They were engulfed in bright yellow light as Nas grabbed his shoulders, flipping him over. As she straddled him, she searched his face and his bright aura for any signs of disgust but instead she saw it glowing a warm red. Smiling at him, she bent down and kissed him again.

She used her legs to keep him still as she gently grabbed each of his tiny buckles. She felt her aura start to push against his and as she undid the last buckle, she pulled the heavy armour from him, revealing his wonderfully hard body. She moaned as she fell forward, touching his skin with her glowing hands. She kissed his markings, feeling them glowing brightly under the influence of her mana.

She left a trail of kisses from his stomach up his muscles chest, loving the feeling of the moment their aura's finally merged.

Fenris arched his back, grabbing her bare hips. Slowly, he used his fingers to pull her dress up and over until it lay in a tangled mess along with his armour. He pushed himself up planting gently kisses on her breasts.

Nas sucked in a breath as he gently let his tongue slid over her erect nipple. Her shivered, in desperate need of him. All of him.

Fenris felt it too, rolling her onto her back. She felt him grab her underwear, yanking them down her legs, revealing her. She frantically pulled his greaves lose, living the way they bulged with the strain of his shaft.

Pushing them down as far as she could, she hooked her feet into them, pushing them down and off him effortlessly.

Fenris stopped, looking down at her. She cocked her head to the side, giving him a questioning look. He frantically searched her face for something. Nas smiled at him and reached up, gently putting her hands on either side of his face.

She saw a bruise starting under his right eye and the bandage was still wrapped carefully around his neck. But she didn't care. She knew he didn't care.

She pulled him down to her, putting his forehead against hers as he gently hooked his arms under hers.

Nas took a deep breath as he lowered himself down. She felt her leg run across his wonderfully soft skin. As he rolled his hips, she felt them become one. Letting out a moan, it was muffled by a soft kiss.

He started a slow rhythm, moving gently with her. Nas pulled his head down, forcing his lips to hers. As they moved, she kissed him deeply, loving the feel of his body against hers. Loving the feel of his soft tongue brushing her own.

As his moved faster, she felt the tingling starting to spread down her legs.

Never before had she been held so gently, so carefully. She gasped against his lips, making him smile. He took the opportunity to brush her neck with his nose. She shivered, wrapping her legs around his.

She felt him gently kiss the cut on her neck as a wave of guilt spread through him into her. She gasped, never before feeling an emotion so clearly. It was as if they had somehow become linked.

As she felt herself getting closer, her mana started to stir. She felt it running down her arms and legs. As it touched his lyrium, it started to glow again. Nas rolled her head back, letting him plant kiss upon kiss over her skin.

His movements increased as her moans started to get faster. She felt his arms tighten as she realised he was just as close as her.

Fenris pushed himself above her, using the position to prop his knees, allowing him to move faster, harder.

Her mana got brighter the quicker he moved and she felt the rippling waves of pleasure building and building. Her breathing became short gasps as he forced himself deeper and harder. She saw breathe in deep as she lay on the brink of oblivion.

She cried his name as he cried hers, sending them both over the edge and into the blinding light of indescribable pleasure. Her magic exploded over her, the purple light running down Fenris' lyrium as his own magic engulfed her.

Nas lay still until her mind started to become clearer, the last moments of her climax sinking into a warm mush. Every muscle in her body relaxed as Fenris lowered himself down. He put his forehead to hers and they lay in silence, letting them come back into themselves.

He pulled out of her gently and lightly kissed her lips. She smiled at him as he took her arms. Pulling her onto her knees, he dragged her gently over to the bed. They fell onto the covers, exhaustion tugging at them both. Nas pulled the blanket from underneath them and pulled herself closer to his warm body. She let the blanket fall over their entwined bodies.

He had his arm under her shoulders as she lay close to his face.

She watched him silently as he stared at her. She couldn't think of a single reason to say anything. Their silence was perfect.

She felt her hand tingle. Bringing it in front of her face, she saw a small ball of yellow light in the palm of her hand. Intrigued, she held it up in fascination. Fenris gently reached out and Nas watched in amazement as he touched the small ball of light with his index finger.

The small hole in her chest suddenly jumped at his touch, rushing forward to him. it wrapped itself lovingly around his hand, igniting his lyrium. But the blue didn't flare brightly. Instead, it mingled with her own, encasing their hands in a dancing mixture of magic and power.

She looked up at him and smiled. He smiled back, gently covering her hand with his own. Sleepily, she felt him pull her hand to his chest, tucking it into him.

She blinked slowly. As he rubbed her shoulder with his other hand, she felt something warm drip onto her. Turning her head, she saw his arm bleeding, and then she remembered their fight.

"Hawke, don't-"

"Shush."

She turned onto her back and reached over to the crimson gown lying over the back of a chair. She grabbed the small length of silk that she used to tie it together. She shook it lose and then turned back to Fenris.

As gently as she could, she wrapped the small cut in the red silk, tying it around the bottom.

Nas planted a soft kiss on it before turning back to him. She curled her body up to him as far as she could, revelling in his warmth. As he ran his hand down her shoulder, she couldn't help but think of one thing. One thing that she would never admit to anyone, let alone Fenris.

She sighed._ I love you. _


	7. Chapter 7

Nas breathed in deeply as she felt herself leaving the Fade.

Reached across, she couldn't wait to curl up to that hard, toned body. But her hand felt nothing but cold sheets.

Her eyes snapped open.

Nas looked to her right, but her bed was empty. She sat up quickly, an unfamiliar feeling of panic spreading through her body. A shadow caught her attention, and Nas felt herself smile as she saw his white hair.

But then she saw he was wearing his armour. His aura was a deep, deep blue.

"Fenris?"

She saw his body tense at the sound of her voice, and small flecks of a warm red started to appear in his aura. She wanted to smile, but the way he his shoulders went limp – she kept her face blank. Nas moved herself over to the edge of the bed and studied his back as he watched the fire.

"Was it that bad?" she teased, hoping to lure him out of his silence.

Nas felt her stomach turn as he turned. His face was blank, but she saw it in his eyes.

_No._

"Fenris?" she whispered, not trusting herself to speak.

"I..."

But she felt it before he spoke. She felt the guilt and the shame in her body as if the emotions were her own. He was going to leave. He was leaving her. Hating herself for it, but unable to stop it, she pulled the veil over her heart. She withdrew from him, withdrew herself from his soul.

And she knew he felt it.

"Fenris, if you want to leave then leave," she said nonchalantly. "I never asked you to stay."

She felt his pain at her words, but she didn't know what else to do. He was breaking her heart, so she would break his.

"You... wish me to leave?"

She smiled at him sweetly, but it made her stomach turn.

"Sweetness, you have your boots on. Either you were going to buy me some flowers... or you were leaving. Either way, I wish you'd hurry up and decide. It's late and I want to sleep."

His emerald eyed bore into her own and she knew he was searching her face for any sign that she was lying. Nas raised an eyebrow, holding his gaze.

"Very well."

His face darkened and Nas felt her heart drop. She wanted to jump up and throw her arms around him, beg his forgiveness and ask him to stay... but she wouldn't. She couldn't.

Fenris gave her one last icy look before he turned on his heel. She watched him leave with a heavy heart and for the first time in eleven years, she doubted her decision.

It was nearly a month before she saw him again.

She had been in the Hanged Man when she felt him enter the room. He had told Varric where he had gone, but Varric refused to tell her. It had caused such an argument that he had reached for Bianca while she had called her mana. Luckily Aveline had been there to calm them down.

Anders hadn't left her side, and somewhere deep down, she was thankful for the support. Yet, she couldn't deny the reason he was near her. Every time he looked at her she saw his aura flicker and shimmer into a rainbow of colours. She saw his battle against the impossible blue of Justice, but she chose not to interfere. She would never admit it to anyone, but Justice... frightened her.

Nas brought her drink to her lips when she felt him.

It felt as if her very soul embraced his presence, as if she recognised him in a way that she couldn't understand. She felt his gaze on her, but she didn't look up. She carried on listening to Isabella as if she was the only thing in the world.

Fenris walked past them without catching their attention, heading straight up the stairs towards Varric's rooms.

"And then his arse was suddenly barrelling towards me faster than a – Hawke? You OK?"

Nas looked up. Merrill, Anders and Isabella were watching her with wide eyes. She raised an eyebrow.

"What?"

"You... you just lit up like a beacon," said Merrill.

She took a deep breath, hating the fact that his appearance had such an outward effect on her. She glanced around quickly but luckily the Hanged Man was empty.

Isabella gave her an 'I-know-theres-something-wrong-so-tell-me-now-or-I'll-cut-you-to-shreds look.' She sighed.

"Fenris just walked in."

Both girls turned their gaze around the empty tavern, making Nas smile.

"He's with Varric."

"How did you see? You've got your back turned."

Nas didn't answer the young elf, choosing rather to take a sip from her drink. She saw Anders' aura go from a content purple to a deep, angry red. It was flecked with vibrant greens and it pulsed heavily. She didn't look up at him or the girls.

But she felt him walk back into the room.

Varric was by his side as they approached the table. Isabella and Merrill stood and greeted him while Anders simply nodded. Nas felt Fenris' anger as he looked at her, but she also felt his happiness, his longing.

Maker she wanted to touch him.

"Nice of you to finally join us. Next time, a warning would be nice."

Nas gave him a stern look after her comment, rising to her feet. She walked around and sat by Anders on the bench, freeing up a seat for the elf.

As her companions sat back down and Varric ordered a round of drinks, Nas couldn't help but stare at him. She could feel Anders by her side. He was warm and he wanted her.

It was a nice change from Fenris' hatred.

She felt herself moving closer to the mage. His surprise mirrored that of her other companions, but no more so than Fenris'.

Nas looked up at him from under her lashes.

He was seething. His aura was a jet black and it throbbed dangerously.

"So... where've you been, Fenris?" asked Isabella. The pirate queen put her elbows on the table, resting her chin on her knuckles. The way she sat made her arms push against her breasts, pushing them tightly against her corset.

Nas felt her shoulders tense as Fenris' eyes darted towards the pirate and her bulging boobs. She felt her teeth clench.

Fenris' ear twitched slightly, as if he heard or felt something. His eyes darted to Nas' briefly before turning back to Isabella. She saw him lean forward, his eyes leering at her.

"I needed to be alone."

Isabella smiled suggestively. "Oh? But not anymore?"

"No. Not anymore."

Nas felt her mana flare in her chest and it took all her efforts to stop her hands from lighting up. She turned to Anders.

"Drink?"

He gave her a surprised look before smiling unsurely. "Sure."

She nodded quickly before getting sharply to her feet. She didn't look back as she headed towards the bar. Nas could feel Anders behind her, but she still didn't turn to him. as she leaned against the bar, she made sure that her back was directly opposite Fenris.

"Are you alright, Hawke? I felt a major mana surge there."

Nas nodded at the barmaid. "I'm fine."

"Are you sure, you see-"

"I said I'm_ fine_, Anders."

She saw his aura turn a hurtful yellow. She sighed and turned to him, gently putting her hand on his arm.

"I'm sorry, I –"

Anders put his warm hand on top of her own. It was a nice gesture. A simple gesture, but it made her feel slightly better.

She looked up at him and smiled, making him smile back.

She almost enjoyed the moment, if it wasn't for the wave of anger and jealousy that slammed into her.

Nas smiled again, but for a completely different reason. She took the two mugs from the bar and passed one to Anders. She gently clinked her mug against his.

"To a good night."

Nas laughed again and gently slapped his shoulders. Anders giggled and gently tugged a lock of her hair. A wave of lust ran through her, but it wasn't her own.

She snuck a glance at Fenris, and her blood boiled. Isabella was sat on his lap with her arm around his neck. They were facing Merrill and Varric who were deep in conversation.

The drinks had been flowing happily for the past few hours, but it was Nas and Anders that were winning the game. They had stayed by the bar for a while, challenging each other to shots of whiskey and brandy.

It was a struggle for Nas to see straight, but she couldn't help moving herself closer to Anders. She felt sad and alone. Seeing Fenris flirting so easily with Isabella hurt her more than she would admit to herself. She wanted to feel a lustful touch. She wanted to feel like she felt a month ago, lying in his arms.

Mentally slapping herself, Nas smiled at Anders. She moved closer to him so her body rubbed against his. She felt him shiver. It sent a wave of pleasure through her, but it was... wrong, somehow.

Nas felt his hand take the back of her neck, bringing her closer to him.

He smelt like dirt, sweat and mana. It was a mixture that made enticed her primal urges, a scent that made her consider him as a possible mate. But her mana didn't flare. It didn't react to him. it remained dormant in her aching chest.

She turned her head away as if wanting him to explore her neck. Instead she looked at Fenris, but it wasn't what she wanted to see.

Isabella straddled him on the chair. her arms were wrapped around his neck as she explored his mouth with her tongue.

An emptiness so vast opened in her heart that she couldn't breathe. She didn't think...

_Didn't think what? He left you, Nas. He didn't want you. He used you for one thing and once he was satisfied, he left. End. Of. Story. _

But she didn't really believe that, did she?

As his hand ran up Isabella's thigh, Nas felt her eyes well.

Yes. She did believe it.

She turned her head and faced Anders. Grabbing his cheeks with her hands she pulled him against her, connecting their lips. There was nothing but lust as she completely overwhelmed him. His kiss was desperate as she crushed him against her.

She needed to feel something – anything but the sadness.

His hand grabbed her hips, rubbing his fingers over her rump and thighs. She vaguely felt Fenris' emotions, but her primal instincts mixed with the alcohol had started to place a fog over her mind. She grabbed his hands and started to pull him towards the stairs leading to the bedrooms.

They passed their companions, but she ignored them.

Rushing into the closest room, Nas felt his weight against her back. He wrapped his arms possessively around her waist, pulling her into his aura. She breathed in deeply as he pushed her hair away, revealing the soft skin of her neck. She expected him to kiss her, but the sharp sting of his teeth made her jump. A shiver went through her.

She spun herself around and slammed him against the wall.

As he pulled her up onto his hips, Nas felt something inside her chest starting to expand, as if something were trying to work its way inside her.

The fog over her mind dimmed the sensation until all she could feel was the heat of Fenris' skin.

Fenris.

She opened her eyes, but there was no emeralds starting back. Instead she saw liquid gold, and her heart dropped.

Nas shook her head and attempted to pull herself away.

She was stopped by strong hands as she was lifted again. Her body was turned sharply and she gasped as she was slammed against a wall. She tried to ignore the wave of heat pass through her. Hands roamed her body, but they were wrong.

"Anders..."

He moaned against her neck and it took all her strength not to give in.

"Anders, please stop," she whispered.

But he didn't.

Nas moved her head away from him and she put her hands in front of her, pushing him away. He seemed to realise then, and he pulled away slightly in confusion. Nas shook her head and lowered her legs, feeling unsteady on her feet.

"I'm... I'm sorry, Anders, I... I have to..."

"Go? Why? Don't you want me?" He stepped closer to her, grabbing her hips and pulling her closer. She felt her eyes flutter closed.

"See... I can _feel_ you," he whispered. He gently rubbed his hand down her thigh.

Nas sucked in a breath as she felt the fog starting to settle back over her mind. Maker, she wanted to feel his body against hers, she needed the physical attention, but...

But she could feel Fenris' sadness, and it disturbed her in more ways that she dared to understand.

"Anders, stop it."

Nas pushed him away, harder than she intended. She knew she had no right to be angry at him, but she wouldn't rather be angry than have the helplessness overwhelm her.

Anders rounded on her, searching her face. He seemed to find his answer.

"_Him_. That lyrium imbued self-riotous mage hater? What can you possibly want with him? Can he touch your mana, can he knowingly walk into your aura, Nas? Well, can he?"

Anders stared into her eyes, boring his jealously into her soul. Nas held her head high, jutting her chin out defiantly.

"I don't need him to walk into my aura. I'll let him in myself."

She felt a tingle of fear in her stomach as a flash of blue went through Anders' eyes. She saw him clench his jaw; the veins in his neck were ticking.

"I know you want me, Nas. I can feel it."

He stepped closer. Nas stayed perfectly still as Anders ran his face slowly down the right side of her neck, breathing her in. He must have expected her to react, because when she didn't, she felt his aura shimmer dangerously.

"Anders. Enough."

Nas pushed herself forward to leave, but she was stopped. Anders held her arms tightly, trying not to wince. She saw his eyes fading from blue to gold, and she knew he was on the brink of control.

Before she could summon her mana, he leant forward and crushed her lips with his. Nas ripped her arms from his, and pushing hard, she managed to get a big enough distance between them to raise her hand. Bringing it forward as hard as she could, she felt it connect with his cheek. The slap echoed in the silence.

Nas felt her hand throbbing as Anders slowly turned his head back round. His eyes were luminous blue and his skin started to crack, revealing the power of Justice.

Her fear stopped her dead, but she would never have dodged the blow. Pain exploded across her mouth and jaw, making her head whip back. She felt her neck crack slightly as she landed heavily on the floor. Her head span as she lay awkwardly on the ground.

"Nas!"

She heard Anders fall onto his knees beside her and she felt his hand touch her face. The warm sensation of his healing magic started on her cheek, but she flailed her arms out wildly, slapping him away. She blinked her eyes repeatedly as her mouth and jaw throbbed. A hand touched her again, but this time she called her mana.

Holding a fireball in her palm, she raised it to her face.

"Touch me again and you become a human torch."

His hand backed off.

Nas kept the fireball in front of her as she unsteadily got to her feet. Bringing her free hand up to her face, she touched her swelling lip. She looked at her fingers and saw they were sparkling with crimson liquid. She shot a murderous look at Anders.

He stood still, an uncertain look on his face.

Before she could turn him into tiny little pieces of burning flesh, Nas turned on her heel and left the room. She felt her lip and chin swelling more and more each second, and she felt herself seething with every throb.

Walking back into the main tavern, Nas kept her eyes ahead as she walked past her companions. They looked up and no doubt they saw the blood, but she didn't give them a chance to respond.

Heading directly through the door, Nas found herself walking through the cool night towards Hightown.

Pushing the door to the mansion open, Nas pulled her cloak from around her neck. She threw it over the coat hander before heading forward towards her bedroom. As she passed the library, she saw the hearth dancing peacefully. Carrying on forward, Nas was about to start up the stairs when she saw something flicker against the library wall.

"Who's there? Bodahn?"

A figure stepped forward and for a moment, Nas felt her heart jump into her throat.

She sighed. "Gamlen? What are you doing here so late?"

"Nasara, have you seen your mother?"

Nas frowned tiredly.

"No, she's probably in her room-"

"She's not; I've been here for hours. She was supposed to come and meet me for our weekly chat but she never showed up. Your dwarf told me she hadn't been seen all day."

Nas stepped closer to him, seeing genuine worry on his face made her stomach dance.

"Did she say anything? Where she was going, maybe?"

Gamlen shook his head. "All the dwarf said was that she received some white lilies this morning and then she left early afternoon."

As if her world suddenly turned vertigo, Nas found her entire body stand still. Her heart bounced around wildly as she tried to understand what she had heard.

"White lilies?" Her voice was barely a whisper.

Gamlen's face went from pale to pure white as he saw her expression.

"What? What is it?"

Nas felt her body sway as she grabbed the railing. She snapped her head up and marched towards the front door to the mansion. She took her staff from against the wall before grabbing the handle.

"Nasara, what's wrong? What's happened to Leandra?"

Nas felt her bottom lip quiver as she turned. A deep, painful foreboding settled at the bottom of her stomach. As much as she liked to think her feelings were wrong, she knew they weren't.

"Something bad, uncle."

She pulled the handle down and yanked the door open, stepping into the now pouring darkness of the night.


	8. Chapter 8

Nas dropped the boy.

He landed heavily on his rump before skittering onto his feet. Like freed rabbit, the boy scampered away without as much as a backwards glance.

"Well... I uh, think you, um... I think you scared him shitless, actually."

Nas ignored the pirate and turned on her heel.

She had gone straight from her mansion back to the Hanged Man. Merrill, Isabella and Fenris had still been there. Apparently Anders had left not long after she did. When she had arrived, Fenris and Isabella were nowhere to be seen and Merrill was talking to an incredibly shifty looking man.

Nas managed to stop her before she accepted a drink from him. A drink that contained a hefty dose of sleeping potion.

"Where is everyone, Merrill?" asked Nas, sending the man away with a harsh glare.

"I don't know. Fen-"

Merrill stopped herself, realising what she was saying. Nas sighed.

"Merrill, I don't care if he's fucking a bloody Mabari right now, I need people at my back. My mother's gone missing. Merrill... she was giving white lilies."

The young elf's green eyes went wide before she got to her feet.

They found no trace of Varric, but as they were leaving, Isabella and Fenris showed up from the back rooms. Nas felt a rush of surprise and shame wash over her as Fenris noticed her. Isabella's aura was a content pink and she wore a happy smile on her face.

Nas bit her lip but winced as she caught the cut that Anders' punch had made.

She wanted to cry for more than one reason. Before any of them could speak, Nas made a forward motion for them to follow her. The four of them had followed her without question.

They had found a small beggar boy hiding in the shadows near Gamlen's house, and Nas had threatened him for information. She grabbed the front of his short and shook him forcefully. Out of fear, the boy revealed that he saw a woman helping an injured man.

"They were righ' over there. Look, ya can still see the blood!"

As he ran away Nas walked over to the puddle. She leant down and gently put the tip of her fingers into it. Bringing them to her face, she saw they were lined with crimson ooze.

"There's more here, Lethellan."

Nas looked up and saw Merrill squatting over another puddle just a few paces away. She saw Fenris ahead of Merrill, leaning over yet another dark puddle.

"It leads up further."

Nas ignored him as she walked ahead. She kept her eyes down as she scanned the streets for blood. The further she walked, the less blood they found.

The party followed Nas in silence for what felt like hours, until eventually, the trail stopped.

Nas tried to suppress the wave of panic starting in her chest. She felt her throat starting to close as she searched frantically for more blood, more traces of anything. Anything.

Please... of Maker please...

"Hawke. Look."

Nas reluctantly looked at Fenris before following his gaze. Ahead of them was the entrance to the same warehouse that they had found the remains of Ninette in. Nas felt her heart drop as the reality of the situation hit her. She breathed in deeply to try and control herself.

As they stepped closer, Nas saw marks on the floor. Scrapes and scratches that showed something of a struggle. She clenched her jaw as they walked up the few steps leading to the front door. She touched the handle but he door moved forward, revealing the darkness of the warehouse.

"Hawke-"

"Yes, I feel it too Merrill. There are powerful magics involved here. If you have anything better to do, I suggest you leave now," she spat.

She saw Fenris flinch and Isabella shift uneasily at her comment. Merrill gave her a sheepish look, and Nas almost felt sorry for the young elf. She didn't deserve Nas' resentment.

"Ready?" she asked, a little softer.

Merrill blinked a few times before nodding.

Nas didn't look at Isabella or Fenris as she turned and faced the door. She pulled her staff slowly from its holder before using the tip of her boot to kick the door open.

A large area stood empty before her with slopes up to the left and right. There was a door at the top of the left slope that Nas could see was slightly ajar. She walked into the room but stopped as she felt a pressure against her chest.

She could feel the powerful magic in the air, pulsing and growing. It had a coppery tinge to it, and Nas realised it was blood magic.

"Merrill?"

The bloodmage stepped forward. She looked around the dark room with her wide eyes.

"The Veil is-"

A sudden shriek filled the room with its piercing tones, making the party flinch. Bright light exploded in front of them while other areas of the room shimmered and shifted.

"Demons!" shouted Nas as she braced her legs.

Fire exploded around them, sending waves of heat through the warehouse. A deep roar accompanied the appearance of a burning rage demon. It stood high above them, consisting of melted red lava. The ground beneath it cracked and sizzled under the heat.

Nas called her mana as Fenris and Isabella charged forward. Ice pulsed and crackled in her palm. She sent it through her staff until she launched it forward.

The spell caught the rage demon on the arm, freezing it momentarily. Isabella took the advantage and used her wicked dangers to smash it into pieces. Nas called another as Merrill sent a boulder the size of a small child at it, knocking it backwards.

It let out a howling roar as it twisted and manipulated itself into another form. It rose high above Fenris, almost engulfing him in heat. Nas threw the ice ball at it, freezing some of its roots. Fenris swung his sword heavily, connecting with it.

The demon raised its arm and then flung the out, catching the elf heavily on the side. Nas felt her heart flutter as she saw him smash into a wall.

Pumping her mana as fast as she could, Nas sent spell after spell at the demon. She was too quick for its sluggish movements and within seconds she had it swamped. Isabella dealt blow after blow until Merrill sent another boulder, shattering the demon into a thousand pieces.

The silence that followed beat in her ears until Nas felt herself relax her stance. She walked quickly over to Fenris, kneeling down. His white hair covered his face as he lay motionless. She saw black marks in his armour where the demon had hit him. Nas let her face go blank as she gently raised her hand to his neck.

Putting two fingers just under his jaw line, she felt a strong beating against the tip. Relief washed over her, but she kept her face blank. He breathed in sharply and turned his head.

Two emerald eyes bore into her own.

Nas felt the familiar feelings growing in her stomach, and then she remembered. The shame. His guilt. He left her. He slept with Isabella. Out of spite.

As he reached up to touch her hand, she pulled away and got to her feet. She didn't offer him a hand as she started forward, heading towards the door. Merrill offered him a hand but he glared at her and got to his own feet.

Nas pushed the door open. There were small candles lining the walls and enough light to illuminate small crimson droplets on the floor. Nas kept her head down as she followed them around a corner. She looked up to see a half covered trapdoor in the corner. Its latch was smeared with blood.

"Here," she shouted, running forward.

Footsteps sounded behind her as Nas grabbed the latch. She wrenched it open and looked into its endless depths.

A feeling so hopeless and empty settled into her stomach that she felt tears come into her eyes. She didn't know what she would find in there, but she knew with every inch of her heart that it wasn't going to be good.

He breathed heavily as he wiped blood from his cheek. Turning to his left, he saw Hawke pulling the end of her staff from the neck of a dead shriek. Her dark blue robe was now splashed with black goo, as was her hair and face. They had been fighting through waves of abominations for what felt like hours. They had even come across some kind of shrine dedicated to a portrait of a woman that looked so very similar to Hawke' mother.

He felt a wave of sadness wash over him as he saw her looking around.

Ever since... that night, their joining, he had been feeling... odd. Every time he was near her he felt... something different. He had feelings that weren't his own make themselves known, and when he saw the way she looked at him, the sadness... he knew that they were hers.

He didn't look up as she passed him. Her anger towards him had only been intensified. And a part of him knew he deserved it, but the other stood up in protest. Why should she be angry with him? She had joined that... abomination in the back rooms, so he had taken his own company.

He sighed.

This was not like him. He was not... spiteful.

Or was he? Wasn't that exactly what he was being? What he was fighting for? Vengeance?

_No, I am fighting for my freedom. _

He watched her back. Her knuckled were white as she gripped her staff. She was uneasy, afraid. Yet she would never show it, she would never reveal it. But he saw it, not just from feeling her emotions but it was in her eyes, in her voice.

A warm hand touched his shoulder. He turned to see the pirate smiling at him lustfully and he felt himself shaking away his disgust. He felt only contempt towards her now. Through his drunken haze and his hate towards Hawke, he had done something he will always regret.

"Don't touch me," he snarled at her, shaking his shoulder away.

Isabella pouted playfully. "That's not what you said earlier."

He felt himself resist the urge to reach for his sword. Isabella sauntered in front of him, leaving him walking next to the filthy bloodmage. She watched him with her beady eyes; he could feel his skin prickling with her stare.

They walked for a while longer before he snapped his head round.

"What?"

"I don't approve," she said, her shrill accent playing on the bare walls.

"I didn't ask your approval," he returned, facing forward again.

"Well, I still think what you did was wrong."

He stopped and spun himself in front of her. She let out a small squeak as he faced her.

"How is what I did wrong when she did the same?"

Merrill gulped but she held her own.

"She didn't, Fenris. She didn't."

Fenris felt his body jolt in shock. Merrill pushed past him, leaving him in the darkness. The other three walked on ahead while he stayed still. He had felt her lust as she was with the abomination. She had felt her desire and when she left the room, she hadn't looked at him. She was angry, but he had thought...

He felt his eyes go wide.

_No._ She... she hadn't slept with him. He had thought she was angry at him, but... she wasn't. She was angry at Anders...

A loud gasp pulled him from his thoughts. Running forward, he almost smashed into Merrill as the four of them stood in shock. Standing at the end on the room was a middle ages man. He saw the magic around him, marking him a mage. A figure sat in a chair wearing some kind of white head piece.

The mage walked around the figure and stood in front of it. He looked up at Hawke and smiled.

"I was wandering when you would show up. Leandra was so_ sure_ you'd come for her."

He saw Hawke tense as she raised her chin.

"Where is she?" hissed Hawke, taking a step forward.

The elder mage smiled sadistically, chuckling as he walked around the figure. A horrible feeling settled in his stomach as the reality of the situation came into focus.

"You will never understand my purpose. Your mother was chosen because she was special, and now she is part of something... greater."

Hawke walked forward, a small white light swirling around her closed palms. The mage walked forward to meet her. They stood facing each other, merely ten paces away.

He saw her hands shake.

"Spare me the demented rambling. Where is she?" she demanded.

The mage chuckled. He turned his head towards the seated figure. Fenris reached for his blade as the mage raised his arm.

"She's here. She's waiting for you."

Nas stepped forward, but he saw she was watching the figure on the chair.

"I have done the impossible!" ranted the mage. "I have touched the face of the Maker and _lived_."

All eyes turned as the figure started to rise from the chair.

"Do you know what the strongest force in the universe it?"

A wave of hopelessness washed over him, and he wanted nothing more than to take her hand.

"Love."

The mage reached forward and touched the figure's back. he saw it was the back of a woman in a white dress and he ground his teeth as he realised...

"I pieced her together from memory. I found her eyes, her skin, her delicate fingers... And at last her face... oh this beautiful face."

He walked around and faced the figure, gently touching its chin.

"I searched far and wide to find you again, beloved, and no force on earth will part us."

The figure took a step forward, but its movements were unsteady and it seemed forced. As it turned and faced them, Fenris felt his stomach turn.

Hawke gasped audibly.

"_No!_"

Her mother stood in front of her. Nas felt the world spin as she saw the jagged red lines around her neck, over her wrists. Even her eyes weren't right, the sockets were red raw. Her face was pale and lifeless, but her body took slow steps forward.

A silent tear fell down her cheek.

The mage ducked and drew his staff, swinging it in an arc. Bright blue light exploded from his centre, sending a wave of magic through them. Nas breathed in deep, but she managed to stay on her feet. Groans and moans sounded all around them as the earth started to crack and open.

Skeleton bones reached from out from inside the earth, grabbing the dusty ground with their fingers. A wave of putrid air accompanied the armed skeletons as they dragged their skinless carcasses from the soil.

Commotion started all around her, but Nas couldn't bring herself to move. She just stared at her mother's walking corpse.

"Mother?" she whispered, but there was no hope. Too much noise. Too much commotion.

"_Hawke!" _

Nas turned in time to see a red light speeding towards her.

It hit her square in the chest, sending waves of agony through every vein. She felt herself being lifted into the air as the light pulsed and strengthened its hold on her. Her back arched as she threw her head back, trying to scream.

A searing pain slashed along her calf and she felt her blood seeping through the wound. The red light contracted and danced as she felt her blood being absorbed. The light grew darker as it licked at her wound. She felt herself growl.

_Fucking blood magic. _

The light whipped her skin again, this time along her back. The light continued to swell and feed from her. Nas closed her eyes while breathing heavily, trying to call her mana to her. It was in her chest, but the light was stopping her from calling it.

She opened her eyes as it cut her again across her right hip. She bit her lip, drawing even more blood. Squinting through the red haze, Nas saw movement in front and to the side of her. She saw flashes of light and vaguely heard shouts and cries.

He heart beat wildly as she fought for release, but another slash had her hanging her head. She felt cuts starting on her arms, down her back, over her chest. They weren't deep but she felt her blood being drained. Her muscles started to go slack as she felt her energy dimming.

A slash on her face made her jump.

_Enough!_

Using as much strength as she could, she sent her mana outwards. Small buzzes of purple light flecked into her red cage, but they sizzled and popped into nothingness.

She sighed and felt her head go limp.

Suddenly, she dropped.

Landing heavily on her side, Nas grunted as dust swirled up around her. She breathed in deeply but she coughed as the dust settled in her throat.

"Hawke!"

A figure skidded next to her. They rolled her onto her back, making her wince.

Looking up, she was relived and annoyed to see a pair of emerald eyes surrounded white strands of hair. His eyed darted over her and she felt his worry as he gently touched the slashes along her body. Nas frowned and rolled herself onto her front.

Looking up, she saw the mage lying on the floor, Fenris' greatsword jutting from its gut. She saw bodies of dead skeletons littering the ground. And then she saw her.

"Mamma!"

Nas heaved herself to her feet, feeling her head spinning as she did so.

Her mother's steps were slower, and as Nas limped over to her, her mother fell forward. Nas reached out, catching her mother. They landed heavily on the floor. Nas sat with her legs under her body as she cradled her mother's body in her lap.

"His magic was the only thing keeping her alive. I am so sorry, Lethellan."

Nas felt her eyes filling as she stared down at her mother.

There was a light in her eyes, a small white light, but it was beginning to dim.

"I knew you would come."

Nas gasped before she let out a sob. She lowered her head.

"I'll always come for you, mamma. Always."

"Shh, don't fret darling. That man would have kept me trapped here. But now... I'm free."

Nas felt her bottom lip start to quiver as her mother's eyes bore into her own. The light was flickering but it was growing dimmer with each breath her mother took. Nas felt herself pulling her mother closer, holding her tighter.

A cold hand reached up and touched her cheek. Nas sobbed again as she leant into her mother's hands.

"I get to see Bethany again... and your father. But you'll be here alone."

Nas let out a humourless laugh. It came out as a mixed sob. She looked down and saw her mother smiling gently at her, her face so full of love.

"I failed you, mamma. I should have watched you more closely, I should have..."

She bent her head in shame.

"My little girl has become so strong," whispered her mother. Nas felt another tear fall down her face as she looked over her mother. The light was barely visible.

"I love you, Nasara. You've always made me so proud."

Nas saw her mother's eyes fluttering.

"No," she said. She shifted herself, letting her hand touch her mother's face. "No! No, mamma..."

Her mother's head fell backwards as the last of the light faded. She felt her mother's life leave her, and it made her heart crack.

"NO! Mamma... mamma, please..." Nas lowered her forehead against her mother's leaning face to face.

"Mamma, it hurts..."

But this time, she didn't reply.

She sat facing the fire, letting the heat wash over her face.

The slashes on her body throbbed, and she could feel some of them still bleeding. She wouldn't let anyone of them touch her. Stupid, yes. But she didn't want anyone near her.

She heard footsteps behind her.

"Did you find her?"

Nas felt her shoulders slump.

"I'm sorry, Uncle. She's gone."

Gamlen walked around and took a chair by her side. She felt his pain as clear as she felt her own. He was looking over her cuts, the blood, and her blank expression.

"You were right about the flowers and everything. I... I can't believe she's gone."

Nas lowered her head.

"I was too late..."

Gamlen got to his feet. He faced her and she felt his anger flare.

"So you're to blame! If you'd been quicker or stronger, you could've... she could be..."

He let out a sob as he turned away from her. She watched as he crossed his arms and used one hand to cover his mouth.

"Why her? Why Leandra?"

Nas stood up hastily. She walked towards the hearth, crossing her own arms. She tried to warm the coldness in her chest.

"Mother's gone. Will knowing why ease the pain?"

Gamlen grunted. "No, it won't. It will always seem senseless, wont it? Where's the one who did this to her? Did you find the person who killed Leandra?"

An image of the mage skewered with Fenris' sword flashed through her mind.

Her face turned into a snarl. "Yes, and he won't be hurting anyone else."

"It won't bring Leandra back, but I'll take comfort knowing that."

Nas turned and saw Gamlen heading towards the door. He stopped in the doorway.

"Carver needs to be told. I'll go to the Gallows and see if I can reach him. Take care, my dear."

He left without turning around, and Nas watched as he disappeared into the dark mansion. Nas turned to sit back down when she felt one of her wounds pull.

Turning, she walked into the hallway. As she passed the kitchen, she saw Bodahn inside.

"Bodahn?"

He turned, his sad eyes looking at her. He had been there when she had walked through the door. He had brought her water and strong whiskey and had gently brushed her cheek.

"Messere?" he asked sadly.

"Bodahn, will you bring some hot water and some rags to my room, please? Oh, and a bottle of wine. One glass."

He nodded solemnly, turning back into the kitchen.

She made her way slowly upstairs, a sense of numbness coming over her. She couldn't feel the pain; she couldn't feel the sadness, the emptiness – nothing.

She walked into her well lit room, undoing the ties in her armour as she did so. She sat on the edge of the bed and started on her boots. As she pulled one off, Sandal's face appeared in the doorway. He popped his head around uncertainly.

"Come in, Sandal."

The boy walked forward carrying a bucket in one hand, a bottle of wine and a glass in the other. He set them down beside her and Nas watched as he took white rags from over his shoulder. Sandal walked over to her, his piercing blue eyes watching her knowingly.

"Sorry," he said. He reached forward and put one finger on her cheek. He brushed it down gently.

Nas thought all her tears had been shed, but alas, more materialized. A silent tear rolled down her cheek as Sandal gently brushed it away. The small gesture of comfort was enough to ease some of the pain ever so slightly.

"Thank you," she whispered.

Sandal smiled happily, seeming oblivious to the situation. He turned as quick as he had come, and left.

Nas stood up and started pulling on her robes. She walked over to the door, closed it quietly, and turned back to her bed. She undid her robes and let them fall onto the floor.

Standing in her underclothes, Nas knelt down in front of the bucket. She picked up the wine and pulled the cork out with her teeth. The sweet smell of it filled the air, and for a brief moment she let herself become engulfed in the sensation.

And then it was gone.

She sighed heavily and poured some dark liquid into the glass. She brought it to her lips and downed the entire glass in moments. The sweet mixture warmed her through, making her crave another.

She poured deeply and drank again, this time slower.

Dipping the rags into the steaming water, Nas started on her legs. She wiped away the crusted blood, revealing deep lashes in her pale skin.

As she worked her way up, she felt something stir behind her. Without turning, she felt the presence behind her knock on the door.

"Come in."

Nas kept her back to the door as the presence entered the room. She felt the surprise and the guilt wash over her. There was even a trickle of pleasure as the presence back away.

"It's alright Fenris. Nothing you've not seen before."

She felt the shame and embarrassment as he slowly walked into the room. Closing the door behind him, he started forward. Only when he stood directly behind her did she stop.

"I don't know what to say, but... I am here."

At the sound of his voice Nas felt her heart flutter. She felt the pain in her chest flare and she wanted nothing more than to touch him. she dipped the rag into the water again, swirled it around and the wrung it out.

The silence around them was deafening.

"Just say something, anything."

He seemed lost for words momentarily. She heard the hard thump of his metal boots as he started to pace.

"Guh... they say that death is only a journey. Does that help?"

Nas surprised herself by letting out a short breathless snort. She heard him stop. She continued to wipe the blood from her slashes.

"It just raises questions. Journey to where?"

He leant down next to her. She could feel his warmth next to her like a blanket, and she wanted nothing more than to wrap herself up in it. She needed him now more than ever, but she couldn't forget... she wouldn't forget.

He shrugged. "I don't know. It's just something people say. To be honest, I don't think there's much point in filling these moments with empty talk."

Nas nodded, agreeing completely.

She reached around to try and get the cut on her back, but it pulled the one on her stomach, making her wince.

"Here."

Fenris reached over to her, taking the rag from her hands. The gap in his gauntlets caught her, brushing her skin against his. Nas looked up into his eyes and was startled to see pain there.

_But pain for who?_

He looked down and shuffled behind her, starting gentle strokes along her back. She felt her eyes flutter closed as the rhythm of his strokes soothed her. She imagined that it would be Fenris that would calm her the most.

_Liar..._

Nas shook her thoughts away, allowing herself one moment of peace with the man she could never have.

She stayed inside getting drunk for a few days until Varric came and dragged her sorry ass into the sunshine. They went for a walk around Hightown. Every noble they passed offered their condolences but Nas just wanted to give them the finger.

They didn't know her mother, and she didn't know them. Sure, it was polite, but seriously, who gave a fuck about politeness? She sure as hell didn't.

Varric noticed her sour mood and had been trying his best to get her out of it. he was telling her some story or other, but her mind was on other things.

Well, the only thing she thought about that kept her mind away from her mother.

Fenris had only stayed an hour, and it was an hour spent in silence. But it was perfect. They had shared the wine, and the glass. He had cleaned the wounds on her back and then they had just sat. They didn't touch, didn't move. Just... stared.

It was somewhere in that look that Nas felt herself forgive him. She didn't want him back as much as he didn't want to come back, but they had forgiven each other, somehow.

Passing the Chantry, Nas felt herself look up. Her mother was to be buried in the Chantry gardens in the morning but Nas didn't know how to prepare. She had bought a black robe and veil, but she didn't know how to say goodbye.

_How do you say goodbye to the life that created you?_

"Nasara!"

Nas stopped and turned. Her eyebrows went up as she saw a dark haired man walking over to her. He wore the metal plate with the glowing sword in the middle. Even though it had been a while, seeing Carver in a templar plate made her flinch. Two other templars stood by his side. One blonde woman, the other a red haired man. They both looked young.

"Carver?"

She wasn't expecting a smile in greeting. She had learned never to expect it from him, but the absolute hatred emitting from him shocked her.

"You," he sneered. "You let mother die!"

His cheeks were flushed as he stood in front of her. Nas felt her own anger bubble up from out of nowhere. She faced him and felt herself go into a defensive stance.

"What?"

He stopped just feet away from her. She saw his hands flexing in anger.

"You let her die! You and your filthy blood magic," he spat.

Her mana roared into life around her hands, making the two other templars gasp.

"Blood magic? You know I'd never do blood magic, Carver."

"No? It wouldn't surprise me. You'd do anything for attention. It was always you they looked up to, always you they trusted in for guidance. And where did that lead them? Father, dead. Bethany, dead. And now our mother. Dead."

Nas felt her eyes narrow at him as her mana climbed up her arms. Varric drew Bianca next to her while the other templars drew their swords.

"How dare you, you ungrateful son of a bitch! I've done nothing but protect you, ever since you were little."

"Protect us? How can you say that while our family lie in graves? Ever since you took a few hits for Bethany when she was younger, you think the world owes you something. Well guess what? It doesn't!"

Nas let out a furious cry as she drew her staff. Swinging it as hard as she could, she aimed for his head.

Carver backed away just in time, drawing his sword from the holder. He raised it again to meet another crushing whack of Nas' staff. As she danced away, she felt her bloodrage starting to take over. Carver mirrored her anger, swinging for her.

He swung too heavy, sending himself forward. Nas took the advantage, sending her foot forward. She booted him in leg, sending him flying. She lunged forward, dropping her staff. Swinging her fist wildly, she felt a wave of pleasure as her fist crunched against his chin.

Blood sprayed over the ground as his nose gave a sickening crunch.

She backed away, breathing heavily. He lay on his hands and knees. She walked over to him, wiping sweat from her lip.

Bending down to him, she got as close to his ear as she dared.

"Take a few hits? I was beaten within inches of my life, raped twice and then stabbed."

Carver's head snapped up. His brown eyes looked into hers. But she was done with him.

"Think of that next time you 'take a few hits'."

Curling her mouth into an ugly snarl, Nas stood up straight and sent a furious kick into his stomach. Carver gasped as he was thrown onto his back, winded and bleeding.

She walked away with Varric just behind her.

"That was a bit harsh, Hawke."

She gritted her teeth and looked down at the dwarf.

"Maybe. But he deserved it."


	9. Chapter 9

If it wasn't hunting down mercenaries then it was hunting down stray fucking dragons or getting mixed up in templar crap.

And now, she was dealing with the bloody Qunari.

Nas rubbed her forehead as her party walked from the qunari compound. The two guards at the door watched her and she gave them a sweet smile.

"I can't believe we're after that kid again. Doesn't he have a nanny or something?"

Nas snorted as Isabella rejoined them. She had _conveniently_ had something else to do while they visited the Arishok. Nas had given the pirate queen a 'yeah right' look as she had scuttled off, but Nas believed everyone had the right to secrets.

It had been nearly three weeks since her mother's funeral. Her friends had kept her busy with one thing or another, and Carver had only turned up briefly for the funeral. She felt ashamed as she had seen his bruised face, but at the same time she had wanted to point and laugh.

She had promised her mother she would never hit her brother.

Nas looked down as another wave of guilt came over her. They made their way back to Hightown, up towards the Viscount's Keep. She had been sent a letter from the Viscount asking her to come to him immediately. She had done so, and he had proceeded to tell her that his son Seamus was missing – again.

Anders walked up closer to her. She didn't look at him, because in all honesty, she was still pissed he had punched her. He had apologised repeatedly but she liked to keep him on his toes. It was cruel, but she was in no mood to be nice. To anyone.

He walked by her in silence and she could see his awkwardness in the way his aura flickered and changed colours.

After a few more tense moments, she turned to him.

"Yes?"

He jumped, making her smile. Surprised at her reaction, Anders blinked a few times before smiling himself.

"I was wandering if you're busy later?"

Nas raised an eyebrow.

"Well, it depends how this meeting with Viscount goes and if he decides to cage us for not bringing his son back."

Anders watched her for a moment until he realised she was joking. He carried on watching her expectantly. Nas looked forward.

_OK, maybe it's time to forgive him._

"Why? What did you have in mind?"

His aura burst into a happy orange, making Nas squint. His face didn't betray his real feelings, but she knew he was dancing inside.

"Come to the clinic and I'll make something nice to eat, if you want."

Nas' face twisted in disgust. She saw his face drop and she almost felt bad. Almost.

"In the clinic? Mmm, 'antiseptic on your steak, Nas?' Why don't you come to the mansion? I'm sure you can cook something nicer in a less rat-infested kitchen."

Anders smiled.

Nas nodded at him and carried on forward, leading her group through the twists and turns of the bustling Kirkwall.

She yawned.

They had been with the Viscount for nearly two hours while he bitched and moaned. In the end it was decided that Nas and her friends were to go to the Chantry at night to meet with Seamus and his kidnappers.

They walked slowly through the quiet streets of Hightown. Varric, Anders and Fenris were at her back as she made her way forward.

Putting Fenris and Anders together wasn't her idea. Isabella had sauntered off somewhere as Varric showed up and Fenris just seemed to materialise out the shadows. Both their aura's glowed identical colours of black and green. It would have been funny is Fenris' emotions weren't inside her. Now she felt just as pissed as he did.

"Up ahead!"

There was a metallic click and whoosh as Varric fired an arrow. It made a sickening thud as it landed in the chest of a masked robber. A few more jumped from the shadows as the group pulled out their weapons. There was another whoosh by Nas as she threw a lightning bolt at a dark figure.

Fenris danced passed her, swinging his greatsword in an arc. Slicing the figure completely in two, Nas blinked a few times as she watched him move. He was quick but the way he wielded his weapon so accurately made her stand in awe.

The night was lit up as Anders turned the last two thieves into a sticky pile of melted ooze.

Nas grimaced before she brushed her hair away from her face. She caught the slash on her cheek and winced. Because of her stubbornness, some of her cuts had been infected. Anders had given her a bottle of... stuff to clean them with and they were getting better, but her face still looked like a blotchy dough ball.

Varric walked forward and started checking the bodies that were still intact while Nas brushed the blood droplets from her new robe.

She looked up and jumped as Fenris stood in front of her. She saw his aura glowing brightly, a deep, calming blue. She blinked at him, unsure of what to say. They hadn't really seen each other since the night of her mother's death.

He held his palm open.

Inside was a small silver locket. Nas reached up and touched her neck, but her hands came back empty. She took the locket from him with a grateful look. She didn't know what she would have done if she realised she had lost her mother's silver locket.

His face remained stony as he nodded at her and turned, but she felt a little wave of happiness go through him. She smiled to herself.

When they were ready, Nas led her party up the huge flight of stairs leading to the front of the Chantry. Anders and Varric reached it first, grabbing both of the huge doors and pulling them open.

The doors closed behind them, banging shut with a huge thump.

Nas felt an uneasy feeling in her stomach as they walked through the warm hallway. Symbols of holy Andraste hung from every wall until they walked into the main hall. Standing from floor to ceiling was a huge golden statue of Her Grace. She held her arms out, palm up. Her beautiful face was peaceful and serene as she offered her blessing to all who would hear it. Nas felt the sudden urge to get onto one knee.

Shaking it off, Nas carried on forward.

To her left and right, huge staircases winded up into the top levels. Standing proudly in the centre, just under the statue of Andraste, was a platform. Upon which was a grand lectern which contained an ancient looking tome of the Chant of Light.

Nas turned her eyes to another part of the Chantry, but something caught her attention. She looked back at the lectern and gasped.

"Shit!"

Without looking back, Nas ran forward. She took the stairs two at a time until she skidded to her knees by the unmoving body of young Seamus. Her companions followed and Anders got to his knees on the other side. She looked up at the mage, but touching the prince's cold hand, she knew he was dead. A purple bruise around his neck showed the cause of death.

Nas looked down before looking back up into the serene face of the Bride.

A murder in the Maker's House. Even _she_ knew it was wrong.

"Serah Hawke, look at what you have done."

Nas jumped to her feet. She called her mana to her silently as Sister Petrice walked forward. She stood at the base of the steps. Behind her stood a small mass of people, all scowling at Nas and her party.

"To pounce upon the viscount's son, a repent convert, in the chantry itself? A crime with no excuse. Your Qunari masters will finally answer."

Nas put her fingers on her forehead.

"You've been a headache, but to outright kill someone? That's new for you."

The mother's face twisted into a snarl.

"He deliberately denied the Maker! How many would follow if he went unpunished? And yet, even this sympathizer will inspire vengeance when his brutal murder is exposed."

Nas felt her mana flare.

"You won't get the Qunari ousted, you'll get a slaughter. On_ both_ sides!"

"To die untested would be the real crime. People need the opportunity to defend faith. Starting with you."

She heard Fenris unsheathe his sword behind her. The power of Anders' magic pulsed against her back. Nas watched as Petrice turned to her followers. It was only then she saw bows and swords on them.

"Earn your reward in this life and next! These heretics must die!"

The crowd gave out a vicious cry as they drew their weapons. Nas gasped and flung her magic forward, creating a shimmering purple barrier which stopped the rain of arrows.

As they reloaded, Nas dropped the barrier to let Varric fire a deadly shot from his beloved. Fenris took the chance to run and jump forward, landing heavily below the platform. Anders sent a huge fireball down towards the crowd, scattering them as they jumped for cover.

Nas saw Petrice do a nose dive into an open door off the side.

_Fucking coward._

Nas ran forward, pulling her staff from her back. She raised it in time to block a blow from a sword being swung by a lad no older than sixteen.

She lowered herself enough to avoid decapitation before swinging her staff in an arc. She felt the force through her hands as it connected with the boy. He dropped like a stone before she briefly reached down and touched his neck. His pulse pushed against her fingers and she saw no blood.

Standing up, she ran forward whilst calling her mana to her once again. She threw it in front of her and jumped as the woman fell to the floor, her body convulsing from the electrical currents soaring through her body. Nas slammed the bottom on her staff onto the ground, sending a wave of energy into a small cluster of people flanking Fenris.

There was a sharp cry and Nas turned to see an arrow jutting from Anders' shoulder. Nas threw her right arm up, sending a burst of light into the air. She watched Anders send a force spell forward, but it was weak. The man it was aimed at hardly stammered. As he raised his bow to fire again, the light in the air exploded, lighting up the Chantry. The light flew over to Anders and covered him as another arrow sped towards his head.

The light caught the arrow, sending it up in flames, leaving the mage inside unharmed.

As she turned to face more foes, she saw that only bodies littered the ground. Opening her palms, she called her suspended mana back to her. Anders appeared from behind the light, holding a hand over his shoulder. Nas walked over to him, stepping over the decapitated body of what appeared to be a man.

As she approached, she saw the pained look on his face. He held the arrow between his finger and his thumb. Blood oozed freely from his wound.

"Need some help?"

He looked up, his amber eyes piercing in contrast to his pale face.

"I'd appreciate it."

Nas reached forward to touch the arrow.

"Do you see, Your Grace? Traitors attacking the very core of the Chantry! They defile with every step!"

Nas turned to see Petrice walking down the left staircase, the Grand Cleric by her side. She turned to Anders and touched his shoulder before walking forward. Fenris and Varric took their places just behind her.

"There is death in every corner, young mother. It is as you predicted. All too well."

The Grand Cleric stepped forward, carefully making her way around the corpses. Nas held her chin up high as she gently put the bottom of the staff onto the ground.

Nas raised an eyebrow at Petrice.

"She's on to you, Petrice. Quick, lie harder."

The sister's face darkened.

"Don't you spout your Qunari filth. This is a hand of the Divine."

The Grand Cleric turned her head sharply.

"I have ears, Mother Petrice. Maker would have me use them. Serah Hawke, is it?"

Nas felt her anger bubble at the small smile on Petrice's face.

"Viscount Dumar's son is dead, killed here in your name."

"I'm sure my name wont like that. Petrice?"

Petrice's face turned into a snarl. She sent a vicious look at Nas, who mirrored it.

"Seamus Dumar was a Qunari convert! He came here to repent and was murdered!"

"Love or hate the qunari, a blind nug could see she took this too far," replied Nas, trying to keep her emotions in check.

"No price is too much when we speak of eternity!" shouted Petrice, her voice catching almost hysterically at the last note.

"Eternity is long enough that we need not rush to meet it," said the Grand Cleric calmly.

Petrice looked from Nas to the Cleric and back to Nas. She looked like a rabbit in a corner.

"They deny the Maker!" she screamed.

"And you diminish Him!" replied the Cleric forcefully. "Even as you claim His side. Andraste did not volunteer for the flame. Serah Hawke, you stand with the captain of the guard?"

Nas bowed her head.

The Grand Cleric turned back to the young mother.

"The young mother has erred in her judgement. A court will decide her fate. The Chantry respects the law, and so must she."

Petrice had enough decency to bow her head as the Cleric turned to face her.

"Grand Cleric?" she whimpered.

The Grand Cleric walked past her, heading up towards the stairs. Petrice spun on her heel and watched her, and Nas couldn't help but scowl at the foolish mother.

Nas watched as the mother turned slowly back around, looking at her feet. There was a sudden whoosh, and Nas jumped as she saw the mother jolt backward. An arrow protruded from her chest, and the mother looked down at it in shock.

Her mouth was agape as she looked up into Nas' eyes, but Nas knew it wasn't any of her party. She fell to her knees as Nas heard footsteps behind them.

Turning, she saw a gigantic qunari step from the shadows. He held a bow that was bigger than the length of Nas' body. She watched in fascinated horror as he strung his bow again, aiming it at the young mother. He released the arrow and it hit the mother with deadly position.

The mother's head flailed about heavily before her body slammed onto the hard ground, another red arrow jutting from her forehead.

Nas turned to look at the qunari, but he had sheathed his bow into its holder. He turned to her, his face covered in the strange grated masks.

"We protect those of the Qun. We do not abandon our own."

He turned before Nas could reply, walking towards the main doors of the Chantry.

"Please," sounded the strong voice of the Grand Cleric from the top of the stair case. "Send for Viscount Dumar."

Nas nodded once before the Grand Cleric disappeared from view.

She gritted her teeth as her hands became sticky with blood.

Anders's face got a shade paler as he dropped his head back onto the pillow.

"I'm trying," she growled, finding a tighter grip on the arrow.

"Well bloody try harder!" he snapped.

Nas gave him a sharp look. She tugged slightly at the arrow, making him moan. She then mentally slapped herself for being a bitch.

"Alright. Merrill, keep him warm enough and ready a lightning shock in case he passes out. Varric, I need you to try and hold him down."

"Do I need to be here?"

Nas looked at the brooding elf. She blew at a strand of hair over her eyes before giving him a sarcastic look.

"Yes, I thought you could hold his hand."

Fenris' face got darker. He stormed over to Varric and helped him hold down Anders. He pushed forcefully on the mage's arms, making Anders gasp.

"Just go you useless waste of space," said Anders, looking directly at Fenris.

"Useless?"

Without warning, Fenris suddenly reached over. He grabbed the shaft of the arrow and to Nas' horror, he pulled it out with enormous force, spraying blood over her face.

Anders made some kind of sound before his entire body went limp.

"What the hell is your fucking problem?" she shouted, wiping blood from her nose.

"I was being... useful."

_If I'm not mistaken, he was actually being sarcastic. Hmph, stupid blood elf._

"Just... move!"

She walked around and shooed him away, putting her hand over Anders' wound. Merrill watched her with wide eyes as she summoned her mana.

Her father had only taught her the basics of healing, but she knew enough to stop the bleeding. Putting her glowing hand over the wound, she let his skin absorb it. She felt Fenris' disgust as he watched her work. After a few minutes, she was _very_ irritated.

"If you don't like it, then leave Fenris. I've got no time for your petty disgust."

His anger slammed into her before he turned on his heel and stormed from the room. Nas didn't look back as the door to the clinic was forcefully shut.

She felt Merrill and Varric watching her as she kept feeding a steady stream of blue light into Anders' wound.

"What?" she demanded, making Merrill jump.

"I... uh..."

"You seem a little tense Hawke. See, your making poor Daisy blush."

Nas looked up and sighed. Merrill blinked a few times. She smiled.

"Sorry Merrill. That bloody stubborn elf just rustles my feathers."

The dwarf chuckled knowingly.

Nas ignored him and turned back to Anders. She jumped as she saw amber eyes watching her.

"Nice nap?"

His eyes fluttered as he smiled faintly. Nas let him doze as she continued to guide her mana inside his skin, pushing out any dirt or debris.

A sudden hand covered her own and she looked up. Looking into his gold eyes, she saw something there that she had never seen before. She felt herself becoming uncomfortable as he held her gaze.

"Nasara... there's blood... on your face."

Nas smirked. "Yeah, your blood."

"Ah..."

He reached up with his shaky hand and touched her cheek. She didn't know why, but she let him.

"But Maker your beautiful..."

His eyes fluttered again, and his hand dropped. She shook her head and turned back to his wound. She couldn't help herself from touching her cheek again, feeling his warmth still lingering there.

She rubbed her hand around the back of her neck. Her eyes were heavy and the night was getting cold as she walked quickly through the empty streets of Hightown.

Anders had woken up once again, but only because they had moved him from the clinic into the backrooms where he had made some kind of bed chamber. Merrill and Nas had made sure he was comfortable enough, and Varric volunteered to watch him until the morning.

Nas was heading back to her mansion for a few hours sleep until she took over from Varric at dawn. As she opened her door, she could hear noise somewhere inside. Walking forward, she saw Aveline and Isabella ready to trade blows.

"This is important. Don't interrupt with your selfish prattle."

Isabella scoffed. "Get off your high horse. I have problems too."

Aveline laughed humourlessly.

"What drink shall I order?' and 'who's the father?'"

Nas' eyes shot up.

"Oh you little..."

Isabella raised her hand.

"Enough!" Both eyes turned to Nas.

"Hawke – the Arishok is sheltering two fugitives who have 'converted' to the Qun. He must be convinced to release them. He's already feared because of Petrice. If people start to think he can ignore the law... I need your help so this doesn't get out of hand."

Isabella ran forward, roughly pushing the guard-captain aside.

"I'm going to die! There. Got your attention. Real problem."

Nas felt a pounding starting between her eyes. Somehow, she just knew she wasn't going to get any sleep tonight.


	10. Chapter 10

"That whore!"

Nas stood perfectly still. She felt her skin prickling as she tried to control the anger deep inside her chest. More than anything... she was hurt. Betrayed.

After everything that Nas had done for her.

She had promised to give Isabella the fucking relic, even though it would have started a war with the qunari. And still... she ran.

Nas crumpled the note in her hand, dropping on Wall-Eyed Sam's body.

Aveline raged behind her but Fenris stood motionless. The guard-captain cursed her with words that would make Andraste blush, and Nas couldn't help but agree with her. She turned around and saw Fenris watching nothing in particular.

She didn't so much as feel anger from him, more... disappointment.

Nas turned from him, hating the way she felt his feelings towards the pirate queen. She felt her face starting to go blotchy, but she shook it away. She would not cry in frustration.

"Hawke, we need to go to the qunari compound."

Nas turned to Aveline. Without a word, she nodded.

They took a quick route to the Hanged Man, where they found Varric. He took one look at their faces and grabbed Bianca.

Nas headed straight into the compound without so much a looking at the guards. She was too pissed and too upset to give a damn. Walking up to the Arishok's 'throne', Nas waited for him to face her. The guards behind her shuffled nervously. Aveline had insisted that they pick up a few guards along the way, just in case.

She had a horrible feeling 'just in case' was exactly what was going to happen.

Aveline stepped forward as the Arishok greeted them.

"Greetings Arishok," said the guard-captain politely. "We come regarding the elven fugitives that took refuge here."

"Irrelevant. I would speak to Hawke about the relic stolen from my grasp."

The Arishok turned his enormous frame towards Nas. She looked up at him in awe of his size.

"One of my former companions stole it," said Nas bitterly.

"Her part was clear," he said. "Your admission is welcome."

Aveline took another step forward, her face a mask of impatience.

"An issue for another time. We're here for the fugitives."

"The elves are now vidathari. They have chosen to submit to the Qun. They _will_ be protected."

"Have they truly converted? Or are they simply using you as a shield?" asked Nas.

"They have chosen, and so have I. You have not hidden the abuses of your zealots or the corruption of this city. You will understand why I must do this. Let us look at your... dangerous criminals."

Nas turned as she heard footsteps.

Two young elven boys stepped forward with two qunari to their backs.

"Speak vidathari," said the Arishok. "Who did you murder and why?"

One of the elven boys stepped forward and Nas couldn't help but feel sorry for him.

"A city guard forced himself of our sister. We reported him... well tried to, but they did nothing about it, no matter what we said. So my brothers and I paid him a visit."

A memory of blonde hair, the smell of sweat and the feeling of pain momentarily clouded her vision. She shook it off as the guard-captain spoke.

"That doesn't excuse murder."

An image of a burning house and screams filled her head. She remembered her father's face all too well... how he looked so angry, so... hateful.

Nas looked at Aveline. "Are these elves telling the truth?"

"There have been rumours. I will investigate, but they still took the law into their own hands."

"Sometimes that is necessary," replied the Arishok.

"Like you avenged the Viscount's son? It was not right then, and it's not right now."

Nas saw Aveline look at her. The guard-captain's deep eyes pleaded with her to understand, to agree. Nas knew how important it was to Aveline and she inwardly sighed. No matter how much she might disagree, Aveline was her friend. She had already lost one sister-in-arms tonight, and she'd be damned if she lost another.

"What these men did was wrong," said Nas, holding her chin up defiantly.

"Their actions were merely symptoms. Your society is the disease. They have chosen. The vidathari will submit to the Qun and find a path your way has denied them."

The Arishok walked forward, standing directly in front of Aveline. Nas felt her mana stir, but she held it just on the brink of control.

"You can't just decide that. You _must_ hand them over."

Nas felt her stomach doing back flips as the Arishok's face flickered with some kind of emotion. He held Aveline's glare for a few painful seconds before turning. He walked forward slowly before turning sharply back. He looked deep into Nas's eyes.

"Tell me, Hawke: what would you do, in my place?"

She sighed. "Arishok... things are bad here. It would ease things over if you just give them over to us. The Viscount will let you leave without any fuss and you can go home. We'll just forget about this whole mess. "

He frowned.

"I cannot leave without the relic, and I cannot stay and remain blind to this dysfunction. There is only one solution."

"Arishok, there is no need for-"

Aveline was silenced as the Arishok raised his hand. His lips turned into snarl as he spun on his heel. Nas called her mana silently to her as the Arishok looked up to one of the other qunari.

"Vinck kathas."

There was a quick sweeping sound and a thundering thump as a huge spear flew into their small unit. It hit one of Aveline's men in his chest, but they didn't have time to react. The qunari let out powerful cry as spears rained down on them.

Nas threw her mana forward, knocking an arrow from Aveline's path. The guard captain raised her sword, meeting the axe of a charging qunari. Nas pulled her staff free and span as another spear flew down on her. She swept it down, shattering it onto the floor. She called her mana up again once more, but something tugged on her arm.

"Not here! Too open," shouted Aveline through the noise.

Nas gave one cruel look to the Arishok before they turned and fled from the compound.

Nas tried to swallow the lump in her throat.

She was exhausted. Her mana was nearly spent; her muscles were aching to the point where she had to lean on her staff to keep herself steady and yet, here she stood.

The sun was just rising through the grand windows, sending shadows over the room. It felt as if everyone in the room were holding their breath. The head of the Viscount lay to her right, and Isabella stood at her left.

The bloody cow had come in at the last minute; all she needed was a noble steed. And all Nas could do was smile at her.

Nas looked up. "I accept."

There was a wave of audible gasps as everyone backed away. Nas gave her companions a nod and they reluctantly moved away. The Arishok took a few steps forward and they began to circle each other. She saw the worry and pain on their faces, but none more than Fenris.

Oh, that face... those eyes... than man.

_You hold my heart, Fenris. _

Understanding flickered over his face before Nas turned and faced the Arishok. He slowly pulled his great axe from his back.

She knew then, knew she was going to die. She hadn't the strength nor the will to bring him down. She had only limited mana, limited skill. They continued to circle again and Nas looked briefly at Isabella. The emotionless pirate queen's eyes were shining dangerously close to tears.

_But Maker I'm glad she's here..._

The Arishok let out a fierce warcry, showing Nas that she had stalled as long as possible. She raised her staff, calling the last of her mana into its sturdy frame. The Arishok lunged forward, swinging his axe heavily. She twirled away but she felt its sharp edge catch the hem of her robe, slicing it cleanly in half.

Nas repressed a shudder.

As he swung it again, Nas took the advantage and ran the end of her staff into his gut. It merely clanged against his hard armour and he gave her a very unimpressed look.

Nas narrowed her eyes. She called forth piece of her mana and sent it towards him. The Arishok back away and just avoided the small fireball. She was pleased, however, to see a few strands of his hair on fire. He let out a snarl before charging her.

He swung his axe with fury and control, hammering her backwards. Nas turned, ducked and blocked for what felt like hours until, finally, his axe connected with her staff heavily. It shattered in her hands, sending splinters onto the floor and into her hands. Her mana roared from the staff and back into her chest harder than a Dalish arrow.

She breathed deep and backed away. Her mana ran down her arms and Nas knew she had only one good spell left, if that. Opening her hands wide, she created a long bolt of lightning. Holding it in one hand, Nas stepped backwards, creating as much distance as she could.

Maker, if your there, now would really be the time to show your love.

As the Arishok charged towards her, Nas raised the bolt and threw it forward as hard as she could.

Her whole being cracked as the Arishok turned, sending the lightning into the wall behind. She closed her eyes as the Arishok's figure continued to charge.

Something crashed into her face, spraying blood from her mouth and dislodging some of her teeth. She felt her body whirling through the air until she landed in a crumbled heap on the floor.

The world seemed to dim as she lay on the cold ground, breathing heavily. So much of her face was destroyed that she was almost glad she was going to die.

Anger and fear and worry and love filled her chest, making her whimper.

"Please..." she breathed. "Please don't do this. Let me die..."

She knew they couldn't hear her. Heavy footsteps walked towards her. Nas grit her teeth and pushed on one of her arms. She managed to rock herself onto the other side. The Arishok stood above her, but she didn't look at him.

Looking through his legs, she saw her family. They stood together, side-by-side. Aveline by Isabella, Isabella by Merrill. Varric held the young elf's hand as he stood strongly by Anders. Fenris stood apart, but only slightly. They all watched her with deep eyes. Their auras were joined and they were all the same, deep, beautiful red.

The Arishok began speaking, but Nas didn't care. She watched Merrill; her eyes were big and glassy. The bloodmage suddenly moved her hand up in front of her. She sneakily pulled a small dagger from her robe. Nas frowned as Merrill curled her hand around the blade before pulling it down sharply.

Nas tired to shake her head, but she couldn't move.

As if Merrill spoke into her ear, her sweet voice ran through Nas's soul.

"Give me your strength," she said. Isabella looked at her sharply before gently taking the mage's bleeding hand. Aveline looked at Isabella before taking her hand.

Varric looked at the pirate queen, and if the request had been shouted, they understood.

He touched Anders' shoulder. Anders blinked once, sending a small tear down his cheek. He looked at Fenris, who surprisingly didn't scowl.

He simply stepped closer to Anders, putting his arm against his.

Nas saw the magic come to life, but clearly no one else did. It ran through all of them as bright as sunshine, and all their eyes went wide. The white light jumped from them into Merrill where it started to turn red. It pulsed as the Arishok stepped forward, blocking her view.

"Asath renar, ..."

With a deep inhale, the Arishok raised his axe above his head. The momentum sent it soaring down but it was then that the magic hit her. It was sent though the floor straight into her core. The overload made her gasp, but she instinctively sent a wall of protection around her.

The axe came down so hard onto the shield that it sent sparks of mana through the room. The force sent the axe cluttering to the ground, leaving him defenceless.

Nas stood up slowly, the mana encircling her body like she was possessed.

She saw every one of her companions glowing the same colour, but she was unsure if anyone else could see it. Nas felt as if she was something else, as if someone else was raising their hands. She sent a ball of energy at him. It hit him square in the chest and threw him into the wall.

Nas walked forward, but her feet weren't touching the ground. The mana swirled around her, through her hair and robes like smoke.

She raised her arms again, but this time she called upon a different power.

Letting the mana slip into the Veil, she tugged at the blanket covering the Fade. Pushing her mana through it, she felt a wave of pleasure as it ripped with a sickening sound. Pushing forward, she grabbed at the uncontrollable mana.

As her hands and arms were engulfed, she forced her mind to remain calm. Feeling her way through the Fade, Nas waited until she felt the perfect moment.

The Arishok let out another desperate cry, but she had him. Arms of burning fire erupted through the Veil next to the Arishok, startling him. Nas used her hands to grab and the fire arms obeyed, grabbing hold of the Arishok.

"We will return," spat the Arishok.

Nas snarled. "I doubt that."

She screamed as she used all of her mana and strength to pulled at the arms. The Arishok came apart like paper, tearing in two.

The room became silent as the Arishok dropped with a fleshy thud.

The mana around Nas completely disappeared, sending her crashing to the ground. Her companions ran forward to her, but she couldn't see them. She was awake, but her eyes were blind. All she could see was blackness and all she could feel was pain. Her body felt like an icicle and she knew she was going to die.

Something penetrated the darkness. It was a light of some kind.

There was something soft, something warm about it. Something familiar. It was tugging at her, but she didn't have the strength to follow it. It touched her face, but she batted it away. She was quite happy to die, and she would do without regret.

He felt something that he had never truly felt before. He had thought he had, but it was nothing like this. This was too real, too true.

Fear spread down his spine, leaving a cold trail of sweat.

Her face was bloody and bruised beyond recognition. The Arishok had hit her with the side of his axe and the bones had been shattered. After the Arishok was killed, the qunari had soon cleared. They had taken her back to her mansion, and in her bed she lay.

The mage leaned over her, covering her in salves and lights, but they didn't help her wake up. He leaned against the wall, watching.

After hours, Anders eventually turned to him.

The pirate sat on the floor with her back against the bed, the bloodmage lay curled up on an armchair. The guard-captain paced the room in silence and Varric sat quietly in the corner, rubbing some foul smelling lotion over his crossbow.

Fenris stood up from his position against the wall.

"Well?"

Anders' shoulder went stiff and he felt a certain pleasure at the effect he had on the mage. He turned to Fenris sharply.

"Her body's fine and it will heal. But her soul... I think its caught in the Fade. She had to tear the Veil to pull the Arishok apart and, I think... I think it took her back with it."

Fenris felt his markings brighten.

"Then go and bring her back," he snarled.

Anders got to his feet so quickly that Fenris didn't have time to react. He charged forward and stood face-to-face with him, challenging him. He saw circles under the mage's eyes, and for once he didn't want to run him through.

"I _can't_."

"Enough," said Aveline, walking between them.

Fenris grimaced and walked back to his place by the fire. He watched as Aveline paced a few more steps before turning back to Anders.

"Is there a way for Merrill to go into the Fade?"

Anders rubbed his mouth with his hand.

"We need more mages and a hell of a lot more lyrium."

Aveline looked down. "Maybe we can ask the Circle?"

"Yeah," scoffed Isabella. "Right, we'll just walk in there and say, 'Hi, can we have half a dozen barrels of lyrium and a few mages to bring an apostate back from the Fade? Oh pretty please with a cherry on top?' Because they're really going to buy that."

"She's the Champion of Kirkwall!" protested Merrill, getting to her feet.

"Yeah, but she's still an apostate Daisy. So are you, and him. They've kept quiet for now, but sealed lips only go so far."

Merrill looked down and seemed to be deep in thought.

Fenris watched the bloodmage for a moment. She seemed nervous as she looked up. She seemed to catch the attention of everyone there.

"I might be able to send someone in, but only for a while. I'll need... blood."

Everyone stood in stunned silence.

"Human blood?" asked Isabella.

Merrill shook her head. "No, a goat maybe – or a cow. That would be better."

Fenris watched as Anders rubbed his forehead with his hands. They all turned away and seemed to mull it over.

After a few minutes of silence, Aveline turned around.

"Anders, why can't you go into the Fade?"

"Because... of Justice. He'll... I just can't."

"Then I'll go in."

All eyes tuned to Fenris. He held their gaze until they turned away. He could see the anger on the mage's face but he didn't care. If he could bring Hawke back from the Fade, then he would die trying.

He watched as the bloodmage whispered words in an ancient language. As she prepared, he couldn't help but replay those last moments. The moment when Nasara had turned to him, just before the fight, and looked at him. It was a look so deep, so honest that he – he didn't believe it when he heard her voice.

It was strong and clear as if she was standing right by him.

_You have my heart, Fenris._ That was what she had said.

Or did he just imagine it?

No, it was too clear.

Merrill dipped her fingers into a large bowl filled with cows' blood. He watched in disgust as she started to drawn symbols around him.

Fenris sat in nothing but his trous on the cold hard floor of Nas' basement. The room was barely lit as he sat surrounded by candles. They flickered, sending shadows around the dark walls – but there was no wind. He felt himself shiver as the naked bloodmage continued to walk in circles around him. The floor was wet with the blood, and Merrill was covered in the strange symbols. She looked powerful and intimidating as she stopped in front of him.

"Lie down, Fenris."

He grit his teeth and looked into her eyes. She blinked once in understanding.

_Of all the tasks before me, I willing chose to be involved in bloodmagic. What are you doing, Fenris?_

An image of her beautiful face came into his mind. She was lying in his arms, warm and caring. She looked deep into his eyes before smiling.

Fenris took a deep breath and lay himself down flatly. He stared up at the black ceiling as Merrill continued her just audible chanting. He tensed as something cold touched his stomach. He looked down briefly to see her gently painting his chest in the same strange symbols.

He swallowed back the lump in his throat and lay back down. Closing his eyes, he waited patiently for her to finish.

After what felt like hours, a cold finger touched his cheek.

He gasped and opened his eyes. Merrill's face was pale and her black hair stuck up in all directions.

"I'm ready. Find her Fenris, but don't let anything else fool you. The Fade and its demons will tease and test you until they break you. Stay strong. Find Nasara."

Fenris nodded once before closing his eyes again.

_He breathed in deep as his head span. Leaning his back against the wall, he tried to steady himself. The sight before him seemed to shimmer as the edges of his vision became blurry. Putting his thumb and forefinger over the crook of his nose, he tried to steady himself._

_There was a sudden whimper behind him. _

_Fenris turned. He blinked as if he had only just woken up. He looked around him and saw he was stood in a narrow alleyway of some kind. There was a distant crescendo of a city somewhere to the east. He frowned and listened, trying to figure out where the sound had come from._

_Laughter suddenly echoed through the silence as two men turned the corner just ahead of him. Fenris reached behind him for his blade, but all he felt was bare skin._

_The two men didn't look up as they carried on forward. Fenris stood tall but it was clear that they couldn't see him. They were wearing the grey armour of templars but their scarlet robes were dusty a creased. One looked up._

_He had bright blonde hair and Fenris frowned as he saw three scratch marks down his right cheek. The blonde turned to the other, a brown haired man, and laughed._

_The brown haired man narrowed his gaze as he brought his hand up to his lip._

"_Blood magelings...You got her though, right?"_

_The blonde one nodded. "Yeah, she won't be telling any tales."_

_Both of the men burst into laughter again as they walked blindly past Fenris. For some reason, Fenris felt a dark feeling creep into the pit of his stomach. He watched as they rounded another corner and disappeared out of sight. _

_There was a sound from around the corner the men had emerged from. He stood still and listened._

_As another little gasp sounded through, Fenris started forward at a jog. He rounded the corner and the sight in front of him made him gasp. _

_He stood in a small circular space at the end of an alleyway. Directly in the middle was a heap of dark blue material. He started forward slowly, until he saw the heap move. _

_He ran forward, falling on his knees. Reaching over carefully, he gently rolled the figure onto its back._

_Dusty blonde hair covered a marred face. There was a dark puddle of ooze where the child had been lying. He brushed a few strands away to reveal a badly beaten face. Laying the child out flat, Fenris straightened out the robes until he gasped._

_The dress had been ripped and torn, revealing cuts and scratches along the girl's pale skin. But that wasn't where his attention was. The hilt of a dagger was jutting from the girl's womb. He pulled away some rags to see that it had been dragged from her hip along the length, almost disembowelling her._

_He blinked as the girl's feeble frame started to move. _

_He looked up and felt as if his entire being had been slammed against a rock._

_Deep amber eyes looked up at him from under bloody lashes. He felt his hands start to shake as his stomach turned._

"_Hawke?"_

_The girl blinked at him once before her head went limp._

"_Fenris, come away."_

_Fenris' head shot up. He saw the lovely figure of Nasara stood away from the figure. She was watching as he held the young girl. Hawke smiled at him and held out of her hands. Fenris looked down at the unconscious girl before gently lowering her onto the ground. _

_He came away, his body smeared with her young blood._

_Gently taking her hand, Hawke lead him towards the far end of the circle. His eyes darted from the young girl to Nas, unable to grasp the situation._

"_We should help her."_

_Hawke smiled and shook her head. Her hair was dazzling in the light and he found himself wanting to stroke it. She wore a long elegant dark blue gown with beautiful jewels adorning her neck and ears. Her face was flawless and unmarred. _

"_Watch," she said, turning her gaze back to the girl._

_There was a commotion down the alley and Fenris took a defensive stance in front of Hawke. She gently touched his arm, relaxing him._

_Two figures ran into the clearing. One was a woman who screamed as she saw the young Hawke in a bloody heap. The other was a man. He stopped as the woman ran forward, clutching the girl to her chest._

"_She's alive, Malcolm!"_

_Fenris was surprised to see a very young Leandra holding her unconscious daughter. The man ran forward then. His hair was as black as night but Fenris saw his amber eyes shining under his dark brow. He fell to his knees at the side of the girl. Looking at Leandra once, Malcolm grabbed the hilt of the dagger._

_Fenris felt himself wince as the man pulled it free. He immediately covered the wound with his own hand, showering Hawke in a bright blue light. _

_They stood motionless as Malcolm continued to push magic into the girl's frame._

_Suddenly, it went dark. The young girl gasped and coughed as her body convulsed. Leandra cried and grabbed at her daughter, pulling her closer. Malcolm reached forward and engulfed the two women in his arms._

_Suddenly, the scene was gone._

_Fenris stood on a bare plain with nothing around him but sand and light. _

_He turned and saw Hawke stood watching him. He felt a single tear run down his cheek and he wiped it away furiously. He turned to her serene face. _

"_Why did you show me that?" he demanded, hating the way his emotions engulfed him._

_Her bottom lip began to quiver as her liquid eyes began to shimmer and fill._

"_It's all I see," she whispered. "I can't control it. It replays over and over. I have to watch..."_

_The world around him shimmered and shifted again until he stood on a rocky surface. Hills of stone were everywhere around him as he stood in the middle of a bloodbath. The sky was grey as commotion started all around him. _

_He turned and his eyes went wide. _

_Hawke was in the middle of the fray. Her face was fuller; her eyes clear of all worry and age. She spun her staff around as she whacked what he realised was a Darkspawn square over the head. He saw her brother by her and her mother just off a way. The red hair of Aveline flashed through the mass as they fought back wave upon wave of Darkspawn. _

_Then another girl caught his attention. Her body was engulfed in bright green light as she sent a ball of energy into a mass of Darkspawn. Her hair was jet black and her eyes were deep brown. Her face was young and Fenris saw the resemblance to Carver._

_The ground under him started to shake and all figured turned around. _

_A beat bigger than a dragon charged forward, huge horns erupting from its twisted head. It ran towards Leandra and Fenris saw the young black haired girl charge over to her. He saw her call magic to her and send it at the monster, but it missed. _

_Fighting Hawke screamed as it reached forward, grabbing the girl in its monstrous hands. He felt himself flinch and it smashed her against the ground, once, twice..._

_The sickening thud of the girl's body went through him as it threw her backwards against the side of a rock. Leandra ran over to the figure, screaming. _

_Fenris turned away and saw the beautiful Hawke in front of him. A small stream of tears ran down her face as she watched the scene behind him. He walked closer to her and gently put his hand under her chin. Her amber eyes turned to him and he felt his stomach dance._

"_You need to wake up, Hawke. This isn't real. You're in the Fade. We're all waiting for you to wake up..."_

_She inhaled as another tear fell. _

"_I can't make it go away... it keeps replaying..."_

_The world around them shifted again, and this time he recognised the place. He saw the walls around them and heard the commotion. He slowly turned around and saw Hawke on her knees, her mother in her arms. He saw himself stood behind her, watching. _

"_I love you, Nasara. You've always made me so proud."_

_A warm hand touched his as he looked up to see her staring at him. He turned, letting the scene behind him play out. Reaching up, he gently brushed the hair from her face and behind her ear. As she watched him, he saw the world change again. This time, his peripheral vision recognised the room._

_The walls were red, the drapes were red. The carpet was red and the fire danced in the corner. He looked away from Hawke to see himself leaning against the fire. He saw Hawke in the bed, watching him. His heart contracted and he looked down to see the real Nas looking down. _

_He shook his head as his other self turned around. The dream-Hawke sat up in the bed but he couldn't hear them talking. All he could do was watch as he saw himself turn away from her and walk from the room. _

_He watched her as she turned in the bed and seemed to be settling down for sleep._

_And then he heard it. A sob._

"_I don't want to see this," he said, feeling his eyes fill._

_The dream-Hawke's figure started to move as her sobs began to get louder. He felt his breathing catch as he continued to watch her cry._

_Maker if he only knew... he would never had... would never..._

Yes, you would.

_He shook his head and felt his body go numb._

_Falling onto his knees, he closed his eyes, begging for it to stop._

_Something warm brushed his cheek. He reached up and grabbed her hand before opening his eyes. She knelt before him, the jewels of her earrings shining in the firelight. He opened his mouth to speak but she gently put her finger against his lips. _

_He reached out and took her arms, pulling her closer to him. She didn't resist, falling against his chest and burrowing her head in the crook of his neck. He turned his head and breathed her in, hating himself for the weakness but unable to let her go._

_Her body was so real, so soft. She even smelt the same._

_After what felt like hours, the scene disappeared, leaving them kneeling in the sand of the deserted plain. He pulled her away and took her face in his hands. Looking into her eyes, he had never felt so resolved, so sure of something. He had always been filled with doubt, anxiety. He had never felt the need to stop, to stay still._

_He never could. He had been chased for so long; something permanent seemed too out of reach. _

_And yet, here she was. In his arms. _

"_Nasara." She looked into his eyes._

"_I should _never_ have left you. I was... I am, a coward. But I promise, I will never leave you again."_

_The plain shifted and changed back into Hawke's bedroom. He looked away from her to see the two dream-figures of them lying in the bed. He watched as dream-Hawke tied the ribbon around the cut on his arm._

_He looked back down to the real Nasara. She smiled and looked down at his wrist. He followed her gaze and saw the red ribbon tied on his writ once again. He chuckled lightly and pulled her closer, gently covering her lips with his. _

_Their kiss was soft, gentle. He had never seen such a kind side of her as she caressed his lips with her own. He returned it, but he felt it starting to deepen. His blood started to race and his cheeks began to flush. He rubbed his hands gently down her arm and he felt her shiver._

_She pulled away but kept her cheek against his. _

"_I love you," she breathed._

_Fenris squeezed her before pulling her away to face her. he looked into her eyes again and tried to show her how much he cared through his eyes._

"_I am yours."_

Nas gasped and threw herself up.

She felt her heart racing wildly as hands started to take hold of her flailing arms. Her face felt like mashed potato as she panted, trying to catch her breath.

Her vision was blurry as she blinked repeatedly.

"Hawke?"

She turned to see the blue bandana over dark hair. Nas smiled and reached out. Isabella's face turned into a smile as she took Nas's hand.

More figures stepped forward and she felt her heart melt as she saw all of them. Varric and Aveline, Anders and Bodahn. Even Sandal was in the corner, but she saw he was sleeping.

There was a tremendous crash as something burst through the door.

Nas blinked before flinging the blankets from her. The world span as she jumped to her feet and started forward. Even as her legs buckles, she felt strong hands grab her. They both fell to the floor but Fenris never let go of her.

Everything around them seemed to disappear as she looked into his face. She gently brushed a few strands of hair from his face as his green eyes searched hers. He reached down and gently kissed her chapped lips. She winced as he caught a cut and pulled away, guilty.

The silence around them was perfect. Nothing needed to be said. Nothing needed to be done. They were simply...

As one.


	11. Chapter 11

She felt the rope biting into her wrist, making her snarl. Her nose was itching like hell because of the rough sack over her face, and she couldn't really breathe properly.

Her chest was aching where she had taken a few punches and she could feel a bruise forming on her arm where she had been grabbed. Her knees dug into the stony floor and she could feel the mud seeping through her _new_ robes.

Nas gritted her teeth.

Maker she was _pissed._

Normally she would have turned these so called 'kidnappers' into a puddle of sticky ooze, but they seemed to know how to handle mages. And that made her hate them even more.

Her hands were tied tightly around her back which at first had made her lash out uncontrollably. It brought back those horrible memories. But she was helpless to do anything. Putting a mage's hands behind their back left them defenceless, as all of their mana is channelled through their hands.

She took a deep breath, trying to calm herself down.

Nas had been on her way back from the Viscount's Keep. After Viscount Dumar's death, the Keep had pretty much gone to hell. And as the Champion of Kirkwall, it seemed to have fallen to her to keep things together.

Weapons weren't allowed into the Keep, so Nas had left her beautiful new staff behind and had rushed their quickly. She still had the dagger on her thigh, but thanks to a thorough search, the kidnappers had found it.

She had been jumped on her way there and they had moved so quickly she had only managed to get one spell out, but it had sent one of them up in flames.

There was a sudden slam of a door. Nas listened as heavy footsteps were muffled by the dirty ground.

A strong hand grabbed the sack from her head and wrenched it off, leaving her momentarily dizzy and more than a little pissed.

Nas blinked until her vision settled on the sight in front of her.

She was in the middle of some kind of shack. There was one door in front of her and a boarded up window to her left. There was nothing else in the room except the smell of piss and fear. She faced the four figures directly ahead of her.

Three stood back against a wall while the biggest, and the dick that had pulled her hair, was so close to her she could smell the sweat on his skin. They all wore black... material over their faces with two little holes for their wide-eyes. As they stared at her, she studied them.

From the looks of the three at the back, the one on the far right was a woman because of her curves and, well... breasts.

The other two were men, but from their height and stature, they weren't very old. It was the big guy in front of her that looked like the real threat. All four of their auras were a deep, concentrated orange.

Nas raised an eyebrow expectantly. They just carried on staring. It made her feel... uneasy.

"So... care to tell me why I'm here?"

The Big Guy suddenly moved. His whole body turned as his hand came flying down. Nas felt it connect with her face sharply, sending her sprawling over the muddy ground. She landed with a squishy thud.

"You do not speak unless spoken to!" boomed the man.

His voice was thick with Antivan slur. _Ah, explains the smell._

He grabbed her shoulders and yanked her upright. Her face and new robes were ruined and Nas glared at him from under her bleeding face.

She felt the blood in her mouth. Sucking it all up, she spat heavily onto his shiny boots.

The man raised his hand for another slap when the woman walked forward. She started to speak in Antivan, but it was too rushed for Nas to pick any of it out. The man sent a murderous glare to Nas before turning and storming from the room.

The woman looked down at her through her mask. Nas watched her expectantly.

She bent down so she was face-to-face with Nas.

"I wouldn't come any closer if you want to keep your nose," said Nas, spitting again but this time to the side.

"Don't be afraid. We won't hurt you. We're just going to keep you here until your ransom is paid and then you will be let free."

Nas's eyes shot up. Did they seriously not know who she was?

"Ransom? Honey, I don't think you'll live long enough to receive it."

Her brown eyes narrowed. The boys behind her shifted and she saw them changing to a defensive stance.

"You cannot hurt us, mage. We know how to control your magic. Threats are useless against us."

Nas suddenly started laughing. This was just too stupid, too unbelievable!

"Seriously? Mage? Do you know who I am?"

The girl blinked in surprise. Her shaken moment was replaced by her standing up confidently.

"You are Desederia Monay, a noble of the House of Monay. Your father will pay handsomely to have his apostate daughter back, and we will see to it that transactions go accordingly."

Nas sighed and shook her head.

"I'm afraid to tell you that I'm not whoever you think I am. My name is Nasaraelia Hawke, Champion of Kirkwall _and_ apostate mage. Who is seriously pissed."

The three of them stared at her and she watched with satisfaction as their auras merged into a terrified yellow.

Nas chuckled.

The girl gathered herself. "You are lying. We will not listen to your lies, apostate."

She waved her hand and one of the boys walked forward. She saw a long piece of material in his hands.

"You really have no idea what you've got yourself in to. If you let me go now, I'll call off the massacre that will inevitably come."

They all stared at her. Nas smiled wickedly.

"You didn't know? Well, not only have you managed to piss of one of the most powerful people in Kirkwall, you've also seriously pissed off her lyrium-infused lover who wields a greatsword and much strength. I suggest you listen to me and let me go, or see how it feels to be a piece of tainted meat."

The woman didn't look back as she gestured to the boy again. He carried on forward and roughly tied the rag around Nas's mouth. She glared at him, making his aura shake.

He backed away quickly, making Nas inwardly smile.

After an hour on her knees, Nas managed to rock herself onto her rump, but she was now soaked through with mud. It was starting to chill her but she didn't move. She kept her cold gaze on what she guessed was the youngest lad. The two boys had been left guarding the door while the woman and the big guy disappeared somewhere.

At one point in the day, she heard them shouting loudly in Antivan.

After that it had become eerily silent. Nas amused herself by staring the boys down. She made them nervous and afraid, and she loved it.

She knew Fenris wasn't far away.

_Ah, Fenris... _

Just thinking about him made her mana involuntarily flare. She couldn't stop it. Ever since he had come to her in the Fade, he was all she could think about.

Through the Veil they had been bound. It was inexplicable, but she became his as he became hers. It was more than love, more than marriage. Their spirits in the Fade had melded, becoming part of the same being.

Everything that she was suddenly became everything that he was. His hate was part of her as much as his love, just as she was to him. She had no idea if it was because she was a mage and he mage-bound, but all Nas knew was that they were simultaneously as one.

But still it seemed that being part of each other wasn't enough. He still couldn't hide his hatred for her kind. And now she felt it as much as she witnessed it.

It didn't help that he was keeping something from her.

There was a sudden crash somewhere in the distance. The two boys jumped and one of them turned to the door. A few seconds later, there was a gargled groan accompanied by a sharp cry.

Slowly, the two boys turned and faced her. Nas raised her eyebrows and gave them an 'I told you so' look. Their heads whipped back around and faced the door as a huge thump echoed through the thin walls. One of them turned back to her.

She blinked as he rushed to her. As he grabbed the material, there was a loud bang and the door to the room burst open. Standing in the doorway was a young woman. Her hair was long and dark but her eyes were shining. The crimson blood on her face was a stark contrast to the white of her cheeks.

She looked over to Nas. Running forward, she yanked the material from Nas mouth.

"Make them stop!" she shouted as another heart wrenching cry sounded through the room.

"And I should do that because...?"

There was a high scream which made the girl wince.

"We did not know! Please, have mercy!"

A figure suddenly flew behind her, slamming into in the wall. Nas looked and saw the bloody mess was the Big Guy who had pulled her hair.

And then she felt him. His essence touched her like a caress but his aura slammed into her like an embrace. It was like coming home.

And then came his anger...

Suddenly, mercy didn't seem so bad.

Fenris spun so quickly with his blade that all Nas saw was blue and black. The girl gasped and lunged forward, avoiding the blade. Fenris snarled at her before he saw Nas on her knees. Suddenly the whirlwind stopped, and all he saw was her.

Nas felt his surprise, his guilt and most of all his anger. His head snapped up at the girl in the corner. His fists tightened around the blade and Nas saw he was about to lunge.

"Fenris."

His head snapped down. His eyes bore into her own and it was all she could do to smile. He gently put his sword on the muddy ground and leant down. Nas could feel the fear of the girl behind her and the sound of slaughtering was still coming through the door, but she ignored it. His soft hands gently started on the rope.

The pressure was taken from her wrists almost immediately. She moved her hands in front of her as quick as she could. She looked up into his green eyes as he gently brushed the cut on her lip. Before she could speak, his eyes turned to the girl and they held murder.

Nas looked behind her.

The young girl was curled up and her brown doe eyes were wide with fear. She looked pitiful. Fenris reached for his sword but Nas gently touched his arm. She saw his jaw clench but he nodded. Getting to his feet he turned and left the room, no doubt joining the fray.

Nas unsteadily got to her feet. Her knees cracked and her feet were completely numb. She looked at her wrists and saw that the rope had actually cut her. She brushed some of her hair from her face before turning around.

The girl whimpered as Nas stepped forward. She covered her face with her arms and cried out hysterically in Antivan. She looked so pathetic that Nas couldn't even feel angry.

"You're pathetic."

She turned and stepped over the dead body/ walking into the next room, Nas felt herself stop in shock.

The walls of the abandoned house were painted red and bodies littered the floor. Some had arrows jutting from them, others were simply disembowelled. Isabella, Fenris and Varric stood in the mist of them. Isabella searched the bodies as Varric started to pull his red-tipped arrows from the bodies.

Fenris turned and walked towards her even though she hadn't made a sound. The others looked up and smiled as they saw her. Fenris silently put his arm around her waist for support as Isabella and Varric walked over. The dwarf gently squeezed her arm as Isabella planted a not too shabby kiss on her lips. Nas shook her head and smiled.

A wave of dizziness suddenly came over and she felt herself sway. Fenris' arm tightened, hiding any moments of weakness.

She looked at him thankfully but his brooding face simply nodded.

Shaking her head she smiled. Together the four of them walked forward out of the bloodbath and into the sunlight.

"Ow! Maker Fenris, gently!"

She saw his aura flicker slightly but he continued to slowly wipe the cuts of her wrists. She felt the pressure in his hands lessen slightly, allowing her to relax. She leaned back into the sofa and studied him. He hadn't changed much over the years, except maybe a wrinkle or two over his eyes, but it was only because of his brooding.

It had been just over three years since they had killed the Arishok. And things had still gone to hell. It felt like as the days rolled by, the tension between the Circle and the Templars got worse. Nas had a horrible feeling she would soon have to take sides as being neutral didn't seem to do any good.

_Fucking politics._

He reached forward grabbing a bandage from atop the neat pile Bodahn had laid out. She gently circled her finger over his hand as he started to wrap the bandage around her wound. She had said all she needed was a bath but he had insisted on helping her. Well, he hadn't actually said anything but from his stubborn look she knew he wasn't going to give up.

With her other hand she absently reached up for her necklace. She liked to fiddle with her mother's locket when she was concentrating. It centred her somehow, knowing part of her mother would be there when she needed her.

Her fingers hooked around cold metal and she quickly dropped her hand.

Fenris looked side-ways at her but Nas pretended she was scratching her neck. She smiled at him as he silently carried on bandaging. But she knew it was pointless. Lying to him now was like trying to convince a priest Isabella was a virgin.

She slowly reached up again and took hold of the ring. She looked down and studied it for the zillionth time.

It was a platinum band with a single diamond. But it wasn't the diamond that made it special. Small veins inlaid with sapphire linked around the band. It had made her smile that Fenris would pick something that resembled his markings, but she knew it was so he would never forget her.

He had given it to her three weeks after she became the Champion. He was so unsure, so nervous. He had given it to her because he knew they were bound. He had thought that marriage was what she wanted, but it wasn't. She only wanted him.

"We don't need to be married to be together, Fenris." That's what she had said.

And then she had seen it. The sadness.

No matter how much he denied it, she knew he wanted her to accept it, but she... couldn't.

The idea of marriage, husband and wife... it seemed wrong, somehow. Forced. She just knew it wasn't for her, to be bound by the Chantry. Soul bound perhaps, but not married.

And now she had to see the glimmer of sadness every time he saw the ring.

Nas quickly tucked it under her robe as Fenris finished wrapping her wrist. He took her hand gently before letting go and turning. He reached for the wine on the table and re-filled their glasses. He passed one to Nas and then leant back on the sofa.

She twirled the glass in her hand. The only sound in the room was the crackling fire, and she hated it.

"Do you want to do something?" she asked.

His answer came to her before he had opened his mouth. Sighing, she stood up. Walking forward she turned and headed up the small staircase. Stopping in front of her bookshelves, Nas ran her fingers of the numerous volumes.

Her hand stopped as she came across an ancient looking text.

Biting her bottom lip, she reached forward and pulled it out. The spine was so old it creaked as she opened the dark leather cover. The words in front of her were faded, but she knew them off by heart.

"The Silver King."

Nas turned the page and started to read before she could stop herself. She felt herself lean against the wall as her eyes filled.

The words were so familiar that she could almost hear her father's voice.

She didn't know how long had passed before she felt Fenris' essence gently touch her skin. He bent down and looked at her. Nas slowly looked back and she hated the way her eyes shined. But there was no point in hiding her sadness.

"What are you reading?"

Nas sniffed and gently closed the book.

"Just a stupid story."

She was about to get up when Fenris grabbed her arms. He pulled her onto his lap where she let herself be comforted. He didn't say a word – he didn't need to. Nas didn't wanted to cry, but she stopped herself. She took comfort in his metallic smell and the warmth of his markings.

"What is it about?" he asked, taking it from her hands.

She rubbed her eyes as he opened the cover. She saw him going over the words carefully. He had gotten good at his reading, but he still struggled on some things.

"A man who becomes a king. My... my father read it to me when I was young."

Fenris closed the book and shuffled them around unit he lay with his back against the wall. He opened his legs to let Nas sink onto the floor. He handed her the book and gave her an expectant look. Nas smiled sadly as she turned and leant her back against his chest.

"It _is_ a long story, sure you wanna hear it?"

Fenris did something that always took her breath away. He looked down at her with his big eyes, and smiled. Nas felt her heart flutter before she settled back down.

"As all myths come and go, none will be remembered more than that of the great Silver King. But he was not always so. He was born Javiah Ashen'Ra, first son to the Blacksmith of Dirrien..."

Nas put her glass gently on the floor.

She turned her head and smiled. Fenris lay peacefully with his head to the side. His breathing was deep as he slept. His face was serene and he looked almost... peaceful. Nas felt herself reaching up. She gently brushed his lips with her finger. His eyes darted under his closed lids, making her wander what he was seeing.

She lowered herself deeper into the sheets, pulling the blankets over herself. After a few hours they had gotten into bed where Nas continued reading. Fenris had fallen asleep a few hours ago but Nas couldn't put the book down.

Opening the book again, she read through the last few pages until she came to her favourite passage.

_The war had consumed everything, but the Silver King still stood. Amidst the carnage of the battlefield, one sight made the king's knees grow weak. Rising from the ground was a slim figure. He watched as Helena unsteadily straightened herself out. He pulled her broken bow from the ground only to drop it again. Before he could stop himself, Javiah rushed forward. He leapt over his fallen comrades until reaching her side. _

_Her blue eyes shone in the light of the sunrise as he opened his arms. Embracing her was like accepting oblivion, but he didn't care. She was a bad-tempered, magic-wielding fey, but she was his. He would have no other. _

_Taking her hand, Javiah pulled his ancient Ari'vas dagger from his belt. Putting an edge on her palm, he gently laid his own hand against the other side. He looked into her eyes as he drew the blade across their flesh. Dropping his dagger on the ground, he put her hand up against hers, letting their blood mingle. _

_He lifted their hand up, palm-to-palm, until it was all they could see. Their blood wept openly down their arms but Helena only smiled._

"_Helena. Your blood is my blood. Your being is my being. I give myself to you through the power of life... I bind my soul to you through blood; I bind my heart to you through love."_

_Helena smiled. She gently closed her fingers around his. With her eyes shining, Helena took a deep breath._

"_Javiah... my love, my knight, my king. Your blood is my blood. Your being is my being. I willingly give myself to you trough the power of my lifeblood. I bind my soul to you through blood; I bind my heart to you through love."_

Nas sniffed. She laughed quietly as she wiped her eyes before they got too wet. Gently closing the covers, she put the book on the floor. There was a soft moan as Nas shuffled herself closer to his sleeping form. Her heart fluttered as his arms instinctively curled around her stomach.

As she felt contentment started to settle in her stomach, something dark and ugly suddenly appeared. She suddenly felt sick as her eyes watered. She lay perfectly still until the nausea passed.

Breathing deeply, Nas turned to face Fenris.

Looking into his peaceful face, she felt a tear fall.

As sure as she was that she loved him, Nas knew that it wasn't going to last. In the very pit of her soul, she knew that he was going to betray her.

She covered her face with her hands.

_I'm too fucking tired for this._

Rubbing her eyes, Nas looked up to see dozens of eyes watching her.

They stood on some Maker-forsaken rock in the middle of the Wounded Coast. Surrounding them were Templars and apostates. They created a circle around the unconscious frame of Carver. Slowly, she looked up into the face of Ser Thrask.

"So, you kidnap your own now?"

Thrask had the decency to look sheepish before he looked over Carver's templar armour.

"We just wanted you to see how serious the situation is getting, Serah Hawke. You yourself know the struggles of the mages, and what Meredith does... it's unnatural."

"So is kidnapping."

A dark haired woman suddenly walked forward. Nas recognised her as Grace, an apostate she had helped nearly three years ago. Apparently, she had been busy.

"Please, Champion. I have nothing but respect for you. It's Meredith we must see gone."

"And how is kidnapping my brother supposed to help your cause? If you're trying to gain my trust, you've gone about it the wrong way."

Thrask look down, ashamed.

Nas sighed. She was too tired for this. She hadn't been sleeping because of horrible nightmares, and in the day it just got worse. Fenris wasn't talking to her because she had refused to kill Emile De Launcet, a Circle mage that had escaped with two others. The first two, Huon and Evelina, were actually bloodmages. But Emile was just stupid and wanted to get his leg over before he was taken back.

But Fenris had assumed he was a bloodmage, even though he knew he wasn't. Nas had let him go, and he couldn't stand it.

It had been like this for weeks. There would be a new crisis or another and she would eventually have to side with either Meredith or Orsino.

And because she was a mage, she tended to side with Orsino. And she hated templars with passion. This pissed off the broody elf more than anything, and he was making his disapproval known.

"Look, I get what you're doing. I think Meredith is a bitch too, but you're going about it the wrong way. Kidnapping people's family are just going to make you look bad. And, well, they'll seek vengeance and all that."

Nas felt the shock hit her back from Fenris. She knew that he supported Meredith in her decisions. But Nas thought she had always made it clear that she didn't agree with Meredith. In fact, she though Meredith was verging on psychotic.

_Well, I guess the truth is coming out now. _

"I should have known you recognized the threat that Meredith poses," said Thrask. "I'm sorry for any distress we caused you or your friends."

Nas nodded sharply.

"Let the hostage go."

"No."

All eyes turned to Grace.

"The boy dies. Then the Champion."

She turned towards Carver but Thrask was suddenly in front of her.

"Stand down, Grace!" he ordered.

Nas started to feed her mana into her drawn staff. She felt the tension in her party elevate as they watched the scene in front of them.

"We will not kill an innocent to achieve our ends. It gains us nothing to become Meredith," said Thrask.

Grace's face twisted as she snarled.

"Meredith! What do I care for Meredith? I'm here for the Champion!"

Nas suddenly remembered being back in those caves over three years ago. She remembered seeing the hate in Grace's eyes. Nas had killed her lover, and that was why she was here.

She felt her stomach drop at the thought of losing Fenris.

His soothing essence touched her skin, comforting her.

"I'd been wondering when you'd come back to bite me in the ass," said Nas.

She took a step forward, twirling her staff in front of her. Varric had found the staff in some forbidden market of sorts. It was a dark wood and designed with runes up and down it. But the thing she liked most was that one end was a blade and the other a concentrating crystal.

She could now slice and dice.

"Decimus was right. There is no way for a mage to live by the Chantry's laws. You killed the best man I ever met. But I learned all he had to teach. Alain, kill the hostage!"

The staff in Nas's hands suddenly burnt blue fire.

"No! No one has to die here!" protested Thrask.

Grace laughed manically.

"Oh but that's where you're wrong..."

Nas felt her skin prickle as she saw Grace calling her mana to her. But it was wrong.

Her whole body grew brighter as she scratched at a scabbed wound on her arm, calling the power within her lifeblood.

Crimson mana rippled along Grace's arms. As her party rushed forward, Grace sent it at Thrask, sending him up in burning blood fire. His blood curdling screams made her throat close.

Fenris and Isabella were a blur as they rushed forward. Merrill stayed by her, casting spell after spell.

As she looked around, the world seemed to stop. It was the same, day in, day out. Blood, death, fighting... she was just so, so _tired_. And then she looked up. A pair of emerald eyes were watching her, only briefly. But in them she saw pain, sadness, anger and hate.

She felt him withdraw himself, as if preparing something.

As her fire spell ripped through the heart of Grace, Nas felt her own being torn in two.

_Fenris, please don't leave me._


	12. Chapter 12  Part 1

Nas sighed heavily.

Rubbing her tired eyes with both hands, she concentrated on breathing. Maker it had been a hard few days.

Not only had she been Meredith's lapdog, she was apparently Orsino's bitch as well.

Her new armour chafed under her arms, but it did look awesome. It had been paid for by the Chantry as a thanks for slaying the murderous Qunari. Nas had even been allowed to pick the colours. She went with the Hawke and Amell colours – red and black.

Her staff lay at her feet, newly oiled.

Letting her hands drop from her face, her hair fell over her eyes as she leant forward onto her knees.

Blowing at it in frustration, she sighed. She hadn't bothered to cut it in a while, and now it was hanging past her shoulders. And she hated it.

Looking into the darkness of the silent Alienage, Nas tried to calm her racing mind.

Not only had she been pissing around with Meredith and Orsino, but Fenris had also dropped his problems on her. Apparently, he had secretly contacted his long lost sister. Not only did she reply, but she had even come to Kirkwall. That family reunion had ended with a bloodbath in the Hanged Man.

Thankfully, Denarius had been skewered like the pig he was... but then Fenris had turned on Varania.

She was just a kid, and she looked so much like him... Nas had been so shocked when his body had flared into sapphire light. Before she could think about it, she had grabbed his arm.

What had shocked her most of all was that they had burnt her.

Fenris had lost control and his markings had seared her palm. Even through the pain however, Nas had held him tight. He had turned on her with eyes full of hatred and Nas felt like she should have raised her staff to him. He had calmed after a few moments of glaring silence, thankfully.

But she still saw that burning hate every time she closed her eyes.

Pushing her hair back with her right hand, Nas sniffed. It was getting cold and the moisture air made her nose go all blocked and stuffy. She looked at the bandage on her hand. Anders had given her a balm for the burn, but the pain wasn't physical.

She raised her hand to knock on the door when the sight in front of her made her stop.

Her new armour had been partly based on her friends', as they had helped her defeat the Arishok. She had the same layered structure that Aveline wore, with a soft material on one side from Merrill. There was the same feathers that Anders wore and Fen-

And Fenris' gauntlets.

Her fingers looked like vicious metallic claws. An image of Fenris running his hands over her bare skin clouded her vision before a burst of light hit her in the face.

She looked up and saw Merrill standing in the doorway of her little home. A waft of something meaty blew into Nas's face, making her mouth water.

"Oh, I didn't think you would come."

Nas raised an eyebrow. "Charming."

"No! I... well, I uh... I thought you might have been too busy or off doing duties or maybe –"

"Merrill, I'm here. Can I come in? It's kind of cold."

Her luminous green eyes got wider and she mumbled something about being stupid before moving to the side. Nas walked into the warmth gladly, gently leaning her staff against the wall by the door. She unhitched her dark cloak before laying it over the back of an armchair.

"Water or wine?"

"What wine is it?" asked Nas, sitting herself close to the fire.

"Urm... Agriggio something."

"Water."

Nas saw Merrill start at her sudden reply, but the elf continued with what she was doing. Nas pulled at the nape of her armour before a cup appeared in front of her face. She smirked and took the cup from Merrill.

Nas watched as Merrill looked around nervously before sitting opposite her.

"So..."

Nas took a sip of her water as Merrill looked everywhere but at her.

"Merrill?" The elf jumped. "Is there something you're not telling me?"

"What? Why would you think that?"

"Because you've been holding your breath."

Merrill blinked. She sighed suddenly and fell back into her seat as if defeated.

"I... ah... I have something to tell you. I don't know – well I do know, but that's not the point. I mean I want to tell you, about it. The thing I know."

Nas leaned forward and waited, but the bloodmage was silent.

"And...?"

"Oh! Right. I'm pregnant."

The shock hit Nas in the face almost physically and she felt the cup fall from her hands. Merrill rushed forward and caught it, but not before its contents was spread over her rug.

Nas just blinked.

"You're... pregnant? As in there is a baby in your belly growing, right now?"

Merrill put the cup on a small side table and sat back opposite her. It took a few minutes for Merrill to be able to look up. But it wasn't shame in her eyes, or sadness. It was fear, as pure as day.

Nas couldn't think of anything to say. It had never crossed her mind that Merrill might have had a lover. To her, the small elf had always been so innocent and naive that she just reminded Nas of a young child. Curious and trusting.

"But you're so young."

Merrill smiled. "I am nearly thirty, Lethellan. That's not young."

Nas leaned back without taking her eyes from Merrill.

"Are you sure? You haven't just jumped to a conclusion?"

"Well, I've missed two moonbleeds, and I've never had that before... have you? I mean, have you ever missed a moonbleed?"

A small sliver of sadness crept into Nas' stomach. She looked down, making Merrill's aura flare orange in concern. She felt eyes on her, but Nas couldn't think of what to say.

"Have you... you've been pregnant before?"

Nas' head snapped up. "No."

The bloodmage recoiled at Nas' harsh tone and she immediately softened. Nas sighed.

"I've... I can't have children, Merrill."

"Nonsense! You'd make a great mother! Fenris would _maybe_ need some help but-"

"No Merrill. I _physically _can't have children. I uh... had an incident when I was younger. I've never had a moonbleed, never been able to. So... I don't know how I could help..."

Merrill's face dropped and Nas wanted to slap herself. The elf had gotten so much crap since she had come to Kirkwall. Everyone stayed away from her because of her magic, they treated her differently.

"But... I will try."

Merrill looked up with a small smile. Her eyes glistened in the faint light.

"Who's the father?"

Merrill's eye widened then, as if she hadn't thought about telling anyone that part. A shocking thought crossed Nas's mind.

"Do you... _know_ who the father is?"

"Of course I do!" she snapped.

If possible, the elf's eyes got wider. She looked shocked at herself, and Nas was even a bit surprised at her tone. Usually she only snapped when Fenris dug his claws into her. Or when Anders decided to have a dig at her.

"Then who is it? Do I know him?"

Merrill smiled sheepishly and Nas saw her pointed ears start to turn pink. Nas didn't know whether to smile or scowl.

"It's... uh..."

Nas felt like she should do something to easy her uneasiness. This seemed difficult for her, but Nas felt even more uncomfortable. Surely Isabella would know more about this stuff? Then again, why would she? She's never spoken about kids. Aveline... well, Aveline just didn't seem the motherly type.

But maybe Aveline would know more. Either that, or she would be just as uncomfortable as Nas.

Nas reached over and awkwardly patted the elf's dainty hand.

"You won't hate me?"

Nas blinked. She felt anger at the back of her throat. She gave the elf such a harsh look that Merrill winced_. No. Not..._

"Merrill, if its Fenris then I will go on a killing spree –"

"No! Creators, no! Is that what you really think of me, Hawke?"

Nas shook her head. "No Merrill, of course not... I –"

"It's Varric, alright?"

Nas felt herself go stiff. She looked at Merrill without blinking for what felt like hours. The longer she looked, the pinker Merrill got. Varric? _Varric? _Maker...

Suddenly, Nas started to laugh.

Merrill looked at her suspiciously, but the laughter was catching. Within minutes they were both laughing so hard that Nas's chest ached.

It was so... ludicrous! She would never have guessed the dwarf had a thing for Merrill. But then again, thinking back... he did keep an awful close eye on the elf. It just seemed so unbelievable.

Merrill's laughs started to get quieter. Nas looked over to see she wasn't laughing anymore.

Nas's brows drew together as the elf let out a small sob.

"I don't know what to do, Lethellan. I haven't seen him in days..."

"Does he know?"

Merrill looked up and shook her head. Another small tear streamed down her cheeks.

"Tell me what happened Merrill, and we'll figure this out."

Merrill bit her bottom lip, but she nodded.

"Well... we've always been friends. He always looked out for me. When I first came here, I didn't know where anything was and he gave me this ball of string to help me get around."

Nas smiled and nodded, remembering the twine sticking from the elf's pockets all the time.

"And he would invite me out to show me around. We would walk along the docks and... well, I never thought anything of it, really. I always felt a fool around him. He always treated me like a sister. I decided years ago I would never bring up anything about, well, about anything. So we stayed friends. He'd invite me around to the Hanged Man sometimes, and we'd sit and talk and... well, he'd drink, I'd watch him get drunk. I never drank because... you know."

There was brief image of Merrill strip dancing on a table in the Hanged Man before Varric and she had to tackle her to the ground.

"It wasn't until after Bartrand came back to Kirkwall that Varric showed... affection. There'd be brief thing at first. A touch of the hand, you know, and a stroke of the hair. I thought I was imagining it, so I didn't act on it. And then..."

Nas raised an eyebrow as Merrill trailed off. She was so engrossed in the story that the room seemed very quiet when Merrill stopped talking.

"And...?"

"Well... one night, about three months ago, I went round to the Hanged Man to play diamondback like every Monday. But no one else was there. Varric asked me if I wanted to have dinner with him. He was acting strange. You know, not all confident. He seemed a little awkward and he was kind of... mumbling his words. After a while I asked if there was something wrong, he said no. But then he looked at me..."

The elf's eyes went all glossy and far away. It was a look she had never seen before. Merrill looked so utterly blissful as she replayed her memory. Nas felt herself shift. She hoped she never looked like that.

"And he... well, he said no and smiled and, well... he kissed me."

Nas smiled. "Do you love him Merrill?"

Merrill blinked. Her peaceful expression vanished then, replaced by confusion.

"Love...? I don't know what love is, Lethellan. I've never thought to be in love. What is love, Hawke?"

"Merrill... that's not an easy question."

"Don't you love Fenris?"

Nas felt her heart skip a beat. Now _that_ was a good question.

"I ... uh... " _With all my heart._ "I don't know, Merrill."

"Neither do I..." Merrill looked into the fire.

Nas followed her gaze and joined her in staring into the flames.

"You know what, Merrill? I think I'll have that wine now."

Nas let out a grunt as her staff connected against a masked man's head. She heard a sickening crunch before he crumpled onto the floor.

She span on her heel but only silence greeted her. Wiping blood from her face, Nas gently slid her staff into the holder on her back. She saw Isabella sheath her twin blades by her side.

"You think the gangs would have realized that it's not safe to rob the streets anymore," said Anders as he stepped over a dead corpse.

Nas nodded in agreement as they carried on forward.

She looked behind her. Aveline wiped her blade against a dead thug's shirt before sheathing it. She gave Nas a questioning look. Nas shook her head and looked forward. Her heart felt heavy as they carried on down the docks.

Isabella was stony as she walked forward. Nas tried not to smile at the dark patch starting under her right eye. _Well... she told me to make it convincing..._

OK, perhaps she _shouldn't_ have punched Isabella in front of Valesco to make it look like Nas wanted Isabella to be kidnapped. Luckily it had paid off and Isabella had managed to leave a trail of jewellery and odds and ends for Nas to follow. And now they headed to the warehouse where Castillon was waiting for them.

Nas rubbed her eyes.

Maker, she was tired.

The months had flown by. She had continued being the Knight-Commanders bitch, but she had overheard an argument between Meredith and Orsino. She couldn't shake the feeling that something was coming. The way they shouted at each other... soon, it wouldn't just be words they were fighting with.

And Fenris... he was closing in on himself.

Even though Denarius was dead – and he was now free – he just couldn't let go of his hate. It was consuming him, twisting his mind. Every time she tried to talk to him about it, he would get such a hateful look in his eye that it was all she could do to leave.

And then he would come to her at night. They would make love and he would forget about the pain for a few blissful hours.

She sighed.

Something brushed her arm and she looked up. Anders gave her a tired smile. Nas smiled back, but then she remembered.

Anders had made them trek through the damn sewers. He had found some Tevinter ritual to separate him and Justice. They had to collect Maker-knows-what from some ungodly places. And she still hadn't forgiven him for making her get shit on her new boots.

His eyes went glossy as he looked at her. Nas shifted uncomfortably. The problems between her and Fenris had spread quickly through their group. She didn't mind because it took the buzz away from Merrill, Varric and the bump.

Nas smiled then. Merrill had told Varric eventually – and then he announced it to the entire Hanged Man's inhabitants. Nas had never seen him look so happy, so proud. She guessed it was better than thinking about Bartrand's death and betrayal. Merrill and Varric had been together ever since.

"This is it."

Nas pulled herself from her thoughts to see they were standing in front of the warehouse. Nas pulled her staff free and nodded. The pirate queen nodded back, unsheathing a dagger before wrenching the door open.

They walked casually but all of them were strung for battle.

"And Velasco told me you were all tied up, a lovely present ready to be opened."

Nas raised an eyebrow at the man's cocky voice. They walked into the huge space of the warehouse with Isabella at the front. She smiled at him seductively.

The greasy man before them looked their blood stained armour up and down.

"I see he paid for that little mistake. What a pretty smear he makes. Well played, Isabella. Crossed and double crossed."

Isabella put a hand on her hip while examining her blade.

"You want to talk? Maybe we should talk about these documents..."

Nas reached into her robe and pulled out the blood-spattered pieces of crumpled parchment.

"Slavery in the Free Marches? They're not going to like that..." teased Isabella.

Castillon's face darkened. "Get to the point."

"Give me your ship, and your word to leave me alone, and you can take these papers and go."

Nas's eyebrows shot up. My, my... she had misjudged Isabella.

"Ah, Isabella... always full of surprises," said Nas, half sarcastically.

"I see I wasn't the only one played today," said Castillon. Nas wanted to agree with him, but she kept her game face on.

"Give me the documents, and you can have the ship. And you will never hear from me again."

Isabella's face became serious. "Swear it."

"I swear it on my mother's grave." He bowed mockingly. "Give me the documents."

Nas shook her head and looked at the pirate.

"You've made your decision, Isabella. Do what you want."

She saw Isabella falter for a moment before she turned to look back at Castillon. She took the documents from Nas and handed them to Castillon.

"The ship is yours," he said, snatching them from her hands. "Let me say, my dear, that you would make a remarkable ally for any man able to tame you."

Isabella raised an eyebrow at him before he smiled.

"Our business is hereby concluded. Forever. Be well, Isabella."

And just like that, Castillon and his men gathered and walked from the warehouse. Nas waited for them to get a head start before leading her small party back into the dark dockyard. As they headed back to Lowtown, Nas could feel Isabella's eyes watching her.

"He didn't deserve to walk free," she said, making Isabella jump.

She shrugged. "He'll get what's coming to him, someday. Doesn't need to be at my hand."

Nas turned from her, feeling stupid and used. The pirate queen would need to do some serious ass licking to get back into Nas's good books.

"Oh come on, sweet thing..." Isabella gently stroked behind Nas's ear, like she used to when they shared a bed. Nas sighed.

"So how does it feel to get the ship of your dreams?"

"Better than three greased-up sailors. I really should haul up anchor first thing tomorrow morning but..." Nas was surprised to see some kind of emotion other than lust on Isabella's face.

"I don't know. I've taken a shine to Kirkwall and the people in it. I might stick around."

Nas raised an eyebrow. "Oh really? You're too kind, Isabella."

The pirate sighed. "I know. You're rubbing off on me, Hawke."

Nas smiled as they turned the corner.

And then her smile dropped.

Standing by the edge of the docks were two grand figures standing face-to-face. Shouting.

"I will have the Tower searched. Top to bottom!"

"You cannot do that," yelled First Enchanter Orsino. "You have no right!"

"I have every right," retorted the Knight-Commander. "You are harbouring bloodmages, and I intend to root them out before they infect this city!"

The First Enchanter raised his hands in exasperation.

"Blood magic! Where you do not see blood magic! My people cannot sneeze without you accusing them of corruption."

Nas slowly walked forward with her party close behind her.

"Do not trifle with me, mage. My patience is at an end."

"A wonder that I never saw it begin!"

"The way you two carry on, people will talk." All eyes turned to Nas. She smiled sweetly.

"This does not involve you, Champion," spat Meredith.

Nas raised an eyebrow while looking over the Knight-Commander's four pets. Orsino had a few mages behind him and Nas felt her mana stir.

"Now she's here, I think she deserves to know what you've done."

"Been naughty, Meredith?"

Nas saw anger flash through Meredith's icy blue eyes.

"What I have done is protect the people of this city, time and again. What I have done is protect you mages from your curse and your own stupidity. And I will not stop doing it. I will not lower our guard, I dare not!"

Nas watched in annoyance and curiosity as Meredith's tone bordered on hysterical. She felt her stomach drop at the Knight-Commander's expression.

"_Are_ there any bloodmages, Orsino?"

"These are only her latest accusations, nothing more!" He gave her an almost pleading look.

As they all stared at her, she felt her shoulders start to slump. The weight on her shoulders was crushing her. For some reason, she wished Fenris was there. She wished she could take some comfort in his aura, just for a moment.

"And what if she does not find what she's looking for? How much further will she go to root out something that isn't there?"

"The Champion knows better than anyone else how deep the Circle's corruption goes. I must find the source!"

Nas blinked repeatedly at Meredith's ramblings. She sighed. Looking up at both Orsino and Meredith, she couldn't hide her anger. They were like children! Naughty, bitchy blood children.

"You both set quite the example for your people, you know that?"

Meredith's eyes suddenly became wide. She gave Nas such an exhausted look that she almost wanted to pat her shoulder. Almost.

"What other option do we have? Shall we look the other way? Tell the poor victims of a possessed mage that we meant no harm? Tell me, Champion, that you have not seen with your own eyes what they can do, heard the lies of mages that seek power!"

Nas felt her skin prickle. Her eyes narrowed as she gave the Knight-Commander a murderous look.

"They're not the only ones that lie and seek power," she hissed.

Meredith's aura flared a deep red.

"You would cast us all as villains, but it is not so!"

Nas felt herself reaching around for her staff, but Meredith only turned and faced Orsino and his words. Her face became solemn, her eyes melancholy.

"I know, and it breaks my heart to do it, but we must be vigilant. If you cannot tell me another way, do not brand me a tyrant!"

Orsino looked down, his eyes furrowed.

"This is getting us nowhere. Grand Cleric Elthina will put a stop to this."

Orsino turned and took a step forward when Meredith suddenly reached out, grabbing the Elder Mage's arm and yanking him around. immediately everyone was in a defensive stance, prepared to jump.

"You will not bring her Grace into this!" hissed Meredith.

"Enough!" Nas walked forward. She stepped between Meredith and Orsino before anyone could start a fight.

Suddenly, there was a noise behind them. Anders stepped forward from the shadow with his staff drawn. He held it by his side. Nas opened her mouth to tell him to back off, but he only had eyes for the Knight-Commander.

"The grand cleric cannot help you!"

"Explain yourself, mage." Meredith turned so sharply that it made Nas's mana flare.

"I will not stand by and watch you treat all mages like criminals... while those who lead us bow to their templar jailers."

"Anders, what the-"

"How dare you speak to-"

The First Enchanter was cut off by Anders' staff hitting the ground heavily.

"The Circle has failed us, Orsino! Even you should be able to see that!" Nas gasped as she saw Anders' skin crack, and blue essence seep through him. "The time has come to act. There can be no half-measures."

He turned. Nas walked forward slowly, a deep unsettling feeling in her stomach.

"Anders, what have you done?"

"There can be no turning back."

As he spoke, Nas felt the ground under them start to shake. It was if the entire world trembled under them. The mages and templars looked around wildly as something began to rumble.

Before anyone could speak, there was a deafening roaring sound overhead. The sky became red as a bright light shot into the clouds. A high pitched noise made them all wince. Nas turned in the direction of Hightown, which she saw was the centre of the light.

Suddenly, it all stopped.

"Anders, what the fu-"

Nas felt the earth around them shatter as the city in which they stood became nothing but light. There was no sound as an invisible force sent them all sailing through the air. Her ears rang and her eyes watered, but only one word went through her mind.

_Fenris._

"Maker have mercy!"

Nas groaned as she turned onto her back. The sky rained flaming pieces of debris, and the sky shone red. She knew it before she even saw it. A war had dawned.

Isabella suddenly cast a shadow over her. Nas took her outstretched hand and was pulled quickly onto her feet. The mages and templars were trying to shake off the stun, but Meredith and Orsino simply stood. They just stared at Hightown, and at the highest tower of the Chantry, which was no longer there.

"There can be no peace."

Nas turned her head sharply. Anders stood still with his head down.

Orsino turned on his heel. He faced the abomination with an exasperated look.

"Why...? Why would you do such a thing?"

Anders looked up with his eyes blazing. "I removed the chance of compromise, because there is no compromise."

"The grand cleric has been slain by magic, the chantry destroyed... As Knight-Commander of Kirkwall, I herby invoke the Right of Annulment. Every mage in the Circle is to be executed – immediately!"

"The Circle didn't even do this! Champion, you can't let her! Help us stop this madness!" pleaded Orsino. It was then, when her heart was heavy and her skin prickling, that she made her choice.

"And I demand you stand with us!" snapped Meredith. "Even you must see that this outrage cannot be tolerated!"

"This... is chaos. We must help the Knight-Commander!" said Aveline. Nas looked at the Guard-Captain before looking at her boots.

She felt the pressure behind her eyes, even when Anders' voice rang out.

"It can't be stopped now. You have to choose."

Bethany's sweet face suddenly came into her mind. Memories of them together involuntarily flashed behind her eyelids. Her dark hair in pigtails, holding a small ball of fire when she was younger. The look on her face when Nas made her first staff. Of Bethany and her father, sitting at the dinner table, sending small lightning bunnies at Carver.

_Ah, shit._

Whatever else had happened, whatever else had happened to her – she was a mage. She would live or die for her kin, as any other mage would do. Who knew how many magelings like Bethany there were in that Tower? How many babes would die before they said their first words?

"Orsino, you have my hand."

"Hawke... if you do this... I don't know if I can follow."

Nas nodded sadly at Aveline. She had already tested the captain's loyalty more than once. Aveline had been to hell and back for her. She had done countless things with her, things that had gone back on every belief she had.

Nas heard Isabella grumble behind her. "Shit... what have you gotten yourself into this time, Isabella?"

"Think carefully, Champion. Stand with them and you share their fate."

Nas took a deep, cleansing breath. She reached behind her slowly and drew her staff. Setting the wooden stump onto the floor, she let her mana trickle slowly into it.

Opening her eyes, she faced the raging Knight-Commander. "I can live with that."

Something touched her shoulder. Nas looked around and saw a pair of light green eyes, surrounded by freckles and blazing red hair.

"I see what you're trying to do. And my place... is with you, Nasara. Always will be."

Nas nodded gratefully at the Guard-Captain, her heart swelling with emotions that would remain silent.

"You are a fool, Champion! Kill them all! I will rouse the rest of the Order!"

Before the first templar could attack, Nas sent out a thick ball of lightening. It pierced through his armour like a butter knife.

And then all Chaos broke loose.

The docks became a symphony of light, screams, blood and pain.

Nas turned and slammed her staff into a templar's head. As blood splattered her face, she felt her stomach turn. Maker, this wasn't real.

Setting another man on fire, she turned to see her companions standing still. Bodies littered the ground, and the First Enchanter had his hands over his face.

"So it has come to this..." he turned to Nas. "I don't know if we can win this war, Champion... but thank you. I suggest you round up your allies as quickly as you can, Meredith will not be slow in summoning her troops. And I leave your... _friend _for you to deal with. I must return to the Gallows. Meet me there as soon as you can."

Nas gave him a quick nod before he turned away, a small group of mages behind him.

It took her a while to turn, but she eventually did so. She saw Anders sat on a broken crate, leaning on his knees. He had his back to her as he stared over the ocean.

She stared towards him, stomping her feet on the ground dramatically. She wanted him to fear her; she wanted him to cower for what he had done. But as she got closer, she didn't see regret in his eyes, no remorse. She saw peace.

"There's nothing you can say that I haven't already said to myself. I took a spirit into my soul and changed myself forever to achieve this. This is the justice all mages have awaited."

"Justice? You calling killing innocents justice, Anders? What the- how the- ah!"

Nas raised her staff at his head, her eyesight red with anger. Blood rushed in her ears and her hands shook. She saw a tear fall down his cheek and her heart softened. That made it even worse.

With a furious cry, Nas brought her staff down as hard as she could.

There was a harsh, metallic clang as her staff sent sparks along the cobblestones.

Her face was twisted and her mind raced, but Nas managed to take in a breath.

"I'll never forgive you for this. Get up and stop pitying yourself. You've fucked up royally, Anders. And you've got one chance to change it. Round up anyone and everyone. Meet me in Hightown in half an hour."

He got up and looked at her. Nas snarled as she saw a hint of a smile on his lips. Taking one step closer to him, her mana roared to life in her palm. She raised it to his face.

"If you say do anything, say anything – or even breathe in a way I don't like, I'll turn you into a crispy rat-snack. Got it?"

He gave her a serious gaze and nodded his head quickly.

Nas turned from him sharply; feeling a little satisfied as her staff caught him on his leg.

"That goes for you two too. Round up everyone, including Merrill. I'm... going to Hightown. Meet me there."

Aveline nodded in understanding, as did Isabella. Without looking back, Nas walked away from them, trying to calm her erratic mana.

Her foot connected with the door violently, sending shards of wood through the air. All the trapped, musty air hit her as it was sucked into the night. Her hair blew behind her, and Nas cringed as she felt the blood crust on her face.

"Fenris?" she called.

The mansion before her was silent. Walking forward, she felt a sense of calm come over her. The mansion was dark – as always. Its walls were crumbling; its floor was broken and mouldy. But she loved it here. It was a perfect reflection of its single inhabitant. Dark and broody.

Her boots connected with the floor heavily, sending a pulsing echo through the empty halls.

"Fen-"

Nas was cut short as something smashed into her. She collided heavily with the wall, shattering the already crumbling structure. A wave of guilt hit her harder than the wall as the world became vertigo. She was yanked to her feet and held steady.

"Forgive me, I thought..."

"Thought what? That I was a fucking bouncy ball?"

Fenris looked down as his markings turned back to their usual dull blue. Nas glared at him before rolling her shoulders, wincing as something pulled along her back.

Before she hit him over the head with her staff, Nas launched into what had happened not fifteen minutes ago. She told him about Meredith's maniacal glare and the Chantry exploding.

"I heard the bang."

She nodded. "That's not all."

He raised an eyebrow at her. Nas suddenly felt nervous. She needed to tell him but every fibre of her being screamed at her not to. _No - if he loves me, then he'll understand._

_HA! Yeah, sure._

"I was forced to make a choice." His aura flared a deep orange. As he looked into her eyes, it started to go a deep, dangerous crimson.

"I had to side with Orsino. We're meeting him in the Gallows-"

"The mages?" His voice was a bitter hiss.

Nas found herself lifting her head higher. She called her mana to her hands. It tickled as it played over her fingertips.

"Yes. The mages. Does that surprise you?"

His aura flared with every emotion, every word that he wasn't saying. It was like a furnace the way it blared different shades of red.

After a few minutes of silence, Fenris was seething. She could see it. She could feel it. And she hated it.

"Fenris?"

Nas reached out to touch him but he jumped away as if she was poison. He looked at her so full of hate and betrayal that she felt her heart crack. It was obvious what he was going to say, but it cut her deep anyway.

"I will not fight to save _mages_."

His face was nothing but an ugly sneer. Nas felt her eyes fill. It took all her strength not to slap him, to punch him, or even shake some sense into him.

It seemed his hatred just went too deep.

Nas reached up and under her armour, pulling hard to release the chain around her neck. She held her mother's locked in one hand and with the other; she pulled off the small silver ring. The blue veins shone in the dim light.

"Then I will face you before the dawn."

Opening her hand, the small ringlet fell to the ground. It made a sweet ding as it bounced and disappeared into the darkness of the dark, damp mansion.


	13. Chapter 12  Part 2

Before she changed her mind, Nas walked past him. He didn't move as her shoulder bashed into his.

The cold air made her eyes water as she walked into the night.

No, she told herself. Not watering. Crying. They were tears.

What started as a paced walk became a sprint. She pushed the door to her own mansion aside roughly. The room was warm and welcoming, but it did nothing to heal her cold body. She felt as if the blood was draining from her, as if her heart was being hacked from her body.

She ran past Bodahn, up the stairs and into her room. Before she could fall onto her bed in a melting pile of watery sadness, Nas grabbed the pack from the back of a chair. She walked to her chest of drawers, pulled out a pair of trous, a tunic, a pair of knickers and some fresh socks.

Tears flowed freely down her face as she walked over to her small chest. She sobbed loudly as she opened the lid.

Inside was everything from her life in Lothering. She dug around past letters and random trinkets until she found it. Shoving her mother's locket in her pocked, Nas held the small glass butterfly in her palm.

Bethany had made it for her when they were young. They were sat in a field when a butterfly had landed on Nas's shoulder. It was a deep purple butterfly and they had watched it in amazement. But without warning, it suddenly fell onto her lap dead.

Bethany had touched it with her little hands and enclosed it in a layer of ice. Nas had then covered it in fire, turning it into a crystallized piece of beauty.

Nas sniffed and shoved the butterfly into her pack, along with every potion and poultice she could find. Eventually, she emerged from her room where Bodahn was waiting at the bottom of the stairs. He stood with Sandal and two huge bags.

Nas smiled at him as the small man embraced her. Sandal smiled at her as he held out a small, shining rock.

"Shiny."

She took it and brushed his cheek with her finger. "Very shiny. Thank you, Sandal. And you Bodahn. I can never thank you enough."

Bodahn smiled at her. Without a word, the dwarves picked up their bags and walked out of the mansion. Nas felt another tear roll down her cheek, but she brushed it away in frustration. Now was not the time to cry.

She shoved the rune into her pack before heading through the kitchen. She filled a waterskin and wrapped a loaf of bread in a cloth before opening the door to the cellar. Walking through, Nas ran down into its depths until she came across a door.

Turning its handle, Nas walked into the Hawke treasury. It was mostly a room filled with so-called precious things. Vases and paintings and what not. But Nas didn't even glance at them. She walked straight to a small chest. Opening it, she saw it was brimming with gold coins.

She took her purse from her pack and filled it as far as it would go.

For a moment she stared at the chest. She wasn't looking at it, not really. Her body had just frozen. She didn't know what to do anymore. She had no clue how to fix this. The mages against the templars? Was this really happening?

As if in answer, there was a crash somewhere in the distance. A slight crackling accompanied it, telling her that it had been a spell.

Nas closed her eyes and took in a deep breath. In the silence she managed to pull the small pieces of herself back together. They didn't fit, but her mana held her together, at least for the time being.

Stepping into the light of the hall, Nas felt a presence in the room.

"Get out of my house."

Anders lowered his head. She felt herself starting to shake. From anger or adrenaline? Or both? She wasn't sure, but she knew that if he so much as opened his mouth he would become a human torch.

"Nas-"

"Don't you _dare_. You will never call me by my name ever again. Understand?"

His face became even more sullen, if that were possible. A part of her sunk, as if she wanted to apologise. And then she felt even angrier.

"Hawke. I just wanted to-"

"What? Apologize for blowing up the Chantry and killing Maker knows how many innocents?"

"No."

She blinked. Even through the sadness in his eyes, she saw no remorse for what he had done. If anything, she saw peace. The idea shocked her more than she cared to think about.

"I wanted to say that I'm sorry for breaking your trust." He took a step forward.

Nas recognised the look on his face. Something stirred within her but her grief clouded her mind. She found herself studying his eyes, his strong jaw and his tense shoulders. Her mana flared within her, but she wasn't sure if it was a warning or not.

He took another step. He walked so cautiously, so carefully.

His skin gleamed in the dim light, but it didn't glow like Fenris'. There was no unbearable tugging in her stomach, no desperation. Being around Anders was so much more different because she wasn't connected to him in the same way. She could only just get a feel of his emotions rather than drowning in them. Around Anders, she could breathe.

Before she realised it, Anders was standing directly in front of her. He gave her a look that went straight through her, making her shiver.

And that's when she realised something.

Over the past decade, she had fallen in love with the mage. It was true - she didn't love him like she loved Fenris. She would never love anyone like she loved that elf.

But... could she be content with the mage? He understood her better for her magic. He knew the difference between auras. He didn't loathe what she was.

His hand gently touched the nape of her neck. Her eyes fluttered and her mana materialized in her palm. She felt his caution and she saw he watched her wearily. Anders knew how fragile she was. She would either let him touch her, or she would blow him into pieces.

He stepped into her aura and Nas saw it flash white. She breathed him in. He had the coppery smell of blood on him, as well as the smell of sweat. But it wasn't overpowering. He smelt like a man. A real man.

His face leaned into hers, and Nas surprised herself by letting him kiss her. His lips touched hers gently before they pulled away. She felt her palms sweating as she leaned into it again. Anders' body jolted with shock as he realised she wanted him to continue.

This time, his kiss was full of so much passion that Nas could barely keep up. It was such a force of emotion that she felt her eyes starting to water.

His hands planted themselves on her hips. Somewhere in her mind, bells rang but she was far too engulfed in his touch, his kiss. He roughly pulled her against him. She felt as if she melted into him and his heat. Everything disappeared. The war. Their impending doom. Everything.

Nas raised her arms to touch his shoulders. She felt her mana in her palm, but it only reflected her emotions. Setting her hands gently on his shoulder, she wound her fingers down, tracing the intricate lyrium patterns on his skin-

Her eyes flew open.

Without warning, she felt the pressure build behind her eyes. Her mana burst from her, sending Anders and a wave of purple light across the room. He landed in a crumpled heap by the door. She stood in a stunned silence, staring at his unmoving body.

Her whole body trembled. _What the hell just happened?_

The front door of her mansion was flung forward, revealing Isabella. Her hair was stuck to her face and her armour was sticking to her body from the rain. She walked into the mansion casually, followed by Varric, Merrill and Aveline.

"Hawke, what-"

Anders let out a moan.

Their eyes turned to him and then back to her. She blinked, sending a tear down her cheek.

"I... I don't know."

Her mind was blank. Nothing made sense. The world was spinning and she was just standing there, dumb, deaf and blind. Someone was talking to her, or maybe not to her. She raised her left hand and saw the metallic claws. Grabbing her gauntlet roughly, she threw it to the ground.

Spreading her fingers, she saw the markings engraved on her palm. The pinkish-pale lines entwined around her palm and fingers. It was a marking from his shoulder. He had burnt it onto her. And now she would forever hold his mark.

Using her index finger from her right hand, she gently traced the pattern. It didn't glow like his did, but it felt similar.

Her knees buckled. There was a gasp somewhere to the back and a shadow was cast over her. Looking up, she saw a wide-eyed Merrill. The elf asked her something, but Nas only heard a murmur. She frowned as if she was seeing the elf for the first time.

Her eyes fell onto the bloodmage's swollen stomach. She had covered it with more armour and material, but the bump was obvious. Nas reached out and gently touched Merrill's belly.

A small shock went through her fingers, but it wasn't painful. If anything, it was playful and curious. Nas smiled.

"It's a mage."

"What? Lethellan-"

"Your babe. It's a mage."

There was a few seconds of silence. "I know."

Nas looked up and she felt her vision shimmering. Merrill looked into her eyes, but the elf was confused. She didn't understand.

"He left me, Merrill. He's gone."

Before Merrill could speak, Aveline pushed herself next to her. She was wearing a stern look and Nas felt like she was about to be scolded.

"Hawke, are you hurt?"

Nas blinked. Another tear fell down her cheek. The Guard-Captain's face softened, but only for a moment.

"This is not the time, Hawke," she said, but there was no force behind it.

"The streets are red. Its chaos unlike I've ever seen. The mages are painting the walls with the templars, and the templars are tearing the mages limb from limb. We have to meet Orsino at the Gallows before the city's too ruined to get through."

Aveline held out her hand. Nas closed her eyes and let Aveline pull her to her feet.

Merrill gently touched her shoulder, but energy was sent into her chest so quickly Nas gasped. She looked at the elf, who nodded seriously. Nas copied her.

She suddenly felt stupid. And angry.

Maker she was angry...

"Let's go."

Her hands became engulfed in a bright purple light as she walked. She opened her palm and her staff flew into it. She saw Varric help Anders to his feet. The mage looked dazed, but none the worse for wear.

The rain outside hit her face so hard that it stung. She let the water wash over her, cooling her. Nas's bare hand started to throb from the cold, but she summoned fire to warm it. She threw off her other gauntlet, preferring her skin.

Her party followed her through the rain, and into the ruin of their city.

Her once beloved city was in ruins. People screamed and fled the battles. Aveline wasn't exaggerating when she said the walls were painted with blood.

Nas hurled a fireball at a group of charging templars, scattering them momentarily. Isabella swooped in, digging her daggers into their armour so quickly that by the time one body had fallen, the rest followed.

Nas clenched and unclenched her cold hands. They hadn't even reached Lowtown yet, and already her mana was near drained. She called a string to her hand, but the light glowed weakly. She growled in frustration before distinguishing the light. She wiped sweat from her brow, only to look down and see it was blood smeared over her fingers.

A wave of panic went through her and she wiped her hand on her robe frantically.

Something touched her shoulder, making her jump. "Here."

Anders held up a small shimmering vial. Nas felt the draw of its power before she even comprehended what it was. Snatching it from his hand, she uncorked it and poured the contents into her mouth. It burnt as it slid down her throat, but she felt her mana roar inside her.

Every fibre in her body tingled and for a moment, just a moment, there was no pain.

"Thank you," she breathed.

Anders took the empty bottle of lyrium from her and put it back into his pack. Without a second glance at his sad eyes, Nas turned and continued down the broken stair way.

As her party approached the walkway, a group of masked templars charged towards them. Nas called her mana to her but before she could react, there was a kind of whistling overhead. The templars stopped and watched the sky.

Nas almost felt sorry as they realised what was happening too late. A ball of light bigger than her mansion landed on top of them with a tremendous crash. The force sent them all flying backwards. Nas gasped as her back slammed against a wall.

She landed heavily on her front. Her chest convulsed, making her cough and splutter. She felt a coppery taste in her mouth. Looking into the dust, she saw two tiny blotches of dark liquid. Wincing, Nas managed to push herself onto her knees.

She looked to see Aveline running towards her.

Nas raised her hand and was pulled roughly to her feet. She looked around to see dazed people getting to their feet. And then something caught her eye.

Anders was leaning over a figure. Nas saw two bare feet sticking out from behind him and her heart dropped. She charged over to Merrill quicker than she thought possible. As she landed behind Anders, she saw Merrill's eyes dart to her. Nas was about to speak when she saw the annoyance in the elf's usually soft eyes. Varric leant on her other side, holding her hand.

Anders hands ran over Merrill's bump, casting a small white light over the material.

After a few strained moments, Anders stopped. He sighed happily.

"The baby's fine."

Merrill glared at him. "I know it is! I told you that it was!"

Varric chuckled at her before getting to his feet. Anders helped Merrill to her feet, but she continued to glare.

"Better safe than sorry, Daisy." She sent her glare at the dwarf.

Varric shifted uncomfortably before Merrill's expression softened. She gently sighed and ran her hand over his cheek.

"I know, Ma'Venan."

The look that passed between them was so intimate, so full of emotion that Nas had to turn away. She saw Anders do the same. Nas faced the mess that was once the walkway to the Gallows. It was now nothing but stone and fire.

"We'll have to find another way around, then."

Nas didn't have to look up to know that the Guard-Captain was scowling. They stood in silence until something made Nas turn her head. As if it was a sign from the Maker Himself, a boat was floating gently in the Docks.

"Well... there is that."

Aveline turned her head. "Hmph. I guess there is."

The six of them fought and pushed their way down to the Docks. Citizens were fleeing Kirkwall in masses, taking boats, ships and row-boats. By the time they got to the water's edge, the boat Nas had saw was gone. She cursed.

There was a cough to her left. "I do have a ship now, remember?"

Nas looked at the pirate queen. Isabella gestured to a grand ship sat patiently in the docks. Nas knew nothing about sailing, but even to her, the boat looked impressive. It could easily hold two hundred people. Its sails were down and the wood looked smooth and shiny in the moonlight.

"What are we waiting for? Let's go!"

Aveline jogged towards the ship, and Nas followed. As she jogged, she felt something in her chest ache. She winced but carried on.

They boarded the ship quickly and Isabella took charge. With her shouting out orders and then explanations, they managed to get the boat moving.

As they sailed cleanly through the water, Nas walked to the back of the boat. She looked up to see Isabella holding the wheel lovingly. The wind blew through her black hair, making it trail behind her. She had such a look of peace and longing on her face that it made Nas's chest ache.

She sighed. Looking to the left, she saw the looming shadow of Kirkwall. There was a distant clattering of metal on metal. There were bursts of light all over the city, but they were most concentrated in the Gallows.

The ship was silent as it crept towards the Gallows' small pier. Before the boat had come to a stop, Isabella and Aveline hurled the anchor overboard. Nas heaved herself over the edge and landed heavily on her feet. Her party soon followed, except Merrill, who lowered herself to the ground with her magic.

"Merrill, maybe you should-"

"Hawke, if you even try to tell me to stay on the boat then I... I will – be very cross. And you don't want to see a cross pregnant bloodmage."

Nas managed a weak smile. She nodded at the surprisingly proud elf. Varric gave her a proud look before following Nas up the steps and into the Gallows courtyard.

She saw bodies littered on the floor, as well as rock and broken statues.

By the entrance to the Circle, Nas saw a figure. He raised his arms and created a bolt of lightning taller than himself. With a cry, he threw it at the gaggle of templars by his feet. They scattered as it created a hole in the floor. Some were caught, and they went up in screaming flames.

"Quickly! Quickly!" Orsino urged his young apprentices behind him and up the stairs while he kept the templars at bay. Nas raised her hands and threw a ball of frost at them, turning them into ice sculptures. The First Enchanter looked up. There was a brief moment of relief on his face.

"Champion! You've survived, thank the Maker! We must-"

"And here you are."

Nas felt the voice go through her like poison. She turned around to see Meredith walking towards them. There were four templars behind her. And then she saw it. Him.

He stood by her side with his head down.

Nas felt the world starting to spin. Her legs turned to mush, and she knew they weren't going to hold her up much longer. Her hands trembled as the First Enchanter stomped towards the Knight-Commander.

"Let us speak, Meredith! Before this battle destroys the city you claim to protect!"

Meredith raised an eyebrow in amusement. Nas couldn't take her eyes off him. He wouldn't even look at her.

"I will entertain a surrender, nothing more."

They both walked forward until they stood face-to-face. Nas stood right in the middle of them. They each had three or four people behind them. And suddenly Nas was angry again. She was angry at them, bickering like two children. She was angry at Meredith's arrogance. She was angry at Orsino's desperation. And she was angry at _him_.

"Speak, if you have something to say!" demanded Meredith, but Nas knew she was only humouring the elder mage.

"Revoke the Right of Annulment, Meredith, before this goes too far. Imprison us, if you must. Search the tower. I will even help you. But do not kill us all for an act we did not commit."

Nas saw into the Knight-Commanders' eyes. She knew that it was futile. This was what Meredith had wanted all along. There was no way she was going to back down now. The smile in the corner of her mouth told Nas that the Commander thought she had already won.

"The grand cleric is dead, killed by a mage. The people will demand retribution, and I will give it to them. your offer is commendable, Orsino, but it comes too late."

"Oh bullshit! You've just been waiting for this chance, you lying son of a bitch!"

All eyed turned to Nas and her outburst. The Knight-Commander narrowed her eyes at her.

"I suppose I should have expected no less from you, Champion. So be it. You will share the Circle's fate."

As soon as she said it, Nas saw the apprentices draw their staffs. Her companions drew their weapons, but Nas just continued to stare. She would have Meredith's head, and then she would have Fenris's.

"So what is it to be, Meredith?" asked Orsino. "Do we fight here?"

Meredith looked over Orsino and his meagre forces. She almost looked pitiful.

"Go, prepare your people. The rest of the Order is already crossing the harbour."

Orsino's face twisted into something fearful.

"This isn't over!"

He turned his back to them all and started up the stairs. His apprentices' followed, but they kept one eyes on the templars at their back. Meredith gave Nas one more hateful look, before she too turned and walked towards the other end of the Gallows. Fenris stayed put however.

Meredith gave him a questioning look. He nodded at her before slowly reaching at his back.

Finally, he looked into her eyes.

Her companions had turned and were starting follow the First Enchanter when Isabella looked back.

"Hawke?"

But she wasn't listening. She took slow steps around him until she faced him. He gently brought his sword down until it rested by him. The blade lay across his body, but his marking weren't alight. Carefully, Nas reached around and took the staff from her back.

She could feel the eyes of her friends on her. She felt their worry for her. She saw their auras merge into one dark orange, like it did when she faced the Arishok all those years ago.

Nas felt her stomach settle as she stood face-to-face with the man she loved.

"And so here we are."

Nas blinked. "Here we are."

"It's you or me, Hawke. Either way, it ends here."

Nas mentally winced. His words hit her like arrows, but it was the resolution in his voice that tore her apart.

She summoned her mana into her palms. Sending some into her staff, she let the rest go around her body. She wanted to frighten him. She wanted her face and her magic to be the last thing that he ever saw.

Fenris sneered.

And then they charged.

Nas ducked, avoiding his first blow. She turned sharply and whacked his back with her staff. He spun on his heel and swung his sword as he turned. Nas sent a wave of magic in front of her, narrowly avoiding the blow.

She jumped back. They faced each other once again, but this time they slowly walked around each other. She knew he was looking for a way to break her mana. And she was waiting for him to go into frenzy. When he frenzied, he was clumsy.

He raised his sword above his head, a threatening warcry escaping his lips. His body burned blue as he charged her. Nas raised her staff, anticipating he would hit high. She was wrong.

The hilt slammed into her stomach, sending her back.

"HAWKE!"

Nas raised her hand and Isabella ran straight into a force field. She cursed as Varric loaded Bianca. Nas sent her first spell at Fenris, sending him backwards in a wave of fire.

"Stay out of this!" she snapped at her friends.

Isabella glared at her, but Nas saw the worry in her eyes. Her companions stood together at the edge of the steps, watching her. Anders' eyes were full of tears, as were Merrill's. Nas swallowed back the lump in her throat as she turned away from them.

She swung her staff wide, creating a trail of bright light as she did so. With a cry, she sent it at Fenris. The elf jumped, avoiding the blow. Nas's eyes widened as he charged her again. She spun, but was too slow.

The blade caught her side, slicing cleanly through her armour.

Nas fell to her hands and knees, dropping her staff. It landed next to her with a clang.

"Nasara!" pleaded Merrill.

Nas felt her eyes tearing up. She wanted to tell them all that she loved them. She should have told them what they meant to her every single day - but she had been so stubborn. And now she would die with that regret, as well as many others.

She saw Fenris' feet in front of her.

Calling her mana to her, she managed to send a pressure wave forward, making him stumble.

Looking up, she saw them all watching her. She saw their sadness. They all looked like they did when she faced the Arishok, but this time she wasn't going to be so lucky. She sent them a look that hopefully conveyed everything she felt, everything she had never said.

_Please don't hate me for this._

Nas pulled at the mana inside her. She gathered it as quickly as she could; knowing Fenris wouldn't be stunned for long. Her hands started to glow a deep blue. The light got brighter and more intense. She couldn't hold the force field for much longer, and she knew her friends would cut Fenris down without a second thought.

But she needed to do this. She needed to face him. She needed to look into his eyes when he took her life.

Her hands trembled from the power that she held.

With a scream, Nas raised her hands and slammed them into the ground with all the force she could. The light swept over the floor and then it shot up. It towered over them until she and Fenris were caught in a bubble of burning blue light.

She panted. Each breath she took sent more blood onto the floor.

Shakily, Nas managed to push herself to her feet. Her legs were shaking and she felt her body sway, but she was going to face him. Looking up, she saw him watching her. He still had his sword drawn, but his eyes looked from her staff and then back to her.

"What are you doing?"

Nas blinked. "I give up. You win. Kill me."

He snarled.

"Pick up your staff and finish this," he seethed.

Nas shook her head. She put her hand to her side where the blood was flowing.

"Damn is Nasara, fight me! Or are you a coward?"

"I'm a coward. I can't fight you anymore, Fenris. I'd rather die than have your blood on my hands. So kill me, because I won't kill you."

He stood in silence.

The bubble raged around them. There was no way any of her friends could get through it, there was no way they would see them. She definitely couldn't hear them.

His whole body was frozen in a defensive stance.

Nas let her head fall forward. Her hair fell to the side of her neck, revealing her nape. Her legs gave out then, and she fell to her knees. She studied the cobblestones as she felt the emotions rippling through them.

She saw his feet move until they stood in front of her.

"Get up." His voice was so full of anger that he could barely whisper.

Nas shook her head. Fenris let out a roar, throwing his sword onto the floor in front of her. She frowned when she felt his hands claw into her arms. His markings were glowing bright than she had ever seen them, and they burnt through her robes. She felt the sting of them as they burnt into her flesh.

"LOOK AT ME!"

Nas looked up as he shook her violently. Her head was thrown so roughly, she felt her neck click.

His face was twisted and distorted into something so ugly and dark that she felt herself cringe. A tear fell down her face as he shook her again. With another road, he threw her forward. Nas landed heavily on the floor, smashing her head as she did so.

"Fight me!" his voice broke on the last word.

Nas lay in a daze as he turned away from her in the light of their bubble.

"Why fight me if you can't kill me?" she screamed, her own grief mingling with her anger.

He spun on his heel, his marking flashing. "Because I knew you would kill me! I wanted it to end... I can't live with this hate."

Nas managed to drag herself onto her knees once again.

"Well you thought wrong. Now KILL ME!"

He took two steps and dragged her onto her feet again. He put his hand on her chest just above her heart. His hand glowed like they did when...

Nas felt her heart skip a beat. She felt something warm trickle from her head. It was starting to fall over her forehead and down her eye.

Nas felt her body tremble and she watched him. It wasn't death that she feared, it was the pain. She saw the pain go through Fenris's victims' eyes when he crushed their heart. She felt her lip tremble. This wasn't how she wanted to die. This wasn't how she wanted her last goodbye to him to be.

"I love you," she whispered, so low she was sure he didn't hear.

A bead of sweat dripped slowly down his face as he stared at his own hand. Nas let out a small sob. It seemed to draw him from his trance. He looked into her eyes then. It was if he was seeing her for the first time. He looked at the burns up and down her arms. He looked at the blood dripping down her face. He looked at the wound on her side.

His eyes went wide, but he didn't let go.

She saw the conflict in his eyes. He didn't know what to do. She knew he was only moments from turning back into the monster. In one final, desperate attempt at something, Nas pushed herself forward.

She crushed his lips to hers, wrapping her arms around him so hard that he would have to pry her off.

His body was tense underneath her. Nas felt the debate still inside him.

And then in crumbled.

Fenris wrapped his arms around her stomach, pulling her closely into him that they were one. She felt his knees buckle and hers followed. They kneeled on the ground, but she never let go. His claws dug into her back, but she didn't feel the pain.

He kissed her so completely that he was all she was. He was her as much as she was herself.

The mana dissolved around them, but they never let go. Nas felt blood on her face, mingled with his sweat and tears. She heard her companions' silence as they took in the scene before them. She heard them walking over slowly, but she didn't care.

Fenris gently released his grip and ran his hand down her hip. Nas reluctantly unhooked her arms from him. She kept her eyes on his tear stained face. He reached into his armour and pulled put a leather strap. Pulling it roughly, he held it in his open palm.

Nas looked down and saw a small shimmering silver band, etched with blue veins. She looked up again and smiled, taking it. She slipped it gently on her finger, and leant into him once more. He took her in his arms and rested his cheek on her head. His clawed hand held that of her head as she heard him take in shaky breaths.

Of all the things that had happened that night, Nas never thought that gaining a soul mate would be one of them.

With tearful eyes, Nas looked up. Her companions stood over them, watching them with a mix of confusion, irritation and happiness. Nas gave them a small smile before burrowing her face into the warm body of her lyrium-carved elven warrior. A man that she was now bonded to forever. A man she would never let out of her sight again.


	14. Chapter 12  Part 3

A shooting pain soared through her chest. Nas gasped and swatted at the mage.

"Damn it, Anders!"

Nas was sure she saw amusement go through his eyes. He was enjoying it.

_That sick bastard. _

But she wasn't angry at him, she was just tried. Lying back down, she let Anders continue to work on her hip. She held a thin sheet over her breasts and front. He couldn't get to the wound with her robes on, so she had had to take them off.

Her eyes wondered over the walls. She had never been inside the Kirkwall Circle before, and she now realised that she wanted nothing more to leave. It was like a prison. After her fight with Fenris, he had carried her inside, amidst the glares from her friends. Orison had led them to a small bedchamber where Anders had told her to strip. Fenris had growled at the mage, but he only gave her a stern look.

Eventually, she had had to send Fenris out. He still had the blood rage going through him from their fight, and she knew he would gladly string the mage up to dry.

She still couldn't believe what had happened. Fenris had some back. He had chosen her.

Nas knew he would never accept her choice, but he followed her anyway. He would live and die for her, fight with her until the bitter end. Her heart dropped as she realised how close she had come to dying. He was ready to crush her heart.

And for a moment, she thought he was going to.

Anders' hand gently ran up and down her hip. She felt the tingle of his magic across her skin. Looking down, Nas saw the focus in his eyes. She was sad at the pain on his face. Even though he would now never admit it, she knew he loved her. In some part of her heart, she mourned what they would never have.

But she would never regret her choice.

As if sensing her eyes, Anders looked up. His eyes locked with hers and she pulled away. She saw his eyes go sad before he looked down again.

"You've made a mistake, you know. You should have killed him."

Nas's eyes narrowed. "Excuse me?"

"How can you forgive him for what he's done?"

"I could say the same about you."

Anders' eyes flashed as he looked up again.

"I did what I did for justice."

"Justice? The act, or the abomination?"

Anders clenched his jaws. She saw the anger in his face as he stared her down. He knew she was weak, but she would still kick his ass if he wanted her to. His face relaxed suddenly and he pulled away from her.

"You have a concussion but I healed the cut. Your hip should be fine too, but you need some sleep."

Nas put a hand on her hip. She felt the small risen mark that was the cut, but other than a ting scar there was no sign of their fight. And then she remembered.

Looking over at her bare shoulders, she saw his markings burnt into her skin. He had been in such a rage that he hadn't thought about how hot his markings could be – especially to a mage. Mages were sensitive to lyrium, and when it ignites it could burn them worse than a normal human.

She ran her hand over the burns. They were identical to those on his hands. Her skin was raised and red, and it hurt when she touched them. But a small part of her was glad for them. In some way, she bore his markings with him.

Anders made some kind of sound. Nas turned her head to see him scowling at her markings with disgust.

"Something to say, Anders?"

His eyes narrowed. His aura was flaring a deep green mixed with red. He looked like a fire.

"I think you're an idiot."

Nas's eyebrows went up in surprise. "Oh?"

"He's going to turn on you like a rabid dog and next time he won't be so merciful. A dog is only loyal to the master that gives it enough fresh meat."

Nas felt a smile tugging at her lips. Anders stood with his back to the door, and the mage hadn't noticed the figure behind him.

"You don't know much about dogs then, it seems."

Anders spun on his heel. Fenris gave him a stern look. He took a step towards the mage, and Nas was surprised to see Anders back away.

"But dogs have been known to turn on intruders."

Anders' face darkened. She thought for a moment he was going to fight the elf, but instead the mage turned to her. He was going to say something but thought better of it. He turned back to Fenris.

"She needs rest."

And then he was gone.

Fenris watched him leave. Nas found herself studying his back. His armour was scratched and some of his buckles needed tightening. His hair was sticking out and she saw his skin had blood smears. When he turned to face her, his face was tired.

There were black circles under his eyes and his face looked gaunt, as if he hadn't eaten properly in a while. His skin was pale, making his markings stand out prominently. Nas slowly sat herself up, pulling the sheet with her. He stood so still that he could have passed for a statue.

"Fenris?"

His big eyes looked at her. The green that drew her in wasn't bright anymore. He looked dull and lifeless. Nas felt herself swallow back tears. She hadn't noticed how he had been wasting away through the weeks.

She shakily got to her feet. He continued to stare at her face. She wrapped the sheet around her as she shakily took a few steps towards him.

When she was within arm's reach, she stopped. His eyes searched hers for something, but Nas only smiled gently. His jaw clenched as he tore his eyes away from her. He looked at her body. Slowly, he raised his hand.

Nas saw his fingers shake as he gently pulled the sheet away from her arms. As her burns became visible, she heard him suck in a breath. He didn't touch her skin, but he ran his armoured hands over the marks. His guilt hit her like a physical force. She looked back into his face and saw that water had gathered in his eyes.

His hand hovered over her skin, over her neck and over her head where it had been opened. The blood stain was still on her forehead, and it seemed to be all he could see.

"Fenris."

As she whispered his name, the elf took in another breath, but this time it was shaky. Nas reached out and touched his cheek. He kept his head down to hide it, but she felt the moisture on his cheek. Closing her eyes, Nas felt her mana flare in her chest.

It moved down her arm and into her palm. The light glowed softly against his cheek. As it touched the veins on his skin, the lyrium burst into light.

Fenris gasped again.

He looked up into her face. She didn't know what to say. She didn't have to say anything.

Fenris gently opened his arms and Nas took one step into them. He engulfed her and pulled her into his embrace. His lyrium made her skin tingle, but it didn't burn. Fenris kissed her nose, her cheek, her eyes. He made his way softly around her neck and up to her ear. As he planted a kiss on her lobe, she felt his breathing had deepened, as has her own.

"I'm yours."

Nas dropped her arms, letting the sheet fall to the floor. They were in the middle of a war. They could both be dead by morning, but in that moment, nothing else mattered. In that moment, only they mattered.

A young mage gave Nas some robes to wear, as her own had been ripped to shreds. She felt uncomfortable in them. Not just because they were pink, but because she felt like one of the Circle mages. She had been lucky enough to live a free life, and now she felt like she had been caught –even if she was still fighting.

The tower's supply of lyrium had been watered down and shared between the mages. Nas had been given a mug full, but she still felt drained and weak. Even sharing a precious hour with Fenris hadn't helped. Her head hurt. Her chest hurt. And she felt like her mana was being spread thinly.

A warm hand brushed the back of her neck. Nas smiled as Fenris walked past her. He didn't look back, but he didn't need to.

They were all in the biggest room of the tower – well, what was left of them anyway. Officially the room was the dining hall, but now it had become the hospital-recuperation room. Her companions were spread around the tower, preparing or the assault. According to a very brave mage, the templars were gathering outside the tower. It looked like they would be fighting for their lives in the dismal prison.

She rubbed her forehead. The pounding behind her eyes was becoming unbearable. She sat on a small bench by a barred window. Looking out, all she could see was darkness. It wasn't just the headache that was making her agitated. The mage that had braved going outside had told them that the assault was being led by a dark-haired man. She sighed.

It could be anyone.

But a feeling deep in her gut told her she was being childish.

Nas turned away from the window and leaned back. She saw Merrill sat in the corner with Varric. He was gently rubbing her tummy while she leaned back, her eyes closed. It damn near broke her heart bringing them two into a war. Merrill should have eating whatever took her fancy and growing fat. Instead she could be killed before dawn.

Her heart sank. The idea made the hair on the back of her neck stand on edge. Before she could totally fall into her despair, a warm hand touched her shoulder.

She looked up and saw Anders. She was going to make some snide comment when she saw the look on his face.

"What? Anders, what's wrong?"

"I need a hand, Hawke. And your magic."

Without a second thought, Nas nodded.

She followed the tired mage up stairs and around corners until they came to a small room. Anders opened the door to see it was a bedroom. Orsino was sat on the edge of a small bed. His hair was sticking out in a tired mess, and his face was drained of all colour. Nas looked down to see such a small figure lying motionless in the bed.

As she walked closer, she saw the little boy's face was wrapped in blood bandages.

Nas opened her mouth to speak, but she couldn't form words. As if sensing her shock, Anders turned to her sadly.

"His name is Aden. He was at the top of the tower with the other magelings. He looked out a window to see what was going on and the templars... they..."

Orsino suddenly got to his feet. "The fired an arrow at him."

Anders sighed heavily.

"You can guess the rest."

Nas felt tears come to her eyes. Without looking away, she walked over to the small boy. He couldn't have been any older than nine, maybe ten years old. His face was deathly pale and it seemed a miracle that his chest was still rising.

She sat gently on the bed. The bandage was wrapped around his right. His lifeblood was still seeping from the wound. Blinking back her grief, she looked back at Anders.

"What do you need?"

Anders looked relived. "I need your magic. The mages here have tried, but they haven't had as much time to develop their powers like you have. I need you to feed me your energy. The boy is deep in the Fade, and he doesn't have much time left. He'll lose his eye, but at least he'll have his life."

Nas nodded.

Anders nodded back and walked over to the boy. She watched as Anders gently took off the top layer of his robes, leaving just a thin layer of clothing over him. Nas looked away and back at the young boy. She suddenly found herself gently stroking the soft skin on his clean cheek. She had never dreamed that she would ever feel like this... motherly.

Nas stood up as Anders leant over the boy with both of his hands on Aden's chest. He turned slightly to her.

"Just put your hands on my shoulders. Keep your mana flowing into me. If you feel yourself getting weak, just let go. The connection will be broke."

Nas nodded sadly. He mimicked her, and then turned back to the boy.

She wiped her clammy hands on her robes before setting them gently on his shoulders. Before she could feel his muscles, Nas made herself close her eyes and focus on the young boy. She felt Anders shoulders tense as he started to heal Aden.

Nas called her mana to her. Slowly, she managed to get it to trail into his back. Anders shoulders twitched at first, and then she started to feel something else.

Under her fingers, it felt like... skin. It was soft, but there was something about it that made her heart jump. She felt it entwine around her mana, and it started to drag her powers into Anders. Nas felt her stomach drop, but she couldn't find the will to pull away.

Something was holding her hands, drinking the mana from her fingertips.

Before she realised what she was doing, her fingers were digging into him. Her breathing became shorter as the essence continued to drink from her. When it had all of her mana, it turned on her spirit. Nas felt herself gasp as it started sucking on her life energy.

Small black dots started to appear in her vision, but she still couldn't pull away from it. Whatever it was, it wasn't Anders. She felt something... wrong about it. It was almost... evil.

Her legs buckled and she hit the floor, but her hands were still grabbing at Anders's skin.

The sound around her became dim and her mind became foggy. The warmth from her hands was withdrawing as her feet became numb.

She barely felt it when something gripped her from behind. As the essence was ripped from her, she heard a kind of howling in her head. She landed heavily on something, but as she opened her eyes, she couldn't really see what. All she saw was black hair before the world around her disappeared.

The first thing that drew her from the Fade was shouting. She couldn't make out the words, but she recognised the voices. And that was what surprised her.

"It's still a demon!"

"No! What you traded your soul for – _that _ was a demon! Justice is a spirit! A benevolent, sympathetic essence!"

"An essence that fed on Nasara's life?"

It became silent. She felt the magic crackling in the air. Nas managed to force her eyes open, but her vision was still blurred. From what she could gather, they were in a different room. She was surprised to see what looked like Merrill standing in front of her. Anders was facing Merrill, but all she could see was his aura flashing dangerous colours.

"M... Me-"

A shooting pain ran through her chest. Merrill span on her heel and ran over to her. She dropped herself on the bed. Her dainty, cold hand touched her forehead, soothing her heated skin.

"Hawke... are you alright?"

Nas wanted to reply, but she couldn't find the energy. Her whole body felt as if it had been stripped of skin, rolled in salt and then sewn back on with a rusty needle. And then some.

She saw Anders move but Merrill turned her head. The elf raised her hand and something pulsed inside it menacingly.

"I suggest you leave, now. Before Fenris gets here."

Anders seemed to take the hint and he disappeared in a wave of black robes.

Merrill turned back to her. Nas's vision had become a bit clearer now, but she still couldn't focus on the elf's sweet face. Her tattoos had blurred together, making a black mark on her normally rosy cheeks.

"Merrill... what...?"

Her throat felt like sandpaper.

"Anders used your magic and his own combined to heal the little boy. Which worked. But... but whatever's inside him. Justice, he calls it. Well, he liked your magic a bit too much. Started to drink you dry. I came up to help, to find you dying by his feet."

Nas felt her eyes widen. She had never heard Merrill sound so... bitter.

"Thank you," was all she managed to say.

Merrill nodded. Suddenly, there was a crash so loud that Nas felt herself wince. She looked at Merrill questioningly. The elf looked at her, but her eyes were sad.

"The templars have started attacking the tower. So far, they've only just got inside but... I don't know how long we'll last, Lethellan." Her voice broke on the last word.

Nas saw Merrill's eyes fill with tears as she subconsciously rubbed her bump.

"I promise... I'll keep... you... safe."

Merrill smiled, but it was sad. "Please forgive me, Lethellan."

Nas frowned. It wasn't until she felt the cold biting of a blade in her shoulder that she realised why Merrill was crying. Nas sucked in a breath, but it was jagged. She wanted to scream at the pain, but she was too shocked to open her mouth.

Merrill pulled the blade out, spraying blood over her face. Nas felt the warmth oozing onto the sheets, but she couldn't move to stop it. She gave Merrill a confused looked. But the elf didn't meet her eyes. She got to her feet with the blade still in her hands. Nas heard her chanting in what she guessed was elvish.

She curled her hands around the blade and yanked down, spilling her own lifeblood onto the sheets. She looked back at the door before turning back to Nas.

Nas watched in a fascinated horror as Merrill draw the power from her own blood. The crimson life began to glow and raise, turning into a red smoke. It wrapped around Merrill's hand before whirling its way up her arm. Nas saw Merrill wince, but the elf began to lower her hand down to Nas's bleeding shoulder.

With one last look into her eyes, Merrill slammed the magic into her shoulder.

Nas felt a scream rip from her throat as the magic shot into her veins. She felt like her blood was boiling under her skin.

And then it was gone.

Nas lay panting on the bed. She felt sweat over her body, and her shoulder felt like someone had ripped it open with their nails. She felt herself trembling, but surprisingly, she felt... alive. Besides from her shoulder everything felt alive.

She sat up, letting the covers fall over her.

"Merrill!"

Nas tried to scramble from the bed but she got tangled. Falling onto the floor, she gathered the elf into her arms. Merrill's face was pale and her body was motionless. Nas lay her on her lap. She quickly put her hand on Merrill swollen stomach. Without a second thought, her mana flared into her palm. Nas sent it forward cautiously, afraid of what she might feel.

Something touched her mana then, a gentle touch. It was like a curious finger, but it made Nas smile.

"Baby..."

Nas ran a finger over Merrill's cheek. "Your baby's fine."

Merrill nodded before her body went slack again. At that moment, Fenris charged into the room. He stopped dead at the sight before them. Nas saw the dagger by Merrill.

"Help me get her onto the bed, she fainted."

Fenris nodded, rushing over. He helped Nas pick Merrill up just as Varric came running into the room.

Nas explained that Merrill had been feeling faint, and then she had collapsed.

"She must be exhausted," said Nas, kicking the dagger quickly under the bed.

Varric nodded, taking her hand. Fenris turned to Nas. She opened her mouth to speak when a vibration went through the tower, sending dust down from the ceiling.

"What's the situation?"

Fenris 's stony expression didn't change.

"Grim."

She nodded and looked at Varric. He nodded to them. She watched with a heavy heart as he kissed Merrill's forehead. He then leant down and kissed her stomach. Nas felt a tugging in her own stomach. She would never know what that felt like.

Varric got to his feet. "Let's go."

As the three of them ran down the steps into the Entrance Hall, the massacre in front of her made Nas's stomach turn. Templars slashed and hacked into mages that hadn't even hit adulthood. Some defended themselves well, but they were no mach.

Anders stood to the back, casting spell after spell at any templar he could hit. Aveline fought next to Isabella, crushing skulls with her sword. Isabella fought like lightning, running and hacking across the room like a crazed demon. But it wasn't enough.

Mages were falling quicker than they could cast spells. Orsino fought right in the middle. He was blood-stained and haggard. As each apprentice fell, his movements became more desperate. She saw him looking into the dead faces of the children he no doubt raised.

The few senior enchanters that were there were managing to keep the templars away from the doors leading into the main tower. Nas knew there were nearly twenty children in the top of the tower, and if the templars got through then they would all be butchered like animals. Anger started in her stomach, so raw and uncontrolled that her mana flared without being summoned.

With a furious cry, Nas raised her hands and threw a ball of fire into a big group of templars rushing through the doors.

Some caught alight and ran around screaming. Others jumped out of the way.

Fenris pulled his sword from his back and charged, but Nas stayed on the stairs. She drew her staff and filled it with mana. Throwing it forward, she hit a templar in the chest. Without looking at him again, Nas threw ball after ball of mana at any templar in her sight.

Calling her fire to her again, she raised it above her head. This time, she sent it down in a fire storm.

She threw spell after spell, freezing, burning and electrocuting the templars. She threw another spell, but it was weak, dissolving on impact. She lowered her staff and took a deep breath.

There was a sudden noise in front of her.

Nas looked up to see something shiny speeding towards her. With a cry she jumped to the side, landing awkwardly on her hand. She cried out, but didn't have time to stop. The templar charged her again, but she rolled away, falling down the steps.

The templar jumped forward and brought his sword down again. Nas raised her hands in defence, creating a small barrier. The sword hit it and bounced back, but Nas felt the blow as if it had actually hit her. She sent more mana into it, but it was slowly getting weaker.

He brought his sword down again, and it landed closer to her chest. She cried out.

There was madness in the templar's eyes as he raised the sword again. Bringing it down, Nas closed her eyes.

A metallic clang made her eyes fly open. She saw a thick sword hanging over her face, blocking the templar's blow. She turned and saw Fenris; his eyes were glowing from the light of his skin. He let out a snarl as he threw the templar back.

He jumped over Nas and charged the templar, slashing and hacking until the templar was in two pieces.

Nas got unsteadily onto her feet. She felt her mana in her chest, but it was tired. And so was she. Turning around, she saw Isabella stab the last templar under the arm. Orsino had made some kind of silver barrier at the door.

At the moment – they were safe.

Nas walked down one step and her knee buckled. She landed heavily on her rump. With a sigh, she put her head in her hands.

"Here."

Nas looked up. Aveline stood in front of her, holding out a small flask. She took it at brought it to her lips as the Guard-Captain took a seat next to her. Aveline was splattered with blood which contrasted against the paleness of her skin.

Taking a sip of the whiskey, Nas winced as it went down. She passed it back to Aveline who drank deep.

"Have you... heard anything from Donnic?"

Nas saw a flash of worry go across Aveline's green eyes. "No."

Nas nodded.

Aveline passed her the flask again. They watched as the mages gathered their dead. The dead templars were put with them also, creating a pile towards the back of the room. The floor was slick with blood. Many of the mages were crying, others looked too exhausted to cry.

But it was Orsino that caught her attention. He looked like a walking corpse. He went to every dead mage, closed their eyes and took an amulet from around their necks. He whispered a few words before nodding to the other mages to add the body to the pile.

Fenris walked over to the mages. She saw the confliction in his aura, but he helped carry the dead.

Taking another deep sip of the whiskey, Nas wiped her mouth. She left her staff on the steps while she walked over and helped clear the dead.

The next assault was far worse than the first. It seemed like no matter how many templars went down, two more were there to replace him. Nas's mana was depleted so all she could do was fight with her staff. She used the sword end to slash and hack as many as she could, but her arms were shaking.

Orsino had began screaming and throwing more mana than sense. He spat curses and laughed at every templar that fell. He was such a sight that one templar even tried to run away.

Merrill had come down but she was kept well back, and guarded by Varric.

Nas spun her staff around, smashing a templar over the head. She saw four mages flanking an apprentice.

"Isabella! To me!"

She turned to charge the group, when something made her blood run cold.

"Hello, Sister."

Nas spun on her heel and her heart dropped. Carver stood by the entrance with two templars behind him. His face was hard, but his eyes were sad. Nas watched as he slowly drew his sword.

"Carver... no..."

She shook her head, but the idiot advanced.

Carver was refreshed and full of energy, whereas Nasara had been fighting relentlessly for hours. He had the advantage over her as he swung his greatsword at her stomach. She danced back, but only narrowly avoided a gutting.

"Carver, this is crazy! What the hell are you doing?" she yelled, but he only snarled.

He swung at her again and she raised her staff to meet it. The force vibrated through the metal, making her wrists hurt. She saw blood rage in his eyes and knew she wasn't going to knock any sense into him while he had the advantage.

With more energy than she thought she had, Nas spun and raised her staff. It hit his blade, but Nas raised the blunt end, knocking him in the face. Blood sprayed out as he stepped back. He put his hand to his nose. As he pulled it away, Nas lowered her staff.

"I can't fight you, Carver. This is stupid! There's already a bloody war going on!"

He breathed heavily. "If you don't fight, then you die bloodmage!"

With a warcry, he ran forward again. Nas managed to raise her staff, but she wasn't strong enough to block the brunt of the blow. Her staff clattered onto the ground. She called whatever mana she had left and brought it to her hands.

She grunted as she threw a spirit ball at him. It hit him in the chest and threw him back, giving Nas a chance to get her staff.

Carver was relentless, charging her again and again.

Nas managed to push him back, but her attempts were weak. She saw him laugh as he shook off one of her spells. He swiped his sword at her, knocking the staff away.

She stood before him, weaponless and exhausted.

"What are you going to do, Carver? Kill me? Your only family?"

His eyes flickered wildly as she saw the hate within them.

"You are _not_ my family. You became my enemy the day you turned to bloodmagic. DIE, MALIFICAR!"

Nas gasped as he raised his hands. They turned white as he sent a force towards her. It hit her in the chest and raised her into the air. But it wasn't magic. It was the complete opposite.

The light didn't just drain her, it completely dissolved every bit of her magic. It wasn't sucking at her, it was absorbing her magic, drying her out. She felt her skin become so dry that it was cracking. Her lips split as her throat became parchment.

Suddenly, the light stopped.

Nas fell onto her knees. She felt the magic come back into her so quickly that it knocked the air from her lungs. Her lips were still dry, however, and they were bleeding.

She looked up to see a throwing knife embedded deeply in Carver's heart. He still had his hands in front of him, but his sword clattered to the ground. Nas whimpered as he suddenly fell backwards. She reached forward with her hands. Looking down, they were cracked too, and bleeding. But she didn't care.

Dragging herself forward, she managed to get close enough to him to pull his body around. She moved forward until his head rested on her lap. He coughed as a small line of blood dripped down his chin. And felt her lips shaking. A tear landed on Carver's cheek.

"Why?" she whispered.

Carver looked up at her. His body was shaking as he coughed and spluttered. His breathing was laboured, but he looked into her eyes.

"You're my sister... and I'll always love you for that... but I hate everything you are."

Nas sucked in a breath. A tear rolled from his eye. He held up his hand and Nas took it. His body convulsed as he coughed once more. His breathing against her became harder to do and then... it stopped.

He exhaled as his body went slack. Nas felt herself shake as sobs racked her body. She leant down onto his chest and cried against the cold of his armour.

"You idiot!" she screamed. She sobbed again. "Magic was in your blood! How could you! HOW COULD YOU!"

She shook his body, but he remained motionless. Something touched her shoulder and she looked up.

"I'm sorry, sweet... he was going to kill you."

Nas looked into the Rivaini's face. She had a gash across her cheek which was bleeding. Nas nodded and looked back down at Carver. Isabella leaned down next to her.

"I failed him, Isabella. He was my little brother and he... he hated me."

Isabella put a hand on her shoulder. "I know, precious. You did everything you could, but his mind was poisoned."

Nas felt another tear fall down her cheek. Isabella squeezed her shoulder and Nas looked at her. She was surprised to see tears in the pirate queen's eyes. Before she knew what she was doing, she lunged herself into Isabella's arms. The pirate seemed to expect it, wrapping her arms around her.

Nas leaned on her shoulder and cried like she had never done before.

Isabella rocked her slightly whilst gripping her tightly.

After a few minutes, she felt the weight of Carver's body being lifted from her lap. Isabella continued to hold her until the sobbing became whimpers.

Nas opened her eyes and pulled away. She wiped the wetness from her face. Isabella gave her a questioning look. Nas nodded. The pirate helped her to her feet where she saw all of her friends gathered around them.

Nas didn't looked at the as she walked over to what was to become the pyre. Carver's body lay amongst them. Another tear fell down her cheek as she leant down to him. She took his hand and saw a thick ring on his middle finger.

He had found the ring when they first came to Kirkwall. Maker, it seemed so long ago.

She kissed his hand as she took the ring. Standing up, she took a few steps back. She felt a figure come up behind her. Fenris wrapped his arm across the top of her chest. She leaned into him for support as they all gathered around the bodies. Orsino came forward as Nas put the ring on the right index finger.

"So many..." he whispered. He looked down and raised his hand.

Throwing the ball of flame into the pyre, Nas took a deep breath. The bodies were engulfed quickly. A young mage walked forward.

"Maker, take these souls to Your side and let them forever walk with You."

Fenris tightened his grip. Nas felt more tears come. She turned and buried her face in his neck. He wrapped his arms around her and held her for the few precious moments of silence that they had.


	15. Chapter 13

"We're like caged rats in this tower."

Nas rubbed her eyes. A mug was put down in front of her and she looked up. Varric gave her a sympathetic smile. He gently patted her shoulder before walking around. He took a seat next to Merrill. The elf wouldn't look at her. Nas understood why. She had used bloodmagic to heal Nas when she had been drained of nearly all her life. But Nas wasn't angry at her.

She didn't approve, but Merrill had saved her life and gave her enough energy to let her fight.

But they were all draining. The sun was rising over the broken city, and the templars hadn't started another assault. Aveline guessed they were probably regrouping and resting for another attack. The mages that were left were getting some sleep.

Orsino sat at the head of the big table, staring at the mug before him. Nas saw the emptiness on his face.

"First Enchanter?"

He looked up, but his eyes were distant. He blinked at her once before going back to staring at his mug.

"So what's the plan?" asked Aveline, drawing everyone's attention.

Nas looked at all their tired faces. They wouldn't last much longer, not without some kind of reinforcement – and there was no help coming for them. If anything, the templars would be more likely to get help.

"Well if they can't drag us out, they'll eventually smoke us out," said Anders, taking a drink from his mug.

Nas looked at the ring on her index finger. She twirled it around, trying to block out her grief. It wasn't working.

"Well we're all dead if we stay in here," said Isabella.

"We're dead if we go outside," added Varric.

"The best thing to do will be staying in the tower. This place was built as a prison, and there's only one way in and out. We can defend ourselves and keep them at bay-"

"For how long?" demanded Anders. "Eventually there'll be no one left to defend! As soon as one templar gets behind us, we're done for. It only takes one to open the back doors."

"Then what do we do? Just go out and be shot down before we even leave the front door?" spat Aveline.

"That's exactly what we'll do."

All eyes turned to Nas. She didn't look up from the ring, but she knew they were all watching her.

"What?" asked Anders and Aveline at the same time.

"Well we can't stay because eventually we'll fall, and well, we can't really leave. We need to get as many of the magelings out as we can. Me, Anders, Merrill and the other mages will combine our magic to make a shield which will get us out the door. Then we give them hell, making a distraction to get the younglings out and to Isabella's ship. As soon as their clear, whoever's left will make a break for it."

"So we just run?" demanded Aveline.

Nas looked up then. She narrowed her eyes at the Guard-Captain.

"Do you see any other option, Aveline? They've got reinforcements coming, Meredith said so herself. If we don't get out then we'll all be killed."

Aveline looked down as if she was remembering something.

"A good warrior knows defeat... alright Hawke, we'll try it your way."

Aveline pushed her seat back and stormed away from the table. A young mage-girl who was sat by Orsino looked at Nas.

"When shall we get the younglings ready to move, serah?"

"Give the others a couple of hours to-"

"Hawke!"

Nas turned her head to see a man running into the room. Everyone got to their feet.

"Messere! There attacking!"

Nas felt her shoulder slump, but she started forward at a jog. They all ran into the entrance hall where the mages were gathered, staffs drawn. Nas stood with them as she heard the commotion down the narrow entrance hallway.

The silver barrier was shimmering in front of them. Nas turned to Orsino and nodded. The First Enchanter waved his hands, turning them silver. The barrier disappeared as a templar flew forward. He landed heavily on the floor.

Nas looked up to see the fight by the doors. And she froze.

Next to her, Aveline dropped her sword. She watched as the red head sprinted forward towards the orange armour-clad man. He turned in time to catch Aveline mid-jump. Donnic embraced his wife and kissed her as desperately as she kissed him.

Nas saw there were at least twenty other members of the guard with Donnic, and they were all blood-stained. Donnic out Aveline down, but never let her go.

"It's a massacre out there. Meredith's got the templars searching houses, looking for any families sheltering 'bloodmages'. Those that she finds... well..."

Donnic looked down before taking a sip of his pint.

Nas nodded as Aveline gently squeezed his arm. The guards had been given food and most were getting some well deserved shut-eye. Nas had explained their plan and Donnic agreed. He told them that the templars had made their base in the Gallows by the Order's building.

"Alright, well. Everyone get something to eat and try and get some sleep. Keep me posted if anything changes."

Aveline nodded at her as Nas got to her feet.

She wearily made her way down the hall. She opened one door to find a guard passed out in full armour. She just closed the door and opened another. Thankfully, there was an empty bed in there. Without bothering to take off her shoes, Nas leant her staff against the wall. She fell onto the bed and was asleep before her head touched the pillow.

Sometime later, she heard someone come into the room. They didn't speak so she didn't move. She heard something being put on the floor. Turning slowly, she saw the back of Fenris as he took off the top layer of his armour. Not bothering with the rest, he walked over to the bed.

Nas shuffled over enough for him to fit on. He climbed into the covers and wrapped his arms around her. She lay with her back against his chest. His arm was under her head and she reached up to take his hand. She smiled as she noticed the small red ribbon wrapped around his wrist.

"You never took it off."

"Hmm?"

"After all these years, you never took it off."

She tugged at the ribbon. Nas felt him chuckled light at her back.

"Never."

She sighed in contentment as he pulled her closer. Wrapped in his warmth, Nas found herself falling back into the Fade.

All too soon, Nas was roused by a knock on the door. She felt Fenris get out of the bed. She turned to see him nod at the person at the door. He closed it and turned back to her.

"Is it time?" she asked sleepily.

The elf nodded. She watched as he ruffled his hair and yawned. It was the first time she had seen him so relaxed in years. Together they got up. They sheathed their weapons and turned towards the door. Nas reached out to turn the knob when she felt Fenris take her hand. He turned her around. She watched as he twirled the ring on her wedding finger.

"I can't help but dread this. I can't... I can't bear the thought of living without you."

Nas wrapped her fingers around his.

"You won't."

He looked deep into her eyes. "Wherever you go, I follow Hawke. Forever."

Nas read the meaning in his words. He would follow her anywhere, even if it meant to the Maker Himself.

"I know. And I, you."

She pulled him towards her. He took her face into his hands and kissed her gently. She slowly ran her nose against his with her eyes closed, taking in a brief moment of comfort.

There was suddenly another knock on the door. They pulled away, and this time, Nas opened the door. A young mage stood before them. She couldn't have been older than sixteen, maybe seventeen.

"The templars are readying, serah."

Nas nodded. "Then let's go."

They followed the young mage back into the entrance hall where their meagre forced had gathered. In the corner was a group of children. They all wore robes and cloaks. Some of the older ones were holding babes in their arms.

Nas felt her heart sink at the sight of them. So young. So frightened.

Orsino came up to her. He looked even worse than before.

"We're ready as we'll ever be, Champion."

Nas nodded. "Then gather the mages."

Within minutes, everyone was gathered at the bottom of the steps. Nas stood with Fenris and Isabella by her side as she spoke.

"All the mages besides the younglings will stand with me. We'll put our mana together and make a shield which should get us out into the open. Archers will fire from behind us. When we're out, we'll break the shield. Swords will charge then and distract them long enough to get the children out of sight and onto Isabella's ship. Once on there, hide. If no one else comes within an hour, then haul anchor and get the hell out of here. Understood?"

All the faces nodded grimly. Nas nodded with them. She turned to Merrill.

"Merrill, you'll lead the children to the ship with Varric."

"What! No-"

"This isn't up for debate, Merrill. Or you Varric. Just please do as I ask."

Merrill's eyes became big as Varric's face got a rosy tinge to it. She knew they wanted to fight, but if there was anyone besides Fenris that she wanted to get out – it was them.

"Gather what supplies you can. We leave in ten minutes."

The group parted with grim faces. Nas didn't have the energy for inspiring speeches. She was going to die tonight, or she was not. It was that simple, and no amount of words would make it any easier. She found her own pack in the corner. Looking inside, she found the small glass butterfly. For some reason, she put it in her pocket. She wanted it close to her.

Swinging the pack on her back, she fastened it tightly.

Suddenly, there was a huge crash. The whole tower shook, making some of the younglings scream.

The door burst from its hinges and templars spewed in.

"Shit!"

Nas grabbed her staff from the steps and ran up with the rest of them. She called her mana to her and flung a fireball in the middle of them, scattering them. The guards and her companions rushed into the battle.

A templar archer fired an arrow. Nas shouted as she saw it just miss Isabella's head. She threw an ice ball at the archer, freezing him where she stood. Aveline rushed up to him and with an almighty blow, shattered him.

Isabella winked at Nas before jumping back into the fray.

More templars spilled into the tower. It was soon so crowded that there was at least three templars to every mage. Nas span her staff, hitting a templar in the side. As he bent down she brought her foot into his face. He fell backwards and Nas stomped a foot on his chest. With the blunt end of her staff, she brought it down as hard as she could on his windpipe, crushing it.

She saw Anders was around the back of them and closest to the front doors.

"Anders! Close the doors-"

Something smashed across her back. She grunted and flung forward, but was luckily caught by a guard. She nodded at him and turned, throwing a lightning bolt at the templar who had knocked her. She looked up and saw Anders running to the door.

"Anders!"

She spun her head around to see Isabella throwing a knife at a templar who was running after him. The dagger bounced off the templar's armour and Isabella cursed loudly. Nas drew her magic to her, but she couldn't get a clear shot.

Suddenly there was an explosion of blue light. She saw Fenris charge behind the templar, inhumanly fast. With one swipe, the templar fell. Both men managed to pull the doors closed. Anders made a thin shield in front of it. They looked at each other briefly before throwing themselves back into the battle.

Nas fought her way to the steps, swiping any templar within distance.

As she got a foothold, there was a cry from the edge of the fight. She looked up to see Orsino running over to a child in the corner.

It was Aden.

He was holding a small ball magic. With a red face, he managed to send it at a templar. It didn't catch and the templar turned on the boy.

"NO!"

Orison threw such a ferocious ball of magic that the templar was disintegrated. Orison ushered the boy back. He turned to the fight. Most eyes were on him.

"YOU WANT BLOODMAGIC!" he screamed hysterically. "THEN HERE'S YOUR BLOODMAGIC!"

He grabbed a sword from the floor and with a cry, thrust it into his own stomach.

"No! First Enchanter!"

But it was too late. Blood surrounded the First Enchanter. He disappeared behind a mask of uncontrollable power. Nas felt the Veil tear as if it had cut her skin. All the air was sucked from her lungs as Orsino was distorted. She felt the presence enter his body. It was evil. Pure evil.

The light faded and what was once First Enchanter Orsino was revealed.

A demon so hideous stood before them, that the fighting stopped. Whatever the thing was, it was at least ten meters high. Its skin was thick and dirty. Nas felt her stomach drop.

A brave templar rushed it – out of bravery or stupidity, she wasn't sure.

The demon raised its fist and brought it down again, crushing the templar like he was nothing more than a piece of parchment. Panic spread through the group as people screamed. Templars rushed the monster while some took advantage of the distraction.

Chaos broke lose as templar fought mage, mage fought monster. The monster crushed anything in its way.

"Get back!" screamed Nas, urging the mages back. A young mage was unfortunate to be in the monster's way. He let out a gurgling scream as he was crushed.

Nas threw a fireball at it, but the monster didn't even look like it felt it.

Isabella run up to her.

"How the hell do we kill _that_?"

Nas bit her bottom lip. She studied the monster as best as she could through the chaos. A templar slashed at its legs. The monster's body was huge compared to its small legs.

The monster let out a howl which shook the tower.

"Go for the legs! BRING IT DOWN!"

She wasn't shouting at anyone in particular. Just anyone who listened.

Immediately, the majority – templars and mages – aimed for its legs. They hacked at them, threw magic, fired bolts.

The monster screamed and flailed its arms, but it couldn't handle the assault. It fell onto its front with a huge crash. One unlucky templar wasn't quick enough.

"Kill it!" shouted Nas.

She ran and jumped onto its back, stabbing the sword point of her sword into it. The monster screamed and moved, throwing Nas onto the floor. She landed with a grunt on her hip. Wincing, she was pulled onto her feet by s guardsman.

Looking up, she saw Varric fire a bolt into its eye just as Aveline stabbed her sword into its neck. It gave out one last piercing cry before it finally went limp.

The room was silent.

Nas looked around at the stunned faces. From the amount that had charged in, there were only a handful of templars left in the room. Nas gathered her mana to her and caught Isabella's eye. The pirate nodded and slowly made her way forward.

One of the templars realised that the mages' defences were down and turned to rally his comrades. He stopped short when Isabella's dagger was put against his throat.

The mages turned and aimed their staffs at the templars.

The templars looked at each other briefly before there was a crescendo of weapons clattering against the floor.

Aveline and Donnic rounded up the templar prisoners with some help from their comrades. They took them down to the basement and locked them in with some water.

Nas helped Anders and a few other healers tend to the wounded.

When she finally found a moment to sit down, she took a deep drink from a waterskin that had been given to her. Her mana was sore and tired, as were her limbs.

"You alright?"

Nas nodded tiredly, chucking the waterskin to the Rivaini.

Isabella took a seat next to her and took a long drink. She wiped her mouth on her arm and looked into the entrance hall.

"Do you think they've got enough spunk to do this?"

Nas looked at them and sighed.

"Probably not. But we don't have much choice. There's a one hundred percent chance that we'll die in here, and a ninety nine percent chance we'll die out there."

Isabella laughed humourlessly. "I'll take a chance wherever I can get one."

"Hail to that."

Nas took another sip. She saw Isabella look down and shift uncomfortably.

"Hey Hawke, I –"

"I think we've known each other long enough for you to call me by my name, Isabella."

The pirate queen smiled.

"_Nasaraelia_, then."

Nas winced, making Isabella smile.

"Nas, I just wanted to tell you something."

Nas raised an eyebrow. "Oh? This should be good, then."

Isabella smiled shyly and nudged her.

"I'm trying to be sincere, here."

"Oh, right. Sorry."

She chuckled. "I just wanted to thank you, for everything. You had my back when we faced the Qunari and you've never let me down. If tonight's my last night, I just want you to know that... that I'm proud to have known you. I'm glad to have been your friend."

Nas gently put her hand on Isabella's knee. "Me too."

The Rivaini patted her hand. With an uncomfortable cough, she got to her feet.

Nas slowly followed her into the grim-looking group. She walked up a few stairs to get their attention.

"It's now or never. I don't know about you, but I don't want to die trapped in a cage. If any mages have the energy, join me by the door. The rest of you, follow the plan."

She nodded at Merrill, who slowly nodded back.

Nas flitted a look at Fenris, who gave her a look so full of different emotions, it made his aura flare rainbows.

As she walked down the stairs, Anders turned and joined in behind her. The further she got in the crowd, the more mages joined in behind her.

When she reached the front doors, every mage that wasn't severely wounded was standing behind her.

Nas felt a stir of pride as she looked at them. They were all young. They were all scared. But they were here. They were going to fight.

"OK, right... what you need to do is centre your mana in your palms and then spread it out, like this."

Nas put her hands together and slowly opened them until they were at her side.

"And then you need to make your mana touch the ones next to you. It'll be strange and uh... invasive, but it needs to be done. You need to make your mana join with the person next to you, else the shield won't hold. OK?"

There were a few nervous nods.

"Alright, let's give it a go."

After a few tries, they managed to get a thin shield going. The more they tried, the stronger it became. When Nas was satisfied that it was going to hold at least one wave of arrows, she raised her hands.

"Alright. Is everyone ready?"

She looked behind her to see what remained of their small force. Aveline and Donnic were right behind her, along with Fenris and Isabella. Anders was at her side. Merrill and Varric were at the back with the younglings.

She took a deep breath and turned to face the doors.

"Shield up."

The mages called their mana to them and spread them out, as did Nas and Anders. She waited until it felt strong enough to hold.

"It'll be scary facing them with your arms wide, but remember! There is a shield in front of you, and you cannot be hit! If this shield breaks, many of us could die! Stay strong! Stay brave!"

With one last breath, Nas raised her foot and kicked the door.

It flew open and sunlight blared into their faces. For a moment they were blind and the shield wavered.

"Keep it together!"

She felt the shield get stronger under her fingers. As their eyes adjusted to the light, Nas looked at the sight before her. Lining the bottom of the stairs, in perfect rows - were templars. In all, she guessed about fifty.

The shield wavered again.

A masked templar raised his hand with two fingers up. Nas realised what he was going to do.

"Stay strong!"

He brought his hand down. The first row of templars raised their bows and fired. Nas winced as zoomed towards them. She felt her heart drop but she sent her fear into her mana.

Opening her eyes, she saw the shield was still holding - barely.

"Move forward, slowly!"

The mages took a steady step forward as the archers launched another volley of arrows. This time, not so many of them flinched.

Nas felt her arms starting to shake from the pressure of holding up the shield. She saw the other apprentices' faces becoming strained and pale. She knew they weren't going to hold out for much longer.

She briefly looked behind her. Aveline had her shield raised, as did her comrades. Those who didn't have a shield stood behind those who did.

Nas looked at Anders. He gave her a grim look of determination.

"Get ready to push the shield forward. Just throw it away from you with all your might," she told the apprentices. She didn't want to shout to distract the templars. Hopefully they all heard her.

"One... two... THREE!"

Nas threw her mana forward with all her might. Thankfully, the magelings did the same. The wave of mana slammed into the templars with a _crash_, sending them flying backwards.

"Scatter!" boomed Aveline from behind.

The line of mages broke, taking cover as their small force charged in from behind them.

Nas called her mana to her, prepared to throw a fireball at the group when something grabbed her arm. She felt something tear in her shoulder as she crashed onto something squishy. She looked down and saw Anders beneath her. It was an... uncomfortable sight.

"What the hell?"

But her question was answered as a volley of arrows landed in the spot she had just been standing in.

With a scoff, Nas got to her feet. She rolled her shoulder and winced. Before Anders could touch her, she ran forward to where Fenris was hacking into a small group of templars. With difficulty, Nas raised her arms. She called her mana to her, creating an ice storm above her head.

With a cry, she threw it into the scrapping group.

It exploded in a wave of icy wind. The shards span out, hitting other templars anywhere they could find a chink in the armour. Nas gasped as she felt her mana convulse in her chest. It sent a wave of sharp pain through her veins. She bent over and tried to catch her breath, rubbing the spot above her breasts where it sat.

Nas saw Fenris standing motionless in the middle of an ice explosion. Snow and frozen corpses lay all around him, but he remained untouched, a small circle of clear stone under his feet.

She caught his eye and tried to smile, but another shock went through her.

She really was spreading her magic thin. Soon she would be running off her own life force.

Fenris took a step towards her, a soft look on his face. Part of her wanted to feel his touch, but the other wanted to join the fray. Suddenly, a blur ran across her vision and slammed straight into her life mate. He was flung through the air like a rag doll before landing in a crumpled heap.

"FENRIS!" she screamed.

Before she could take a step, the blur stopped right in front of. Nas felt her stomach drop as she stared into icy blue eyes.

"And here we are, Champion. At long last."

Nas felt her jaw clench.

"I imagine you've been wanting to be rid of me for a some time."

She snuck a look at Fenris while the Knight-Commander was smiling smugly. He was still unmoving.

"I bear you no ill will. You've done this to yourself."

Nas couldn't suppress a sarcastic snort. She became aware that the battle had died down and most of the templars had gathered behind their master. The mages who weren't mortally wounded were now gathering near Nas.

"You were never part of the Circle, and I tolerated that, but in defending them you've chosen to share their fate."

"Knight-Commander," said a deep voice from behind her. A face she recognised walked forward.

"I thought we intended to arrest the Champion?"

Meredith's eyes darkened at the sight of her second in command.

"You will do as I command, Cullen."

"No," he boomed. "I defended you when Thrask started whispering you were mad. But this is too far."

"I will not allow insubordination! We must stay true to our path!" shouted the Knight-Commander, her voice edging on hysteria. She reached behind her and took the dark hilt of her sword.

As soon as Meredith touched it, Nas felt the prickle of magic on her skin. But it wasn't a good sensation. It felt dirty on her, wrong somehow. It was like the prickling before the pain of a burn kicked in.

Meredith flung her sword forward and pointed it at Cullen... and Nas felt her jaw drop.

The Knight-Commander turned to Nas, a wicked smile on her face.

"You recognise it, do you not? Pure lyrium, taken from the Deep Roads. The dwarf charged a great deal for his prize."

It all came back to her, every last bit. The way she felt in the Deep Roads when she was surrounded by the poisoned lyrium. When she was trapped down there, it continuously gave her a headache as if she was breathing in toxin, and now it was right in front of her. She felt sick.

Meredith laid the blade before her and ran her hand lovingly over it. The blade was almost as long as Nas herself. The red lyrium lit up at her touch and followed her hand like a loyal puppy.

"All of you, I want her dead!" cried Meredith, raising her sword to Nas.

Nas flinched as the lyrium came close to her. She knew deep down to her very soul that she _never _wanted to touch that lyrium.

"Enough! This is _not_ what the Order stands for. Knight-Commander, step down. I relieve you of your command!" demanded Cullen.

Meredith's face became a mask of shock. And then her eyes narrowed. She looked around wildly.

"My own knight-captain falls prey to the influence of bloodmagic. You all have! You're all weak, allowing the mages to control your minds, to turn you against me!"

She waved her sword around crazily. Nas took a step back, as did some of the templars.

"But I don't need any of you! I will protect this city myself!"

Meredith gave Nas one last hateful look before she raised her sword. Nas threw a weak shield around herself, but Meredith turned the sword downward. With a grunt, she smashed her sword into the ground. Templars and mages alike gasped as the sword went through the stone like butter.

The lyrium burst into life, sending a wave of heat over Nas's skin. Red veins ran through the ground while bright red light engulfed the Knight-Commander. It seeped into her mouth, her nose, her ears. Meredith breathed it in while her skin became blackened.

"Blessed are those who stand before the corrupt and the wicked and do not falter!" cried the crazed Commander.

As she looked up, Nas gasped.

No longer was she looking into the blue eyes of a human. Now she faced a monster corrupted with eons of poisoned magic.


	16. Forgiven and Forgotten

_Her life had never meant much. Not really. She was no one special when she was born. The daughter of an apostate that wielded magic many would kill her for, and more would kill to wield. She was raised poor, always running. But she had her family. Once._

_And now they were dead. And here she stood - a Champion. She faced an enemy that others would piss themselves in front of. But she had no family this time. _

_The ones she was supposed to protect had fallen under her command. The sister she had raised had been broken. The mother she should have protected was torn apart by bloodmagic. And the little brother she should have loved had died trying to kill her. _

_Where had she gone so wrong?_

Her mana trickled weakly down her arms as she jumped back. The lyrium infused sword swung just inches past her stomach. She felt the essence of the old magic against her skin. It made her arms prickle. Suppressing a shudder, Nas found herself stepping backwards to avoid Meredith's hysterical swings.

She looked to the side, but the dark heap that was her bonded lay motionless.

Nas let her mana become spirit force around her hands. With a cry, she threw it at Meredith. The Knight-Commander simply brushed her hand in front of her. Bright red lightning surrounded her as it absorbed Nas's spell. Nas gasped.

"What the –"

But she didn't have a chance to finish. Meredith's sword came crashing towards her. Nas saw it coming closer to her face, but for the first time she could remember, she flinched. The power of the magic made her entire body tremble. She was terrified of it, and it froze her.

She closed her eyes like a coward as the sword levelled with her cheek.

Suddenly, there was a crash. Her eyes flew open and her heart jumped at the sight before her.

Fenris stood awkwardly with his sword raised inches from her face. Meredith's sword was caught, but it only stopped her onslaught momentarily. Fenris cried out and his markings flared as he pushed her forcefully back. The Knight-Commander stumbled, giving Fenris a chance to push Nas back. She saw him wince as his hand came up to his right side.

She gasped as she saw red spill between his fingertips. She rushed forward to help him, but he was already charging Meredith.

"Fenris – no!"

She watched in horror as Meredith swung her sword to his bad side. She called her mana as quick as she could and launched it in the Knight-Commander's direction. Fenris parried and turned in time to miss the fireball that would have caught him in the chest.

It hit Meredith, but only staggered her.

She hadn't noticed what all her companions and the templars had been doing until she felt the ground beneath her shake.

She looked up and felt the colour drain from her face.

Standing ten men taller than her, was a statue. It was a statue of the Knight-Commander, and it was made completely of bronze... but it was standing before her. It raised its leg above her, and Nas realised just in time what it was going to do.

She cried out and lunged herself to the right, avoiding being crushed by a huge bronze foot.

She scrambled to her feet in time to see that there wasn't just the one statue.

Three huge Meredith's stomped around the Gallows courtyard. They were being attacked on all sides by templars, magics, arrows and swords. But it wasn't enough to bring them down. Somehow Meredith's sword had given her a kind of magic. She seemed to be absorbing the lyrium.

"Fuck, THIS!" With a scream, Nas let her anger ripple through her.

She was tired of fighting. Tired of seeing her friends bleed. Just so tired of Kirkwall.

She brought her hands above her head. Her mana cracked and rippled through her arms, lighting up her whole body. She pulled on every last bit of strength that she had, drawing it into her hands.

It lashed around her so fiercely that she felt her hair being lifted into its current. She must have looked a sight. A dirty, bloody mage standing with her hair whipping about wildly. Oh, and holding enough magic to blow up...

_Ah, not funny. _

Nas felt the last of her mana being pulled from her chest, making her feel cold. She saw through the magic that one of the statues was standing over Merrill. The bloodmage was fighting as well as she could, but she looked tired. Her innocent face was deathly pale, and she looked like she was about to collapse.

"DIE!"

Nas threw her mana forward with so much force that she fell onto her hands and knees. The world went white as the magic hit that statue.

She breathed heavily as the light disappeared. She didn't see the statue fall, but she heard the crash and felt the ground shake from its weight. Her body was so drained that she felt her arms shaking just holding her body up.

Her breathing was slow and her eyes were heavy, but she couldn't stop. The battle raged around her, people were dying. Meredith was still going. There was so much to do...

Her arms buckled, sending her crashing onto the floor. She didn't even have the energy to turn her head. Her nose came in direct contact with the solid ground. She hissed as she felt something crack. The warmth of her blood spread down her lips and chin as she lay in a heap.

The sounds around her started to dim. All she could concentrate on was the sound of her breathing. She felt the blood starting to make a pool under her face. It was warm, and disgusting, but she couldn't move. Even breathing was becoming a struggle.

There was a muffled sound somewhere close to her. She vaguely recognised it, but her mind was too foggy with exhaustion to really understand it.

As her eyes started to close, she heard the sound again. This time, she felt a tugging in her stomach. She was hunched over awkwardly, and her nose was still bleeding, but she definitely heard something. Nas forced her eyes open, but she couldn't see straight.

The sound started again, but this time it was louder.

It was familiar somehow. She recognised it. Slowly, she brought her hand to her face. She tried to wipe away blood from her lips, but instead she felt it smear across her face. She let her arm drop as she blinked again.

"HAWKE!"

Her eyes widened as the sound became words that screamed panic. They screamed fear. And they belonged to Fenris.

Biting her tongue, Nas found herself lifting her head. Blood dripped from her chin, but she didn't care. Fenris was being flanked by Meredith. He was scratched, bleeding and panting. Anders was trying to get to her, but he was being blocked by a statue.

All she could see was chaos, and her vision was still coming in and out of focus. But she saw the look on his face. It was something she had never seen before. He was truly afraid.

Nas sucked in a few breaths, trying to brace herself for what she was about to do. She started by putting her arms in front of herself. Her hands gently felt the cold stone beneath her. The stone was smooth, but uneven. The texture helped her focus, setting her vision straight.

Before she could change her mind, Nas grit her teeth. She took three short breaths before forcing her arms to push her body up.

They trembled dangerously. At first she thought that she was going to fall back down, but the more breaths she took, the steadier she became. She moved slowly - painfully slowly. Nas tried to keep her eyes focused on getting to her feet. But as she got her feet under her, securing herself in a kneeling position, she found her eyes drifting up.

Her breathing was laboured and sweat was beaded over her face.

The battle continued to rage around her, but Meredith had jumped back from the fight. She stood on a platform by the steps. The red lightning soared in and around her, as she rested on one knee. Nas looked through the mass of bodies and broken rubble to find Fenris.

She gasped as she saw him. He was barely standing, leaning against a fallen pillar. Anders was fighting his way over to the elf, but he looked exhausted. His robes were torn and blood dripped from somewhere on his head. Nas wanted to call out to him, but she couldn't focus on more than getting to her feet.

She reached out to the wall just to her left. Her hands couldn't clasp anything, but she managed to use it to push herself unsteadily to her feet.

Her legs trembled and she found herself leaning against the wall. Her head was swimming and her breathing was shallow, but Nas kept her eyes focused on Fenris and Anders. She tried to swallow her saliva to line her dry throat, but the effort made her tongue go heavy.

A templar ran past where she was standing. Nas felt her heart jump as he turned his head and looked straight into her eyes. She had no energy to defend herself, and he could run her through more easily than butter. Three terrifying heartbeats went by as the templar stared her down. He seemed to be thinking about what he should do.

Finally, he turned from her and ran along the rubble until he disappeared somewhere beyond the Gallows.

Nas let out the breath she was holding.

As her body trembled from the shock, Nas looked back up into the battle. Fenris was fighting beside Anders, and both men were struggling to gain any advantage over the possessed Knight-Commander.

Nas let out a cry as Meredith's blade came close to Fenris's neck. She held back her terror as the elf dodged the blow.

But it was close. Too close.

Anger swirled in her empty chest as frustration burned in her cheeks. Nas turned her head, looking for some kind of help. Some kind of hope. Just anything.

And then she saw the body of a dead templar, and the little wheels in her mind began to spin.

Templars and lyrium usually went hand-in-hand. Gritting her teeth, Nas found herself limping towards the templar corpse.

The force of the spirit bolt tore through a templar, but fell short of Meredith. He cursed under his breath, calling his mana forth once more to try and sate the Knight-Commander's madness.

_She is too far within the Old Magic's reach. You must seek to distract her._

The thought came to him easily, and it was a sensation he had come to recognise as the Justice within him.

He ignored the comment, swinging his staff in front of him. It connected to the templar's head with a sickening crunch. Anders spun on his heel, the small victory having no impact on the chaos around them. He found himself scanning the decimated Gallows for a flash of blonde hair, but he was cut short.

The blade came quickly to his right side, giving him no time to react.

Tensing his body for the blow, Anders was surprised to hear the clashing of metals. He saw the elf throw the templar back with a grunt. He watched in amazement for a few moments as Fenris attacked the templar. He was protecting his left side. When he threw the templar down, Anders saw that Fenris was bleeding from a wound to his left hip.

Feeling some kind of guilt deep in his stomach, Anders conjured a small ball of shimmering blue light. He gently threw it at Fenris, who flinched as the magic touched him. The elf's skin absorbed the healing energy, and Anders saw him breath out as if relieved.

Fenris gave him a sharp nod before slowly turning back towards the battle.

And that's when he saw it. The scene played before him so quickly that he thought his brain had sped up. And yet, it was so slow that Anders felt his limbs become stone.

The elf turned, only to be met with Meredith's fist.

He was knocked to the ground, where his head connected with a jagged rock. His body became limp as the Knight-Commander let out a furious cry. She raised her sword above her head in such a grand motion that the magic fizzled and popped around her.

Anders' mind became slow and dumb from the shock of seeing a flash of blonde hair.

He watched in horror as Nas screamed. She must have been running from the speed at which she threw herself atop of the elf.

As her body engulfed his, Meredith's blade came soaring down.

The world stopped as a cry was ripped from his throat. His anguish was echoed by each and every one of his friends. But it was too late. Meredith moved too fast, and he not fast enough.

The tip of the sword embedded itself in the crook of the Champion's back.

Her head whipped up in surprise as she sucked in a pained breath.

There was a crescendo of screams as every ounce of strength, mana and will was thrown at the Knight-Commander. The force was so great that it threw Meredith high into the air, but not before she had ripped her blade from Nas's back.

Sounds became dim as Anders lunged towards his Champion.

Her whole body was convulsing as blood was being pumped through her wound and down her back. He grabbed her arms and yanked her body from the unconscious elf's. He had summoned his magic before the thought had even gone through his head. He put his hand to the wound her on her back. His stomach turned as he felt her lifeblood seeping through his fingers.

He turned her around, resting her body on his lap.

A small clink caught his attention. He looked up to see a small clear phial rolling from her hands. There was just a small blue trace left in the bottom.

Anders put his hand onto her front where the tip had come through. His healing magic materialized in his palm and he lowered it to her chest.

Suddenly, her body jerked up violently. Her amber eyes were thrown open as a blood-curdling scream tore from her pale lips. Anders felt his eyes go wide as Nas screamed again. It was a sound that travelled through the whole courtyard.

Some of her companions turned but they were stopped as Meredith rejoined the fight.

Anders felt a blanket of calm go through him, as it always did in dire times. He lowered her writhing figure onto the ground and felt his heart clench as she howled again, even louder than the last. He had to fight her down as she tried to claw at her chest, right where her wound was.

Her hysteria intensified to a state that chilled him to the bone. She was fighting so viciously that he had no chance of healing her wound because he was too preoccupied on holding her down.

As if hearing his thoughts, a figure appeared at his side. He looked into the face of a young mage attracted to the commotion.

"Hold her down!" yelled Anders. The boy nodded and quickly grabbed her flailing arms.

Anders made sure the boy had a tight grip before he let her go. Moving quickly, Anders grabbed her robes at the trim in both hands. With one quick move, he tore it apart, revealing her chest. Anders expected to see blood and bruises, but what was before him made bile rise in his throat.

The wound in her front was small, and little blood came from it. The puncture was through her stomach, and it should have been pumping out blood and stomach acid. Instead, the area was infected with dark, violent red veins.

They were massed around the wound, and as he watched he saw them starting to branch out. Nas let out a horrifying cry as one vein started to move upwards, towards her breasts.

_She has been taken by the Old Magic. It is poison. It will either consume her, or change her forever._

The words echoed in his mind as he watched the veins continuing to spread over her pale skin. They didn't just move through her blood and under her skin, they seems to be ripping it apart to make its way across, but then healing it just seconds after.

Blood ran from her wound and small droplets dropped over her hips as the veins continued to move.

Nas's body convulsed again, and yet another agonising scream erupted from her small frame. Anders pushed his hands to her wound, forcing his magic into her skin.

Her body jerked as Anders felt his magic being reflected violently from her body. The stunt seems to have given the veins a brighter tinge, and if anything it had sped them up. They now wound themselves over her breasts and up towards her neck.

They were also spreading downwards, over her hips and down her arms.

A sob escaped his lips as he frantically felt around her, looking for a way to let his magic in and stop the poison spreading, but it wasn't working. Nas kept writhing and crying out in pain as blood trickled from the veins.

He watched with tears streaming down his cheeks as the veins went up her neck, over her chin and onto her cheeks. Her freckles disappeared as the poison made its mark on her beautiful nose, over her forehead and finally into her eyes.

Small crimson lines appeared on the whites of her eyes until they touched the amber of her iris.

"NO!"

Her whole body tensed with the strength of her cry.

Anders felt a warm sensation on his knees until he realised that the veins were burning through her robes and into his own skin. He was pulled back by the boy as her body was suddenly engulfed by a crimson light.

He heard her last muffled cry of pain. And then all was silent.

Her whole body was on fire. She felt like her blood was boiling in her veins. She itched and burned and prickled and stung.

And then it was gone.

The world around her was silent and all she could hear was her own heavy breathing. She felt as if she had just gotten out of an uncomfortably hot bath. But even through the heat, she didn't feel any sweat on her body. She felt clean, and rested. As if she had been pampered with hot coals.

Opening her eyes, the sky above her was dark and grey.

Sound came back to her all at once. It was a symphony of noise that should have disoriented her, but instead she could pick out each and every single vibration of noise.

She heard every breath, every swing of a sword. Every side step, every grunt. She could even hear the rubble moving as people danced upon it.

A thought came to her that twisted her heart in her chest.

"Fenris."

Nas lifted her body up effortlessly. Her hair fell around her shoulders, light as a feather.

She looked to her right only to see the horrified face of Anders. He was staring at her as if she was a ghost.

She gasped. Maybe she was.

Her hands went quickly to her stomach where she felt the blade go through her. Her fingers touched smooth skin, but there was... something else. Some kind of raised mark.

Nas looked down, and her head started to spin.

Violent red lines were all over her naked body. They went over her stomach, her legs – even her hands and fingers. They were harsh, sharp lines that resembled lightning.

A terrifying conclusion came to her, bringing tears to her eyes.

She had been infected by the red lyrium.

_Lyrium... Fenris!_

Ignoring the commotion around her, Nas scrambled forward. Rocks scraped across her knees, but she felt no pain as she pulled herself to his side.

He lay on his right arm. With trembling hands, Nas rolled him onto his back. His head lolled heavily as he was stilled. Nas gasped.

As if a mist had been lifted from her eyes, Nas saw each and every single detail of his wonderful face. She saw every pore, every single tiny scar on him. Each strand of his white hair was standing out brightly, and his lyrium veins were swirling under his skin.

"Fenris?"

She raised her hand to touch his face, but stopped as she saw the jagged red lines on the back of her hands. As if sensing her presence, the elf let out a small moan.

A wave of relief washed over her. But it didn't last.

There was a sudden crash before her, and she looked up to see Meredith sending waves of lightning at the walls of the Gallows. She frowned, wondering what the Knight-Commander was trying to accomplish when she saw a small figure huddling against the wall.

"Merrill!"

Nas felt the sock of her own voice. It sounded different, somehow. Deeper. Smoother.

Meredith's body turned to her, but it was no longer a woman before her. Meredith's face had become a black shadow with two red lights shining in the middle. She let out a sickening howl, but she sounded like some kind of demon.

Nas called her mana to her, but the burst of energy that followed made her heart jump.

There was no longer a small corner of mana hidden in her chest. When she called magic to her, she called upon each and every fibre of her being. She was no longer controlling her mana. She _was _mana.

Her whole body lit up like a red star, illuminating the world around her.

Nas let the magic engulf her, using it to bring herself to her feet. But her feet never touched the ground.

A sense of peace - of understanding - came over her. The magic had not been poison. It had simply been corrupted by those trying to use it. When it had touched Nas, it had felt the power of control residing within her. It felt harmony.

And so it had chosen to reside within her. It had given her a gift that neither God nor human had ever felt.

Nas let her arms open, as if waiting to embrace the Knight-Commander. She felt the fear of those around her, and through their eyes she saw herself.

She was a glowing beacon amidst the chaos. A beacon of what, they weren't sure.

Nas opened her eyes to see the shadow of Meredith standing before her. Raising her arms, Nas sent the mana forward. It wasn't intended to be strong, but the force of the red lightning sent Meredith crashing into the walls of the Gallows.

The commotion around them stilled, until only Nas and Meredith moved.

The Knight-Commander let out an otherworldly cry as she charged, but Nas was now quicker than she could ever have comprehended.

Another bolt hit the commander square in the chest. It made the sword flare up and sizzle, sending more lightning through the Commander's body. Nas urged the magic to take her forward, and it obeyed without question.

She floated closer to the commander, sending wave after wave of magic into her corrupted body. Nas understood now that Meredith couldn't never wield the power. It was destroying her, turning her into a hollow image of what she once was.

"ENOUGH!" shrieked Meredith.

Nas watched through her advanced eyes as Meredith slowly got to her feet.

"MAKER, GIVE ME THE STRENGTH!"

The Knight-Commander raised the sword once again over her head. With one last futile cry, she slammed the sword into the ground. It sliced through the earth down to the very hilt.

Yet the magic was too powerful. Nas sent one last wave of lightning into the Commander, and watched in horror as it completely devoured the woman. Meredith let out one last scream as her skin rippled and burned until her whole body became nothing but a stone figure.

The magic holding her was suddenly cut off, dropping Nas onto her knees.

She leant on her palms, breathing in shallow breaths.

_What the fuck had happened to her?_

Heartbeats went by in dead silence until she finally heard some kind of rustling behind her. Something was draped over Nas's bare back, and strong, warm hands grabbed her shoulders. She was hauled to her feet.

Looking up, Nas felt her whole body soar. Beautiful, loving emerald eyes stared back at her. She saw the shock in them as he looked over her face, and there was also a stream of blood going down his temple. But he was wonderful, and alive. And he held her so close to his body that she felt every crevice of his muscles.

"We need to move."

Nas turned to see a weary Isabella walking towards them. She could see the hesitation in her stance, but the pirate queen still looked relieved to see Nas alive.

More and more of her family emerged from the rubble, and they all wore the same expression. But Nas didn't have time to explain anything. The templars were gathering their senses, and it wouldn't be too long before they realised their Knight-Commander was now a lyrium statue.

Fenris held her tightly as he moved her forward at a walk.

As soon as they were out of earshot of the Gallows, he quickly bent down and ran his arm under her legs. Yanking her up and into his arms, the elf continued down the battered streets until Nas saw the towering stern of Isabella's ship in their sights.

Isabella and Anders ran ahead, storming up the gangway with their weapons drawn.

Agonising moments passed, until finally Isabella reappeared on the deck. She waved her hand once, sending Fenris rushing forward. He gently put her down just beside the ramp, before turning and urging the others onto the ship.

Merrill limped her way up, spurred on only by Aveline and Donnic. Varric hauled himself aboard, and turned to help Fenris pull up the ramp.

Anders and Donnic were already turning the huge wheel that hauled the anchor back up. Isabella was at the helm, barking orders at some young mages that had appeared from the hull.

Nas slowly got to her feet. She wrapped the small jacket as best she could around her most intimate body parts before making her way over to Isabella. She wasn't sure what to say as Isabella ordered the scrambling kids around.

"Anything I can do?"

Isabella jumped and turned to her. She had a weary look in her eyes until they fell onto Nas's naked body. The pirate queen turned and surprisingly, she walked away. Nas watched with her eyes wide as Isabella walked down the steps onto the main deck.

She fl ether heart sinking when the pirate returned quicker than she had left. In her arms was a thin blanket. She walked over to Nas and pulled the small jacket away from her.

"Here. This'll do until we can find you some clothes."

Nas felt like a baby as Isabella ushered Nas's hands above her head. She wrapped the blanket around Nas's body and quickly secured it. Without hesitation, she undid the buckle of her own belt before wrapping it around Nas's waist and buckling it tightly.

Isabella looked into Nas's eyes. It was a look so full of worry and relief that Nas felt her eyebrows go up in shock. Without any words, Isabella gently planted a small kiss on Nas's forehead. She held Nas's cheeks in her hand for a brief second, before turning and becoming the captain once again.

Nas felt her throat closing as she held back tears.

Not wanting to be in the way, Nas wondered away from the helm until she found a little corner in between two barrels that were leaning against the gunwhal.

Crawling into the crevice, she managed to find a position that was somewhat comfortable. From her corner, she could see the movements of the crew as they struggled to follow Isabella's instructions. The city behind them was crumbling, and as they began to pull away, Nas felt a rush of fear run through her.

No, not fear. It was reluctance. She had become a legend in Kirkwall. It was where her mother was buried, where her home was. Her brother lay in ashes and her home was no doubt in the same condition. Her hand absentmindedly went to the ring on her in right index finger. She twisted it whilst resting her head back.

The motion on the boat rocked back and forth. It was both unnerving and soothing.

Before she could string two more thoughts together, Nas had fallen into the Fade.

She awoke feeling warm and comfortable. It only took her a few seconds to realise that she was in a bed. The world around her seemed to sway, turning her stomach.

With a moan, she managed to sit herself up. All her memories came back to her in a rush as she saw through the porthole. The sea was vast and the light was golden, telling her she had been asleep a while.

Throwing the blanket from her body, Nas felt her eyes prickle.

The lyrium hadn't been a dream, and she was still disfigured. Her skin was now marred with vicious red veins that spread over every inch of her skin.

Her hand gently touched the veins on her stomach where they seemed to cluster closer together. There should have been a scar there – a scar for the blow she had taken for Fenris. But instead, there was only pulsing crimson light. Her hand wound its way over her hip. It rested on her womb where there should have been a jagged scar that had been given to her when she was fourteen. Instead, there was only smooth skin and red lines.

Nas quickly got to her feet, examining her body. She had been fighting for so many years that she should have been riddles with scars, with imperfections. Instead, the only disfigurement on her body was the lyrium.

Her shoulders slumped in defeat. Not only had it marred her, the magic had taken away her memories, her triumphs.

As if the lyrium were alive, it suddenly burst from her skin, illuminating the room. Instantly, she felt soothed and a warmth spread through her chest so full of emotion that tears prickled her eyes. Guilt washed over her as the magic continued to caress her.

"I'm sorry..." she whispered.

The light vanished, but there was a lingering tingle on her cheek.

She had no idea what the magic really was – if it was good or bad – but she knew that it was now a part of her, and it meant her no harm.

As she turned, Nas saw something glint just off the corner of her eye. She turned her head and saw a mirror sitting harmlessly on the wall. Nas sucked in a breath as the world around her melted away, and became nothing but darkness.

Her feet involuntarily moved forward as her hands went to her face.

In the mirror she saw a young woman. Her hair was bright blonde and shimmered with a health. It rested on her shoulders while a fringe swept over to the left. Her skin was pale but it had a shine to it that made her look otherworldly.

As Nas stood just inches from the mirror, her heart raced. Small red veins spread over up her neck and onto her face, but they melded into some kind of pattern around her eyes and over her forehead. They seemed to make some kind of ancient looking writing, but it was hard to tell.

But it wasn't the pattern that held her attention. No, what made her mouth go dry were the woman's eyes. They were no longer the liquid gold that they had been. They were no longer her father's eyes.

Now they looked like rubies embedded in her face.

The red was darkest around the outer part of the iris and they slowly got lighter the closer they got to the black pupil.

Nas brought herself so close to the mirror that her nose was touching the cold surface.

She let out a small laugh as she saw that between the swirling to crimson diamonds were small, golden flecks. Part of her father still remained within her, even if it was small.

A creak came from behind her, and Nas turned to see a lithe figure standing in the doorway.

"Lethellan?"

Nas ran her hand over her eyes, wiping away any moisture that had formed. Merrill walked into the room, waddling to accommodate her bump.

"Merrill... you OK?"

Merrill closed the door and then turned around, nodding as she did so.

"I got a few new scars, but I'm alright. Anders said the baby was fine, too."

Nas nodded. She then noticed her bare state. Looking over the bed, she was relieved to see a pair of trous and a shirt draped over the bed frame. She grabbed them and dressed quickly before gesturing for Merrill to sit on the bed.

Merrill remained still however, and Nas felt her green eyes dancing over her skin.

The elf walked closer to her before stretching out one small hand. She gently put it palm up in front of Nas's face. Nas raised an eyebrow as the bloodmage slowly ran her hand just above Nas's skin. She ran her hand over her face, down her neck and over her shoulders.

Finally, Merrill lowered her arm. Nas looked up to see a smile on the young woman's face.

"It's not poison!"

Nas let out a short snort. "No, Merrill. It's magic... I think."

Merrill frowned. Nas took a deep breath before ushering the elf onto the bed. In the silence of the room, Nas tried her hardest to explain what she felt when the magic came flared up, the way that it felt like somehow it was alive. How it soothed her, how it almost spoke to her.

When she was finished, Merrill didn't look like she was about to tell everyone Nas was crazy. Instead, she looked like she understood.

"It seems like this was given to you for a reason, Lethellan. I don't know what's coming, or what we have to face. But I know you'll have a big role. I know that you'll need to be powerful."

Nas stared into the elf's eyes, noticing that she meant what she said.

Merrill's words echoed in the silent, and the feeling of something impending made the hairs on her neck stand on edge.

Merrill suddenly got to her feet.

"But that's for another time. Come on, everyone wants to see you."

Nas didn't take Merrill's open hand. Instead, she looked up with unsure eyes.

"They're afraid of me, Merrill. What if... what if they're disgusted by me? What if Fenris denies me?"

Merrill just smiled. "Then we'll tell them what you just told me. They'll understand, Lethellan. They love you. And so does Fenris."

Nas was still unsure, but she took the elf's hand nonetheless. Together, they walked through the door and up the stairs onto the deck.

A cool wind swept up her hair, cooling her skin. She saw the sea all around them, and no sign of the crumbling city they had left behind. Out here, there was no evidence of a war that had just begun. She saw everyone gathered on the top deck, talking quietly.

It was Fenris that saw her first.

She watched as he got to his feet and made his way down to her. Merrill smiled sheepishly, walking away as he approached. Nas saw she walked to Varric, who looked at her lovingly.

She turned her head in time to feel her body being engulfed by strong arms. He wrapped himself around her and pulled her face to kiss, kissing her deeply. It was a kiss full of so much emotion that she felt her head going light.

When she finally managed to pull away, her whole body was on fire.

"Are you alright?" he asked, his eyes searching her face.

Nas nodded. He noticed her hesitation and the way she looked up uneasily to the top deck.

"Their confused, Hawke. But they want to see you."

Nas nodded, understanding their confusion. "Then let's go talk to them."

It was late evening by the time she had finished talking. They all sat together in a tight circle for warmth. Fenris leant against the gunwhal and Nas leant against him. Merrill lay with her head on Varric's lap and their hands entwined on her swollen stomach.

Isabella was against the wheel, a bottle of whiskey in her hands. Aveline and Donnic sat side-by-side, Aveline leaning her head on his shoulder. The other magelings were spread on the deck, and most of them were sleeping.

Anders wasn't with them, instead he was checking on the magelings. And she guessed that he probably didn't want to be around them.

They sat in silence, the only sound around them was the wind rushing over the sea.

"So... what do we do now?"

All eyes turned to the pirate queen.

"Well, there's going to be a war. That much is obvious," said Aveline, lifting her head from Donnic's shoulder and leaning into the conversation.

Nas nodded, feeling a chill go down her spine.

"For the time being, we need somewhere safe," said Nas, looking at Merrill's bump.

They all remained silent until the rocking of the boat soothed them all. They seemed to forget all about what they were talking about, and let the silence sing them into a state of peace.

When Nas felt her eyes starting to close, and her mind beginning to dim, Merrill bolted up. Everyone's eyes turned to the elf, who just watched them, wide-eyed.

"Ferelden!"

Nas raised an eyebrow.

"Merrill, the Knight-Commander sent the Right of Annulment to Ferelden. They know about the uprising," said Aveline kindly, as if talking to a child.

The bloodmage shook her head whilst sharing a knowing smile.

"Exactly! King Alistair will send the templars here, so their numbers will be down. And the last place they would expect us to go is back to Ferelden!"

"Merrill that's completely-"

"Brilliant, actually." All eyes turned to the Rivaini.

"Well, think about it. If we can sneak around the Brecillian Forest taking a route less travelled, we could get in without ever being seen. The war will be in Kirkwall for a while, maybe even long enough for us to find somewhere safe to hide for a while."

"And I know the forest. I can take us to places that my clan were safe for months."

The group remained silent for so long, that Nas felt the tension around them as if it were a mist. Merrill had a point, and what better place to go then back to where she was born?

Slowly, Nas looked at her comrades, her family. She waited until each of them looked her in the eye. They only held her gaze for a moment, but it was enough to know that they agreed.

"So it's settled, then? To Ferelden?"

Isabella gave her a wicked grin before slowly getting to her feet. She turned to the wheel and took it in both hands. Wrenching it to the right, Isabella turned the ship towards a new horizon.

"To Ferelden."

_Three Months Later..._

"MAKE IT STOP!"

The howl echoed around the small room so fiercely that Nas felt the floor shake.

She forced more magic into her palms, increasing the strength used to hold Merrill onto the bed. The elf writhed under the pain.

In her struggle, she had spat the wooden stick onto the floor. Anders reached down and grabbed it, shoving it back into her mouth. Merrill let out a sob before her body was wracked by heavy contractions. Sweat ran like rivers down her pale cheeks, and her bright eyes shone intensely in the dim light.

"Nearly over, Daisy. Push..." cooed Varric.

He sat by her side, holding her hand so tight that his knuckled were white. She guessed it was from the pain of Merrill's nails digging into his skin.

"Somethings wrong!" she shouted, lifting her head to see. Anders didn't look up from where he worked, trying to bring the baby out smoothly.

Nas felt her hands starting to shake. They didn't shake from holding the magic like they used to. Now they shook from trying to control the intensity of it. She had learned in just a few weeks that the power she now possessed was beyond her wildest imagination.

She had engulfed Merrill in a bubble of crimson light to try and contain the bloodmagic that was spinning out of control. When she had first gone into labour, Merrill had almost set their little home on fire.

Nas looked up briefly to see Fenris standing in the corner. He was ripping up one of their sheets into strips of rags.

Her eyes were drawn back down as Merrill let out another howl. She sent out a wave of mana so strong that it caught Nas by surprise. Her body responded to it by becoming a burning torch of light. Nas struggled the magic down like she would have a sarcastic comment.

She managed to contain it, but looking up, she saw Anders gasp. Without a word, he got to his feet. There was a tug as he left Nas's protective bubble, gaining him a glare.

But Nas saw that something was wrong. She could see it in his eyes.

He turned and walked over to a small chest by the door. Merrill was breathing heavily and Varric watched him with wide-eyes.

"Anders?" demanded Nas.

Anders didn't look up from the chest as he replied.

"The life cord is wrapped around the babe's throat. I need to cut him out."

As the words left his lips, Anders pulled out a small knife with a curved blade. It was thin, and very sharp. He rooted through again until he brought out a bottle of sluggish green liquid.

He turned and rushed back into Nasara's shield. Pulling the cork off with his teeth, Nas was hit with a distinct, acidic aroma. Antiseptic ointment.

"Varric, I need you to cut her clothes off," commanded Anders and he poured some ointment into his palms. Varric looked like he was about to argue, but one touch from Merrill's heated hand told him to obey.

He pulled a dagger from his boot and turned to Merrill's robes, whispering endearments as he slowly cut the material away.

Nas tried to swallow back the lump in her throat as she watched Anders pour more ointment into his hands. Gently he put his hands on her bulging stomach, rubbing the oil in lightly. Nas saw a glimmer of blue light under his palms as he did so, and Merrill's face seemed to lose a little of its tension.

He quickly doused the blade in the antiseptic before lowering it to her skin. As it rested just inches above, he turned to Merrill and met her eyes.

"This will hurt unlike anything you've ever imagined. I will try my best to make it quick."

Her face got paler, but she pushed the wood further in her jaw. Varric stood behind her head and took both her hands. He squeezed them tight before laying a kiss on her forehead.

"I won't lose you, Daisy."

And with that, Anders made the incision.

Merrill jerked and tears came to her eyes, but Anders moved so quickly that she went from wide-eyes to motionless in seconds.

Anders moved faster when he saw that she had passed out. Nas looked briefly over to what he was doing, but she saw so far into Merrill's body that she felt her head spin. She kept her eyes on Varric and Merrill's face as Anders worked on her.

It felt like hours until he was done, but it had been mere minutes when a piercing cry filled the entire forest around them.

Nas looked over as Varric looked up. Anders held a bloody figure in his arms. It was so small that she couldn't imagine it was a person. A little person.

"A little boy."

Varric let out a loud laugh as Anders reached onto the floor for a blanket. He wiped the screaming babe's face and body quickly before wrapping it up. With a proud look, he handed the baby to his father.

As Varric looked down at the babe in disbelief, Anders turned back to Merrill.

Using his magic, he managed to close her from the inside out. Finally, all that was left was a lot of blood and a barely visible scar. He grabbed another blanket and covered up the mother.

Nas let go of the magic, sending the room into shadow. The only light was a tiny candle on the crooked bedside table. Varric lowered himself to Merrill's face and gently kissed her cheek. As if sensing her mate, the elf let out a moan.

A lump formed in Nas's throat as mother saw baby for the first time.

She slowly walked backwards towards Fenris, giving them space. Fenris turned to her and gave her a small smile. Turning her head, she watched as Varric passed the babe to his mother. Merrill let out a sound that sound like a squeak.

Another tear ran down her cheek, but for a very different reason.

Merrill smiled and looked at Varric.

"Our little Tamlen."

"Tamlen Bartrand Tethras, the greatest warrior Ferelden will ever know," said Varric proudly.

Merrill let out a quiet laugh before gently touching the babe's face.

Nas felt a tug on her hand and saw Fenris leading her out of the room. She followed, knowing that the small family deserved their moment of peace.

She closed the door behind her as they entered the small parlour dining room area. It was the only other real room in the small hut they had found just off the Brecillian Forest. Together they had rebuilt it, but it was still so tiny for so many.

Warm arms engulfed her and Nas took a moment to breathe him in.

"A little boy," she murmured, feeling a wave of emotion rush over her. Fenris smiled as he rested his chin on her head.

"It's a shame Isabella couldn't stay to see him being born, but she's not really a baby person."

"We'll send word to Aveline in Lothering tomorrow. But for now..." Fenris let her go only to get on his knees. Spreading his hands on her hips, he pulled the material tight enough so that a tiny bump could just be seen.

Fenris leant in a gently kissed her belly, making her smile. She had no idea how it happened. Never before had she been able to conceive, but she guessed the markings had healed her somehow. And from her estimate, the bump had been conceived the first night on the boat.

Nas looked down as she gently ran her hand through his hair.

He looked up, and the sight still took her breath away. In his eyes was everything they had ever faced. Every memory, every sensation. But now they held more than just love. They held promise.

A promise of life shared, an oath of eternity. What would come next, she didn't know - but looking into the depths of his eyes, into the face of a husband, a father - Nasaraelia knew that she would never have to face the future alone again.

**The End.**

_So there ain't nothing wrong,_

_With thinking with your heart,_

_And letting someone in..._

_The storm might break you down, but you'll get up again._

_And learn from your mistakes_

_Forgive but don't forget._

_Don't let it hold you back - Because sooner or later _

_You will be loved..._

**You Will Be Loved – Nichole Scherzinger (Killer Love)**


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